Widowed Mum: I Want Great Sex But No Commitment

Thu, 05/21/2015 - 08:38
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

Thank you for your website its great and empowering!

I'm 45 a widowed mum with 3 kids 11..13 and 16.

I have been single for 2 and a half years. I have been putting myself out of my comfort zone and have had amazing orgasmic sex but have not found a constant partner. Well other than a married man. He is beautiful physically and we are sexually on fire.

I have kept dating and sometimes we have a break when I start seeing someone else. He is fully supportive of me in this regard.

I think the trouble is that I'm finding is that I don't want to commit to anyone. When I start seeing a single man he wants me to see only him. I have been called a slut.

I am loving going out on a Friday night and meeting gorgeous young men who devour me and don't want commitment.

I have 5 more years to raise my children and I don't want a non biological dad influencing my kids. Ideally I would like to meet a single man who I can have a great friendship and sex with a few times a week. My divorced friend I have trouble with because he is dishonest with his wife.

Am I making my life more complex than it needs to be? Am I expecting too much? After being in 2 monogamous marriages for over 23 years should it be naturally hard to commit? Do I just keep going and eventually find someone who will allow me freedom and great sex. I think I keep searching. Do you?

Dear D,

I love it when my questioner answers her own question! Yes, "keep searching." Your problem is hoping to find someone who will allow you freedom and great sex. This is where YOU state your pleasure and get what you want. YOU are in charge, not some guy you're dating.

As for your married lover, you are not the morality police in charge of how he lives with his wife. I often preferred married men as I wasn't responsible for their emotional or relationship lives. We simply got together for sex. There's a lot of wives who are relieved not to have to put up having sex with hubby when they get nothing from it, so that sense, you are doing both of them a favor.

Single guys want to own you cause "good pussy" isn't that readily available. I'm sure they don't want you to "own their dicks" so they can continue to screw any and everyone they choose. Next time a guy calls you a "slut" thank him. Tell him it's taken you years to learn to be one. So it's nice to know you've finally arrived.

I'd say after a lifetime of monogamy and commitment, enjoying a variety of lovers is perfect tor now. You know what you want and you deserve to have it so all you have to do now is to have sex on YOUR own terms, which will change over time. It's not easy to embrace an abundance of pleasure but I'd say you're doing just great. Continue to enjoy yourself.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Go, go go!

Miss Moonlight's picture
Sat, 05/23/2015 - 12:51
Miss Moonlight

You go for it girl!

enjoy the rollercoaster

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:50

I have found the very same problem, trying to find a great lover/s without the commitment and monogamy/jelousy .....but its hard sometimes emotionally because we are so indoctrinated into what we are expected to want and how we are expected to behave we fall back into the trap sometimes. Read Bettys Sexwars it makes so much sense to me for where I am at looking at lovers who are loving and generous but not possessive or romatically dependent ... exploring sex and sexual experiences ... I think you are sounding very balanced and know what you want to do so go forth and keep doing it/them hahaha I agree too another persons relationship is not your responsibility leave that to them to worry about. I think it has been good for my kids now that i am orgasmic and sexual becasue it has really changed me for the better and I hope it will make them more open to their own sexual being. My next challenge is to attend a sex party!!! I am going to a pre party meet and greet which I am excited about! its a rollercoaster out there, strap yourself in, be safe, stay in control, get on and enjoy the ride xxx

the roller coaster

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 04:59

Hi Beljane
Thanks for your encouragement! 

I would like to enjoy a sex party one time.  I admire your courage to participate in one!  I haven't gone there yet!  

I did go out last weekend and found myself attracted to a woman for the first time ever. ..  Life just keeps on getting more interesting. 

It would be interesting to see how your 1st party goes!?

I am playing with a friend who is 20 years younger than me at moment.   It has been great on many levels.  The level of appreciation, the turn on, and availability is great!

Thanks for referring sex wars, I will read it.  I'm midway through orgasms for 2.

Kind regards Danielle