Dear Dr. Betty,
Hope I'm not being too nosey. I would like to know what your sex life with men is like these days?
Hi W, Since I'm about as far "out" sexually as you can get, I loved your question. As you might suspect, not many men (young or old) are interested in having sex with an "older" woman, especially one as knowledgeable as I am. They want youth with no comparisons which keeps alive the "virginity myth."
Since I did the same thing when I was in my seventies (The youth of old age.) I understand this. During that decade I was living with a man who was some forty years younger. Our sexlife was spectacular! I was also teaching him all that I'd learned as a sexually active woman.
Now that I'm at the end of my eighties, I've periodically contemplated, "to fuck or not to fuck" as it now requires a lot more effort. I know there's more to partner sex than straight fucking (penis/vagina penetration) while I use my vibrator, but that's still my erotic hot button when it comes to heterosexuality. My private practice of hands on teaching women about orgasm plus the Bodysex workshops that includes group orgasms in our ritual masturbation circle is a lot of sexual activity for any person young or old. But still, my heterosexual side is drawn to fucking someone of the opposite sex.
Since I get paid for sex, I had to wonder why I was uncomfortable about buying sex from a professional sex worker. After giving it much thought, I concluded that fucking with a guy has to be proceeded by some sexual interest on my part. So I'd have to meet a person first before I'd want to engage in any sexual activity. Even if the guy was "hot" there must be that elusive element that requires me to take a few deeper breathes.
Several online opportunities have come up with a few guys sending "dick pics" and body shots with a request to meet. I always ask to see their face with more info about what they are doing in whatever field they're in. One guy was a no show after we'd arranged to meet. I can only imagine his pic and profile were made up. Another dude I met in my supermarket who struck up a conversation. He'd recognized me from a neighbor in my building. This one was in his early forties which is still young compared to me He was very handsome with velvet African skin and perfect white teeth that set off a winning smile. We made a date for brunch the next Sunday at my apartment but he never showed up. His text the following day explained he had slept all day due to a late night. That's fine as I am very flexible.
When we finally had brunch, I'd worked up the courage to state my proposition. I wanted to hire him for sex telling him that I intended to write up the experience of having partner sex at my age. He would remain totally anonymous. If it worked out for both of us it could be ongoing several times a month. He was a struggling musician and I know what that's like from years of being a starving artist. When he asked about compensation, I offered to pay him what I paid my masseuse, plus all the food he could eat after we had sex. We shook hands and made a date. BUT when he was a no-show the second time with no text to cancel, he's been crossed him off my list. Of course he called the next day with apologies, but I'm not up for "fool me twice."
The last email I got recently from a gorgeous youth with a beautiful face, perfect body with matching dick claiming to be a student. But he came in under a g-mail that I recognized from another "no show." So until he can verify his identity, I'm not about to respond further. In the meantime, masturbating with a wealth of hot fantasies is keeping me quite sexually satisfied. Along with an abundance of wonderfully devoted friends who love me, I know I'm one very fortunate senior citizen who's loving life.