I'm Going to Stop Jacking Off to Porn

Thu, 04/16/2015 - 07:16
Submitted by Betty Dodson

hi aunt(dr.) betty,

i'm new to the dodson/ross site here. i came here through the FB fan page. i'd like to comment on the situation regarding ED and porn. i watched gary wilson's ted talk "the great porn experiment" and after denying for some time now, conducting my own experiment, really, i'm going to stop that stuff. jacking off to porn.

i'm soon to be 60yrs. young and have not had a steady woman in my life for 5 yrs now.i didn't feel the need nor the desire to be with one and discovered recently that i've got more than enough symptoms to say i'm counter-dependent. but solo sex gets me through times when there's no woman available. i'm sacrificing the sex to avoid the relationship. OK, so far? well not for me.

Porn has become an addiction and i know that's what is causing the ED that i've been afflicted with. i wake up hard during the night and/or in the morning, so the mechanics are good. no prostate problems and no guilt due to the masturbation. i've always rubbed one out from time to time, even in previous relationships when the sex was frequent and hot. it's at the point now where i i'm pretty sure i need the porn for arousal. not good.

Recently, i had a fuck friend and would lose the erection during oral and/or penetration. no fun. it's a good thing i've got oral skills or she would have booted me out the door. she always came but i rarely did. expect when i'd masturbate to porn after. alarm bells. gary wilson's talk did it for me. i'm dealing with the counter-dependency with a 12-step program that's helped me with other stuff(not alcohol) thanks for taking the time to read, and any response would be appreciated though not expected

jp xox

Dear JP,

Yup! You got that right and you're doing the best thing by coming off porn. It starts off so harmlessly and then one day, we can't "get in the mood" or ''get it up" so we end up on some XXX site which charges up ye old sex organs and at some point, we get hooked. Your sex organ will appreciate some real time while you use your brain for a hot fantasy. Then functioning with a person will naturally fall into place. I'm rooting for you.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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re: ED?

Thu, 04/16/2015 - 13:54

I really don't know how to respond to this, but I'll begin by saying that I'm 65, I've been viewing erotica for over 50 years, I've been happily married for almost 45 years and I've never experienced any kind of negative psycho-sexual effects regarding viewing/masturbating to erotic images.
As the concept of "addiction" goes, I think this is generally just the "human condition."  We find something we like, and we naturally want more of that thing, whether it's erotica, doughnuts, football, whatever.  Each person has their own individual "Jones" and fetishes.  And it's coming to terms with those desires and establishing a sense of moderation that makes all the difference.  Otherwise, we're no different from an alcoholic; one (1) of anything is too much and 100 isn't enough.
But to suggest that one could experience ED (erectile disfunction) as a result of viewing erotica is - I think - nonsense.  Ok, fine.  To each their own.  Each person has to make their own determinations as to what THEY think adversely or positively affects their lives.
Truth be told, there are probably millions of "solosexuals" in this country (in the world, for that matter) whose primary sex life is with themselves, and whatever additional "stimulus" they prefer.  I think if porn per se had the potential to contribute to ED, you'd hear a lot more about that.  Color me skeptical.
So, as far as this individual is concerned, well...you "do what you have to do."  If you think abstaining from porn is the answer to your particular problem, then go with it.
But there's also something to be said for the power of the placebo, if you get my drift...

PS ~ I've been following Betty for decades, and I don't recall her ever alluding to any kind of "pure" masturbation; in other words, using just one's hand/fingers and no other kind of stimulus (visual, audio, sex toy, etc.).  Most people who masturbate, masturbate to something.  So, I don't think it's any kind of a pejorative thing to include images, video, a fetish object, a vibrator. Something.  I know for a fact I've read Betty's responses to women who think they may  be "addicted" to their vibrator, and that Betty enjoys her Hitachi very much.  What I'm saying is, people "include" something in their masturbations; it's not just their hand/fingers and their imagination, and that neither "form" of masturbation is better or worse than the other.

After looking up the video

Sun, 04/19/2015 - 01:55

After looking up the video online I can see why you would want to stop. I also found it interesting how the gentleman talks about the different effect different types of stimulation provided. You get a whole combination of visual and sound when watching a video in comparison to a magazine that just gives you and image that entices our minds to fantasize about the person or action. I hope that not watching porn helps you. 

Affirm your love for yourself

Sat, 04/25/2015 - 19:53

JP, Your beliefs are the architects of your experience. If you are sure that porn is the cause of your ED, then you have basically solidified that concept of cause and effect in your psyche and created a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, the good news is that you do not have to victimize yourself based on your particular mindset. Affirm your love for yourself, your body, your cock. With self-love as your foundation, it doesn't matter whether you use porn, fantasy, imagination, etc. as your kindling to ignite your sexual fire. Sexual stimulation foments the most marvelous benefits in your body, mind, and spirit. It sounds to me like you have relinquished some of your sexual self-worth to the seductiveness of porn. Affirm and believe in your love for yourself, your body, your cock. I'm betting your Erectile Dysfunction will turn into an Erectile Dynamo. Check out my website www.therpom.com- The Rejuvenating Power of Masturbation.
All the best,
Bila

re: Affirm your love

Sun, 04/26/2015 - 04:57

Bila is absolutely correct. It does NOT matter what you use as fuel or inspiration for your self-pleasure (meaning some form of media) , or if you choose to use nothing at all but your imagination.  It is self-pleasure that is at stake here, and not the politics of porn.

I'm with you there

Tue, 04/28/2015 - 22:21
Johnjohnjohn (not verified)

Hi there
I'm just a little younger, 63. My partner is 50 and is only recentlly come-of-age, orgasm-wise. Having been beaten as a kid and trapped in a loveless marriage for 25 years, she's like a kid in a candy store with her newly found orgasmic delights!

Because of our respective domestic arrangements, we only get to have quality time together every few months. However, we both enjoy watching "nice" (non-violent/degrading) porn together as part of our "playtime".

She reaches orgasm way more readily than I sometimes do, so, if it ain't gonna happen for me, I just give her the nod and off she flies! I don't believe my liking for watching porn has any effect on whether I can orgasm or not. And what's more, neither she nor I care a damn anyway. What happens wil happen, and we're both happy with that.

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