Betty, What's Your Sex Life with Men These Days?

Tue, 06/07/2016 - 07:35
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

Hope I'm not being too nosey. I would like to know what your sex life with men is like these days?

W

Hi W, Since I'm about as far "out" sexually as you can get, I loved your question. As you might suspect, not many men (young or old) are interested in having sex with an "older" woman, especially one as knowledgeable as I am. They want youth with no comparisons which keeps alive the "virginity myth."
Since I did the same thing when I was in my seventies (The youth of old age.) I understand this. During that decade I was living with a man who was some forty years younger. Our sexlife was spectacular! I was also teaching him all that I'd learned as a sexually active woman.

Now that I'm at the end of my eighties, I've periodically contemplated, "to fuck or not to fuck" as it now requires a lot more effort. I know there's more to partner sex than straight fucking (penis/vagina penetration) while I use my vibrator, but that's still my erotic hot button when it comes to heterosexuality. My private practice of hands on teaching women about orgasm plus the Bodysex workshops that includes group orgasms in our ritual masturbation circle is a lot of sexual activity for any person young or old. But still, my heterosexual side is drawn to fucking someone of the opposite sex.

Since I get paid for sex, I had to wonder why I was uncomfortable about buying sex from a professional sex worker. After giving it much thought, I concluded that fucking with a guy has to be proceeded by some sexual interest on my part. So I'd have to meet a person first before I'd want to engage in any sexual activity. Even if the guy was "hot" there must be that elusive element that requires me to take a few deeper breathes.

Several online opportunities have come up with a few guys sending "dick pics" and body shots with a request to meet. I always ask to see their face with more info about what they are doing in whatever field they're in. One guy was a no show after we'd arranged to meet. I can only imagine his pic and profile were made up. Another dude I met in my supermarket who struck up a conversation. He'd recognized me from a neighbor in my building. This one was in his early forties which is still young compared to me He was very handsome with velvet African skin and perfect white teeth that set off a winning smile. We made a date for brunch the next Sunday at my apartment but he never showed up. His text the following day explained he had slept all day due to a late night. That's fine as I am very flexible.

When we finally had brunch, I'd worked up the courage to state my proposition. I wanted to hire him for sex telling him that I intended to write up the experience of having partner sex at my age. He would remain totally anonymous. If it worked out for both of us it could be ongoing several times a month. He was a struggling musician and I know what that's like from years of being a starving artist. When he asked about compensation, I offered to pay him what I paid my masseuse, plus all the food he could eat after we had sex. We shook hands and made a date. BUT when he was a no-show the second time with no text to cancel, he's been crossed him off my list. Of course he called the next day with apologies, but I'm not up for "fool me twice."

The last email I got recently from a gorgeous youth with a beautiful face, perfect body with matching dick claiming to be a student. But he came in under a g-mail that I recognized from another "no show." So until he can verify his identity, I'm not about to respond further. In the meantime, masturbating with a wealth of hot fantasies is keeping me quite sexually satisfied. Along with an abundance of wonderfully devoted friends who love me, I know I'm one very fortunate senior citizen who's loving life.

Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Sex with younger men after 80.

Tue, 06/07/2016 - 17:43
Topaz (not verified)

Dear Betty,
You and I have known and enjoyed each other for many years and have always been very close in age and sexual proclivities. I am still just a few years younger than you and find it increasingly difficult to find suitable lovers in my preferred age range...35-50.  So I'm happy and relieved to learn that I am not alone in my attachment to my vibrator -- the Magic Wand, in which I was mentored by you many years ago -- and in my love of life.  We are very fortunate to still be living the dream. 
Love you. Topaz

Thanks Betty!

Tue, 06/07/2016 - 20:41
timm (not verified)

Thanks Betty for sharing your life! You are amazing!
Tim.

Vaginismus - One woman's personal story

Fri, 06/10/2016 - 18:18

The following link will take you to the original Guardian Australia online post where one woman recounts her experience over several years. It's VERY moving, and doesn't reflect too kindly on the gynecologist who told her 'to relax'. The comments to the original article are also very worthwile.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jun/09/women-sex-agonising-vaginismus-penetrative

I've tried to include the article itself, but it formats badly, so I'll just include the first paragraph.

Like many other women, I find sex agonising

Olivia Funnell

I suffer from vaginismus, which makes penetrative sex feel as if I’m being ripped in half. I still have hope that one day I will be able to try again

Thursday 9 June 2016 21.05 AEST

In a world where bodies quiver and shake in music videos, where shirtless Calvin Klein models lick the sweat off each other and sex can be as casual as a handshake, how do you navigate your way through it if you actually cannot have sex? What do you do when your girlfriends discuss funny sex stories over cocktails? And most importantly, how do you tell someone you love that you can’t have sex with them because it causes you excruciating pain? Trust me, even the kindest and most patient people will tire of this sort of limitation. This is my reality, and it isn’t as uncommon as you might think. But it also lurks in the shadows of shame and misunderstanding.

 

Vaginal penetration past menopause

Betty Dodson's picture
Fri, 06/10/2016 - 11:51

Common knowledge informs us that women who want to continue vaginal penetration past menopause must use some kind of HRT (homone replacement therapy). Since I avoid anything coming out of Big Pharma, I opted for a plant based HRT that comes from the soybean plant. It's bio-identical to what my body once made and is applied vaginally instead of taking a pill. Makes so much more sense, epecially since the body responds best to plant based rather than chemically based.

The REAL problem is that society continues to define SEX as a penis inside a vagina. That demonstrates our pathetic lack of information and edcuation about human sexuality.  The good news is that a woman's clitoris continues to respond to the end. So women who are not on HRT need to avoid vaginal penetration which is primarily meant for pro creation any way. That leaves many other options available. Number One would be mastubation alone or sharing manual sex. Oral sex. Anal sex. And of course for women there is always our dependable vibrators for clitoral stimulation.

So, vagismus is the wrong term for a post menopausal woman. This is a natural occurance for all women. Allow me to repeat: The BIG problem is that society continues to define SEX as a penis inside a vagina. That demonstrates our pathetic lack of information and edcuation about human sexuality. And don't forget the wealth of sexual images stored in our memories. Just massaaging our genitals with some kind of massage oil while remembering or imagining is a pleasure. Including a professional over all body massage for relaxation.  Far more joy is available to us all if we just expand our definition of PLEASURE!

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