What is Lust & Desire?

Tue, 09/01/2015 - 09:23
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I must admit I have no idea how to express my problem. My friends masturbate a lot and as friends always do we share our experiences with each other. But I never felt any lust or desire while masturbating.  I tried several times but It did not seem to be my cup of tea. I cannot imagine what it feels like for my friends ,but it never felt well.

The main reason for my lack of lust is that there is nothing or no one who turns me on. I tried to fantasize about men who look really great, but for my pity does not exist (Thor, men in video games), but this was also fruitless...I am never turned on, wet and so on...

But I don't know what is wrong with me and it frustrates me.


Dear C, Your problem is just basic sexual repression. Quite common actually but most do not admit it.

You must be your own lover. Selflove is the highest form of sexual expression and must come first. Think of practicing masturbation similar to a dancer learning a new routine. Or an athlete just learning a new sport. It's not about being "In the mood" or having some "hot sexual fantasy" that isn't there. It's more like going to your health club and working out. The information you need is inside the website with our topic listed in the left hand column. It's just fun, so enjoy yourself!

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Tue, 09/01/2015 - 22:27

Could it simply be that you are asexual? Never having met or even seen anybody with whom you wanted to have sex sounds like asexuality to me.

I'm pretty sure that I'm asexual myself, and I don't particularly enjoy masturbating either. (Well, I enjoy the occasional genital contact, but only up to a certain point, and I've never felt any need or desire to go past that point.) If you don't like it, it's okay not to do it.

I do agree with Betty, though, that it is important to love yourself, and that it's pretty much impossible to have a good relationship with another (and easy to get trapped in a bad relationship) if you do not love yourself. Nonetheless, loving yourself also means not forcing yourself to do things that you really don't want to do. Just as it's okay to have sex if you want to, it's also okay not to have sex if you don't want to.