I know that this blog is about sex...and what you have to say about it is mind-blowing and paradigm-shattering, for me. Because of your unique viewpoint, I would love to hear your opinion on a question I have about women's roles.
What is your opinion about the role (if any) that nurturing should play in a woman's relationship with her (male) partner? Once, after I had been with a partner many years, (and things were already getting rocky) he said, jokingly,' that it was my job to keep him from getting anxiety and being anxious. I was surprised at the honesty I was hearing, and immediately I knew that was wrong. I am no longer in that relationship.
However, the theme does continue to come up with other men...specifically asking for nurturing at different times when they need it. Nurturing is a healthy part of a relationship isn't it? If it is mutual, and not care-taking and codependent...? You can see I am still trying to figure this out, as I know I come across as a nurturer (in all my relationships). I need some balance, though.
What do you think about nurturing and gender roles in hetero adult partner relationships?
The first most obvious meaning of nurturing is a mother raising a child. However the act of nurturing is important in all of our relationships/friendships beginning with nurturing ourselves. That's number One. If I can't take care of myself then I'm not able to nurture another person.
As for your lover's expectations that it was your job to keep him from getting anxious, that's a bit much. Yes, we can be loving and supportive by encouraging another person, but we are NOT responsible to keep them from feeling anxious unless we are their therapist who is a professional and getting paid.
As for men in general, most smart women know we are the first sex. Since we give birth, we have more genetic material, our brains are wired for better communicating and we understand co-operation and how to work in social groups. When women speak together, they often refer to their husbands as the "Big kid" after they start having children. I just witnessed Carlin going through pregnancy and birth and her husband was absolutely spectacular. He was by her side at every turn. When he comes home from work, she can hand the baby off to Daddy and take a break. Parenting is a two (or more) person job. A good Daddy is every bit as much a nurturer as Mommy in an ideal world.