Lover Upset I Don't Care How Much He Ejaculates

Fri, 02/19/2016 - 10:09
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hello Betty

My lover is very disappointed that I frankly don't care how much semen he ejaculates. I have tried to explain that it makes no difference to me. how much. I am more concerned about the intensity and satisfactions of his orgasms.

Surely the amount of come is based on how long since his last ejaculation not the quality of our fuck?

I'm 63 and can't remember this being an important issue to lovers in my youth. Is this yet another case of men being persuaded that women love 'come' via porn sites. Please, let me know how you all feel, perhaps I'm the one with a problem?


Dear C,

You are correct in your assessment. As men age they often become obsessed with the hardness of their erections and the amount of semen coming out of their "manhood" symbol, the almighty penis. Unless you are trying to conceive which is ludicrous in your sixties, you answered your own question.

Yes, it's most likely porn influencing his concern. The porn industry has always used male ejaculation to represent orgasm. They call it the "Money Shot." Now they also include female ejaculation to prove a woman has had a climax. What's so sad is that neither a male shooting a load nor a female squirting a bucket has anything to do with actually experiencing orgasm! While it's true both can be present at the time of orgasm, it is not proof positive.

Between commercial porn and Big Pharma meds, the American public barely stands a chance to enjoy sex these days. Fortunately you nailed them.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Gestal'thiano's picture
Tue, 02/23/2016 - 13:44

ALSO! How much sperm that a man (or at least I) ejaculate varies. And not just based on how long it's been since my last ejaculation!
That is a factor, but just one factor. 
To me, the amount of ejaculation depends a whole lot about the way I tense my abdominal muscles (stommach). The way I tense and squeeze during masturbation, and also when I orgasm/ejaculate, dictates how much cumm I release.
And I must agree* with Miss Betty! Men care about their penis-hardness and semen spillage, all the way from some sort of sexual awakening to at least age 27 (my point of reference)!
(*misread Betty earlier, fixed wrong word :) )

With erectitious regards :P,

Loving Touch

Gestal'thiano's picture
Fri, 02/19/2016 - 19:13

Gogo, Penirangers!

Hi Betty So at 68 if I

NOWHARD's picture
Sat, 02/20/2016 - 12:48

Hi Betty So at 68 if I ejaculte job done and who really cares how much whos going to see it, and as guys well we all do love to have good erection thats nice and firm, and as women you should appreciate that from your husband, lover or bed partner
Been through ED and and won, but since then have been getting far better erections, and as I tell the wife at 68 two things, never trust a fart and two never waste an erection, our only trouble now is I'm here in Greece and she is in the UK, but have not wasted an erection yet, if you know what I mean, its what the right hand is for.
Good Luck


Sun, 02/21/2016 - 07:21

Dear T,
This makes very little sense to me either, unless he's worried about the quality of the sex itself and his ejaculate is just a proxy.

It's nice for him to have something entirely within his control that he can measure and tell himself he's done a good job. He might be uncomfortable with the idea of sex as a qualitative rather than quantitative experience.

Maybe you could explore with him why he's so anxious about sex. Perhaps he imagines that you have some kind of rating system and he's falling short or maybe he just needs reassurance. Maybe the sex just isn't that good and he can't work out what to do to improve things and this is just a distraction to avoid having that conversation.

Good luck moving things forward

At the risk of missing the point, this cannot be the whole story

Sun, 02/21/2016 - 11:08
Lizzie Smith (not verified)

Is this 'disappointment thing' the only topic he wants to put on the agenda concerning your sex life together?
I can very well see this might truly be the case, unfortunately.
Some questions definitely arise for a reader, maybe because of the scarcity of information available.
Intrigued, I put my spoon in the soup, at the risk of hitting completely amiss.
The way the case is presented above seems to tell the male lover's main focus after sex is his lady's indifferent attitude towards amount of semen ejaculated.
Ok. This sounds a bit far-fetched reasoning from him. It reads male porn-tainted fable, as mentioned earlier.
As valued co-commentator NLH points out, I too, wonder if he is dissatisfied because of something else, something that is too ambiguous or difficult for him to put into words. It is certainly much easier for a man to talk about a tangible phenomenon than to try to find out about what were the other things going on a few minutes ago. 
Specially, if you both are in your sixties and have not educated yourselves much in the matters sexual, you may not have the vocabulary or skills to recognize nor talk about your individual experiences.
More fitting reasons for a man to be anxious right after he has come might be the following, and  surely, most of the men never say all this aloud:

