Dearest Betty and Carlin:
My wife and I both grew up in fairly dysfunctional (but non-abusive) families where sexual dialogue and education didn't exist. I was heavily committed to an evangelical religious worldview during my adolescent and young adult years, and we both came to our marriage bed as virgins, however one might define that term--no penetrative sex with any other human beings, save for one R-rated event during college on my part. I was 28 and she was 26. I was "saving it for Jesus--" with the hopes of a 0-60mph blissful eternal sexual life, a deferred-pleasure reward for being so strong and self-disciplined, and non-sinful.
Fast-forward 27 years. I am convinced that whatever personality type lead me into the strong religious zeal was the same culprit for keeping me from sexual communication, for almost the entirety of my married life. My religious worldview changed over a decade ago, but only now (interestingly after my wife convinced me to read Diana Gabaldon's Outlander Series with all its erotic honesty between the characters) have we begun to communicate, and the sex has finally become mutually enjoyable, although we are only taking baby steps--they are fun steps!
My question: I am reluctant to ask this, but I fear that I have lost the life opportunity to experience a sexual encounter with anyone else. I love my wife beyond anything. I would never do anything to hurt her, but I am afraid we are destined to be the only human beings on the planet who had one single sex partner in our lives. Why do I yearn for that human connection with another woman, to experience someone else's scent and feel and touch, when I have my own loving and growing opportunity at home with my soulmate? I am so incredibly envious of most of the site's audience about their opportunities to have experienced passionate sexual abandon with more than one person in their lives. Am I over-reacting? Am I under-appreciative? Is this the most selfish question around?
I'm definitely more sexually hungry than my wife, although we've gone from periodic dry spells of monthly sex to as often as 2-3 times per week more recently. I've fantasized about a prostitute, but likely wouldn't have the courage to go through with it, plus the horrible consequences if it should get out and hurt my wife in any way. I may be stuck, but it might be nice to know whether or not this is just a childish and selfish desire. At any rate, can I put in a plea to take sexual opportunities in life as they come, and don't, please don't commit to any "purity" BS prior to marriage.
Reluctant Poster-boy for Monogamy
My Dear man you are simply human, something most religions fail to recognize, except they have what they want: you suffering from excessive guilt which keeps you asking forgiveness..... from WHOM? Your pastor, priest, Jesus or god? It's really asking forgiveness for being human!
I have a terrible attitude toward all organized religions that manipulate us through sexual guilt. Free yourself. There are many ways to do this. One is an honest discussion with your wife about possibly attending a sex party. She most likely would not be interested. Or simply keeping your own counsel and connecting with a professional sex worker. Or investigating the Poly community where couples connect for recreational sex! Now there's a concept, yes? Recreational sex!
Or get yourself some sex toys (the Aneros and Fleshlight) and masturbate with outrageous fantasies about whores, sluts and dirty girls. Get into edging which is holding off for as along as possible until you finally let go into a HUGE orgasm that nearly knocks you out! There are just so many ways to deal with what I consider to be a terrible disservice to humanity and sexuality...Monogamy! It's all about controlling the masses by a few church fathers who are getting blowjobs from young boys. Or insecure men who desperately need to own their beloved's pussy. Let me know how you solve this natural longing.