Dear Dr. Betty
Since the age of 13, I have discovered my sexuality and started masturbating. Now that I am 17 and have a boyfriend & I feel like I just cannot orgasm with him. The first time we've had sexual activity was when we were 15, and I feel great pleasure but I never have been able to orgasm on his behalf.
I just take too long. I sometimes feel like I've masturbated so much through those few years that my clit just becomes desensitized after a period of time that keeps me from orgasming. Even when I'm alone in my room, I have trouble doing so, with or without porn (which I pretty much always watched to assist my playing). I don't know what to do. I am tired of lying to him about it and I want to feel these great sensational orgasms as I used to have as a preteen.
On the note of sensations, many times when my boyfriend is licking my nipples, I don't really feel it unless he bites/nibbles on them. Is that normal? I mean I assume I should feel it, right? Many times I'm laid back trying to enjoy and he's on my chest but I have to look up wondering if he's still licking them, which he is and a lot.
Also, my boyfriend and I barely have had our first intercourse this August and of course, I don't have access to birth control considering my parents don't approve of underage sex. I was wondering if wearing a condom and pulling out is a better, more effective option then simply keeping it in while he ejaculates or does it just not make a difference? Can we trust one method better then the other?
I'm sorry for these long questions. Thank you so much though for having these links and visuals available to us. It really has been a help to me to understand concepts that I hadn't even thought about.
With much curiosity,
The problem of not coming with your boyfriend is not because you've been masturbating. It's that you expect to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone and very few of us can do that. So it does not a matter how long he can keep fucking. I suggest you combine your masturbation technique (how you stimulate your clitoris) and add that while he's doing vaginal penetration. Our motto here at D&R is "Clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration both at the same time.
I suggest you stop viewing porn as it's entertainment for men and does not include a woman's sexual needs. Porn stars are paid to fake orgasms and men end up believing their penis is all we need. WRONG! We also need clitoral stimulation.
As for contraception condoms do work providing they are used correctly. Make sure your BF holds onto the rim when he pulls out after he ejaculates. Pulling out before ejaculation or the "wiithdrawal method" is not safe. Condoms are much better. continue to take advantage of the visual and verbal information on our website. You're doing great so continue to learn. Orgasmic partner sex is like any art form where we get better the more we practice.