- I came, but did she?
- If not, why? What am I to do now in order to help her?
- She's not saying anything. Shall I ask her or keep silent?
- What, if she wants me to do now something backbreaking or jaw-tensing, as I'd only like to close my eyes and fall asleep? 
- How can I solve this? Well, let's see ...
- ... Good. She bought it. She's accusing herself, as usual, finding fault in what she did. This is not nice, I know, but what else is there to do?

The self-talk written with poetic licence is going on in the lover's head. It is a trumped-up, purely fictitious conjecture that has no ties to reality.
If there would be some truth in it, the woman has luckily the power to change the script to a more pleasurable one, for both of the partners.
In the left hand column, uppermost of this website, under Topics, there is a lot of information how to practice to orgasm individually and together. 
I believe it's logical to assume, the need to focus on minor problems diminishes, if both partners are deeply, genuinely satisfied being able to combine sex together and self-induced orgasmic sex individually. This is what the blessed power of sexuality means in everyday relationships. 
Correct sex information becomes second nature for both partners by practice.
The lovers will have a vocabulary and proper knowledge in discussing their sex experiences with each other.
Happy practising!  

Victor Hugo and the brain-genitalia connection

Mon, 02/22/2016 - 19:48
bila kolbe

How quick we are to harshly judge others who espouse beliefs that clash with our own. Several contributors to D&R vehemently classified those who ascribe to a brain-genitalia connection (whereby frequent ejaculation could impact brain function) as wacko right-wing extremist teaparty members. I'm betting the naysayers haven't bothered to research how the brain and endocrine glands function as antagonistic competitors all vying to extract similar nutrients from the bloodstream to elaborate their respective fluids and hormones. I wonder if the naysayers are aware of how the brain and sex glands compete for the same dozen elements, proteins, and aminoacids to make CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) and semen. I'm guessing that the naysayers don't fully comprehend how testosterone and estrogen are linked to our behavior, cognition, and memory and the potential ill-effects resulting from sexual exhaustion. I'm quite sure aficionados of ejaculation and creampie porn are uninterested in reading literature, like my book "The Rejuvenating Power of Masturbation", that documents ancient Taoist-Hindu doctrine and modern medical research about this brain-genitalia connection. So be it. Cum as ye may. However, in the words of Victor Hugo: "Those who laugh at what they don't know are on the road to becoming idiots."


Tue, 02/23/2016 - 04:03

I'm not sure that I understand the connection/ where your post comes from. If anyone found my post harshly judgemental, I'm happy to apologise - that was certainly not my intent.

I still can't understand why T's partner is upset about her views on his ejaculate and think it's worth the two of them having a conversation to work out what's worrying him.

With regard to brain-body connections, whether genitals or other body parts, it seems clear that most of us have an instinctive pleasure reward/repeat physicality that we can choose to embrace or mitigate. Like everything in life, we can refine our technique and make better choices.  Quality really is better than quantity.

Cum as ye may

Tue, 02/23/2016 - 07:36
bila kolbe

Dear NLH, When following the trail of other posts and comments related to T's post above, I 'came upon' several slanderous comments(going back to 2010) about those who raise concerns about the ill effects of sexual gluttony, i.e frequent ejaculation. However, when I later concocted my response, I was unsuccessful in finding said trail/comments , ergo, I slipped my comment in among the comments to T's post. My apologies given that there is no such vitriol above and there is not a clear link between what I wrote and the gist of the above posts and comments other than the mention of the quantity of ejaculate. You NLH have always expressed yourself with the upmost eloquence, candor, and wisdom for which I truly enjoy reading everything you write. Please excuse my overly tangential remark, I just needed to vent about something that means a great deal to me: open-mindedness.

I have got lot of sperm

Wed, 10/11/2017 - 16:43
Soda (not verified)

I have a lot of sperm with 30-40ml per cum.

Source: Soda1 on Excite Pics