My (recent) ex engages in a lot of casual sex, & never has any trouble finding a willing partner whenever he wants. I feel *really* bitter that finding (at least some basic level of) sexual fulfillment is so easy for him, & comparatively so difficult for me. I'm convinced that the cards are stacked against me in a variety of (mostly gendered ways) - ie casual sex is a much riskier proposition for me (in terms of pregnancy as well as risk of violence), weeding out the misogynists is hard & exhausting work, a lot of straight men are selfish or just bad lovers, etc....&, in my opinion, there are just not nearly as many attractive men as there are attractive women.
I have been trying to tell myself "I take responsibility for my own pleasure", & also have been masturbating a lot (which is great); but I can't shake the feeling of 'injustice' & basic unfairness. This is a feeling that preceded this most recent relationship, so is not merely linked to the feelings I have about that breakup...more an overall sense that I haven't had as many good sexual experiences as I deserve, & feel powerless about this.
Is my feeling of scarcity based in reality at all?? I want to feel empowered, not bitter!
I clearly remember going through a similar phase. What you are complaining about is the sexual double standard. Men are expected to run the fuck so they determine the quality of the sexual exchange. Also it's far easier for guys to get off than women. I had to get up the courage to stimulate my own clitoris during vaginal penetration. When the guy wanted to do it for me, I was willing, but they invariably used too much pressure. Yes it is far more complicated for women to find a man with a slow hand (and a delicate touch). Meanwhile a dude only needs a set of nice boobs and a wet pussy.
However, once a woman takes control of her sexual pleasure, can do her own clitoris and clearly state her pleasure, female orgasms are stronger, last longer and can continue to be repeated for hours. So hang in there and become a sexually sophisticated woman who knows how to get what she wants.