I am writing because I have found your advice to other women with similar queries to be of great comfort, and feel that you may be able to help me with this problem.
I grew up in a household where both my mother and sister were incredibly body conscious, obsessed with their weight and appearance. At around eleven, I realised my vagina didn't look like the "pornstar" vagina idealised by the boys I went to school with. I suffered from depression for many years and then decided at the age of twenty to have a labiaplasty. I went to a surgeon recommended by my GP and the surgery went well - no scarring, pain or infections. Although there were no complications, I wish I had found a website like yours sooner as I don't think I would have gone through with it.
From a young age I masturbated in the classic stomach down "blanket humping" position, rubbing my clitoris up and down with a lot of pressure placed upon it. I never orgasmed but got to that unbearable pain/pleasure point then would stop - it was always really pleasurable. I masturbated like this right up until the present day, at age 22. I never experimented with direct manual masturbation or touched my clitoris directly. Due to my shame surrounding the appearance of my vagina, I didn't have any sexual partners until after my operation, at age 21.
This is where my question I hope you can help me with arises. The first and so far only guy I had sex with was 100% inexperienced, gave me no foreplay whatsoever except for a few clumsy rubs of my clit and he wasn't particularly attractive or sexually exciting to me. What I'm worried about is that the reason I didn't really feel anything when he touched me down there was because the surgery has in some way damaged my nerve endings? The surgeon didn't go near my clit or clitoral hood and was adamant that I should look natural not "butchered" or Barbie like, so he wasn't some unethical monster - it was a pretty moderate alteration, he just took away some of the excess of my inner lips. Nonetheless I am terrified that the surgery is the reason I wasn't highly sensitive to or responsive to this guy's touch.
The problem is that because I never experimented with sex or manual touching of my clit before the operation, I don't know whether this is due to my childhood masturbation style or a consequence of the operation.
My other theory is that this was due to the fact that I have relied on hard, indirect pressure on my clit as my primary masturbation technique for years - I categorically never touched my clitoris directly. When I touch my clitoris or try manual masturbation now I can feel something (mild tenderness/tickle sometimes, but if I stress out or press to hard absolutely nothing) but nowhere near orgasm. My old technique of humping my blanket still gives me a lot of pleasure and turns me on so does that suggest I'm still in tact?
I am so worried and just want to enjoy a normal sex life and finally enjoy myself the way my friends have for years. If all it is is that I need to practice manual stimulation more I am willing to try for as long as it takes - or should I buy a vibrator?
I find your advice to other women struggling to orgasm really uplifting and hopeful, and hope that you don't judge me for my decision to have surgery - I wish I had had stronger female role models to steer me away from that choice.
First lets use the correct word for your sex organ. The vagina is the birth canal while the word vulva includes all the parts. You tell me at the age of 22 you have never actually touched your clitoris and have only masturbated by humping your blanket. That's VERY indirect clit stim. Time you upgrade your masturbation technique. Put away your childhood "Blankey" and learn to use your fingers dipped in some organic oil and masturbate like an adult.
NEXT you describe some loser-- the first and only guy you ever had sex with and I quote: "who was 100% inexperienced, gave me no foreplay whatsoever except for a few clumsy rubs of my clit and he wasn't particularly attractive or sexually exciting to me."
Even an advanced sex expert would have trouble getting off under those awful circumstances. Yet you blame yourself or maybe the surgery which has nothing to do with your lack of orgasm. Although our inner lips get engorged and are part of our sexual arousal, your main organ for pleasure is your CLITORIS and you have yet to master an orgasm by touching her directly. Spend some quality time with her so you can learn how to have a grown-up orgasm by stimulating your clitoris directly.
Then when you have sex with a guy who turns you on, you can show him how you like to be touched or simply take control and stimulate your own clitoris. Once we learn how to have orgasms with ourselves, we have something we can share with a person we find attractive. Your unnecessary self-hatred over falsely believing you were "genitally deformed" led you to have sex with an idiot boy who knew nothing. Some quality selfloving will lead you to chose a more appropriate sex partner after you learn how to have adult orgasms with yourself. Now go practice sexual selfloving and learn about your wonderful and perfect body.