Dear Dr. Betty,
I am 48 years old and had my first orgasm at 21 using a shower head. Through the years the only way I can achieve orgasm is by squatting in the shower and tensing up my body and using the shower head. I end up bearing down and bear weight on my toes. It is a big ordeal and I have to stretch out my body, particularly my calf muscles as they get so tight. I then have cramps in my calfs for days. I have presented this issue to many Gynecologists and even a few Sex Therapists and no one seems to be able to help me.
I have never had an orgasm with a man, whether it be intercourse or oral sex. I got married last week to a man that I love and I want to be able to orgasm with him. I don't know if I have habituated to a certain way of achieving orgasm. When I was 21 I was able to be relaxed and use shower head to achieve orgasm but as the years progressed I have needed to tense up.
It's time for you to start having your orgasms on dry land. As we age, we often need more stimulation which explains your added leg tension. You need to invest in a quality vibrator and my book Orgasms for Two. One good vibrator for sex with a partner is the slim Eroscillator. However if like me you end up wanting stronger stimulation, the Magic Wand is my favorite. Since it's rather large, the positions are more demanding. However, I have included drawings in the book describing the best positions for a Wand that is now rechargeable. LOving it!.
Your statement about asking many Gynecologists and even a few Sex Therapists and none were able to help is a sad state of affairs. We are currently setting up a curriculum for professionals who get no sex education. Most of D&R's info is based on personal sexual experiences and it seems med school leaves no time for actually having sex. We're working on how to solve this problem.
Now is the perfect time to learn how to share orgasms with your new husband. My book will be the perfect guide. Read Orgasms for Two together.