Hello Betty! Your work is amazing and a wonderful contribution to people everywhere.
MY PROBLEM: Perhaps you have some insight. Sex seems great until my husband of five years starts thrusting. I feel a mixture of pleasure, but then soon, a growing tearing/burning pain often cuts the sex short.
MY HISTORY: may be relevant to my issue. Since I was a child and before I even knew what I was doing, I have been masturbating. At age 15, my first time having intercourse was rape. At age 16, I started therapy and medications for depression and anxiety. Of course, I still loved to masturbate (pillow between the legs on my stomach). At age 19, I met my husband and for the first few years we lived abroad, AND we had sex like rabbits, fast and often and I loved it (though I never actually orgasmed completely during intercourse.)
Then we had to be apart for 8 months across seas. We jumped into bed as soon as flew back, but suddenly I had pain. I started dealing with my sexual assault through therapy, but the pain persisted. After doing research and a doctor exam, I was then diagnosed with vulvar vestibulitis, though I think now it has lessened to only vaginismus.
WHAT I TRIED: I was told to stop having sex for two months and use lots of lubricant. Sadly, after two months, the pain was even worse! I saw a physical therapist about it for a few sessions, and they told me my PC muscles were very tight (too tight!).
I've tried getting off certain medications, lubricants, different positions, different toys, different lengths and types of foreplay. Honestly, the only time I don't feel this pain is when I have sex straight from waking up or I've consumed alcohol or marijuana.
Obviously, I think it's a mixture of sexual trauma, my anxiety, and perhaps a lack of a long foreplay sessions, BUT then why does it feel good too? When he's inside me, it's perfectly fine! But when he starts moving in and out, the burning starts and increases along with the pleasure. Obviously, it's not good to have sex with pain, so when the pain becomes more than the pleasure, we stop.
Please, any suggestions or insight? Thank you for reading this!
The problem when intercourse becomes painful is the next time you have sex, it's only natural to become somewhat guarded (tense) expecting it to hurt again. This can become a self fulfilling prophecy. Another possibility is your hormone levels. Also what kind of lubricant are you using? After reading labels, I've settled for 100% pure Almond oil. It's thickness really helps. The most popular Astroglide is one of the worst. Also avoid water based lubes with all the added chemicals.
The exercise for tight PC muscles is doing "Squats". Just like women squatting at the rivers edge washing clothes. More complete description is on our website. I also approve of all the pelvic floor practitioners. However, beware of medical doctors diagnosis and the meds they proscribe.
I believe we are our own best doctors. Listen to what you said...."the only time I don't feel this pain is when I have sex straight from waking up or I've consumed alcohol or marijuana. Obviously, I think it's a mixture of sexual trauma, my anxiety, and perhaps a lack of a long foreplay sessions."
Bingo! Problem solved. So marijuana is your best medicine. Having an orgasm from masturbating before penis/vagina intercourse takes place works for all of us. Not only is "foreplay" inadequate but it rarely lasts long enough. So take care of yourself FIRST..
All of your youthful masturbation was positive except it didn't develop into actually touching your clitoris directly. Never too late to start. Also consider adding a quality electric vibrator to your bag of tricks. A good beginning vibe is the Eroscillator. More advanced is the Magic Wand rechargeable. Clearly marijuana is our best aphrodisiac, so if you can't get to a dispensary for medical marijuana just score it from your local dealer. Pot is my primary med as I avoid nearly everything Big Pharma pushes, especially antidepressants! Every woman the world over has been raped by our culture based on all organized religions. And every orgasm we enjoy is how we can change this. Let your healing begin.......