How Can I Improve Sex with a Partner?

Thu, 08/18/2016 - 07:21
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr Betty,

I first off wanted to thank you for responding to my message I sent in a few months ago where you encouraged me to stop listening to my peers bragging about their sex lives and do things at my own pace, including continuing with masturbation. It was so nice to receive your response.

I now have a sexual partner and have had penetrative sex for the first time a few days ago. He has done this before, although I don't think he has much experience either as despite the foreplay being good and feeling very turned on, the sex seemed pretty aggressive, and he didn't return the oral sex I gave to him. He also used a condom but was unable to orgasm, so the sex ended with us both feeling frustrated and awkward. For my first time it was a bit disappointing.

- is there something I can do to improve this?

Finally, I am at a loss with contraception. I really do not want to go on hormonal birth control, and lose my sex drive like some of my friends have. But he doesn't seem to like using condoms (the thin ones are also too expensive). I have thought about a diaphragm, but my doctor does not want to give me one as she says its unsafe, and the Caya diaphragm I looked up, has a failure rate of 14%. I really don't want to risk pregnancy, do you have any advice on this?

Many thanks again,

Dear C,

Your first time partner sex was fairly average. Like any art form it takes time and practice to learn the skills necessary to become expert lovers. Practice will improve partner sex as you both develop more skills.

From your description of the first time, It wasn't that bad. At least you don't have to worry about pregnancy. I'm sorry to hear your doctor discouraged using the diaphragm. The failure rate is when we forget to put to insert it before having sex with a partner. Since we have the abortion pill which is really quite convenient, I'd embrace the diaphragm to avoid the invasive and costly IUD. Talk to another doctor or be your own doctor.

Don't put too much emphases on fucking. When it's good it can be spectacular but most often it's fairly ho hum like your description of what happened. Oral sex must be reciprocal or we stop going down on them. I wouldn't bother having sex with this guy again. Hopefully the next time will be better. Spend more time getting to know a guy before jumping into bed. Remember, sharing masturbation is a great way to begin partner sex. Take you time.

Dr Betty

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time