How Can I Keep My Vagina From Expanding During Sex?

Mon, 04/13/2015 - 08:34
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I am 23 and have have had chronic lyme disease for five years and it caused me to have a loss of sensation in much of my lower body. It was finally diagnosed last year, and now that I have been treating it, the feeling is coming back. I also have been on antidepressants for the past four years and recently stopped taking the main drug. Within a few days of stopping I suddenly have a much easier time getting aroused. While this sounds great.. it actually has become a problem.

My clit is now intensely sensitive which has never been a problem before(even though I have been masturbating multiple times daily for the past five years.. although not as a child). It is so intense I can barely touch myself and can only reach orgasm through the clitoral hood. I am trying to work through the clit sensitivity on my own like you talk about it your other posts. However, the other problem is that once I am aroused my vagina becomes much loser than it ever was before and my boyfriend and I get less contact and sensation during sex. After about 30 seconds my vagina just expands immensely and even though I use my pc muscles (which I have always done before anyway) I can't feel him, nor him me.

Once he starts loosing sensation he starts loosing his erection and its all down hill from there. We have tried multiple positions to no avail. Is there anything else I can do to make my vagina tighter or to get more contact?

I deeply appreciate any suggestions!

R.

Dear R,

The purpose of all clitoral hoods is to protect the hyper sensitive clitoral glans. Most women stimulate above, below or to one side but NEVER by pulling the hood up and contacting the glans directly.

A question you might ask yourselves is why the consistent focus on fucking? Since you're not trying to make a baby how about enjoying some partner assisted masturbation? He does his own dick while you add erotic touch to his testicles, anus and nipples. Then take turns. This one is a consistent winner!

Beyond developing your pelvic floor muscle, the other technique for more contact during intercourse is for you to circle the base of his penis with your thumb and finger as he penetrates you vaginally. Finally, consider developing skills for anal sex which will satisfy him, but in order for that to work for you, add direct clitoral stimulation at the same time. There are so many delightful erotic things to do beyond penis/vagina penetration. Please consider expanding your sexual repertoire.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

A woman accepts being the imperfect one no matter how absurd...

Tue, 04/14/2015 - 02:40
Lizzie Smith (not verified)

The young writer, R, seems to take for granted a fairly fanciful physiological conception that leads her to try to find fault in her vagina dimensions.
How convenient would it be if the culprit would be her anatomy.
Nor is the solution for the couple likely to be found by insisting on scouting up more intercourse positions for penis in vagina sex.
Many couples find the typical missionary position satisfying in many ways and include it in their sessions as one of the staples. Too much of a good thing can be a disadvantage, though, piv-positions are predictable, and they favor male gratification at the expence of woman's.
Therefore, if overly ephasized, they tend not to be as mutually erotically arousing as for example masturbation, by turns, that Dr. Betty suggests.  
For a woman in a relationship it is harmful to innocently and ignorantly accept responsibility over issues that may, logically, stem from a myriad of other reasons that have more sound basis in fact. 
Matters of sex are emotionally sensitive for both parties. There is a subliminal temptation to power-play.
Which reality dominates? Does it matter, even which one of the parties gets to say or do what at the moment of making love? Are we not aiming at bonding together, merging with each other as one, relishing in forgetting the deviding lines of our individual personalities?
In this context, how frighteningly natural it is for a woman to accept accountability, being the imperfect one no matter how absurd the facts.
One of the issues in the letter of R seems to be, boyfriend loses his erection within 30 seconds of piv-intercourse starting.
Here in D&R we often see how the masturbation-practices of men of all ages with a 'grip of death' plus porn render them suffering from lack of sufficient arousal and sensitivity in piv-intercourse.  
One remedy for Male Masturbation Injury Syndrome is to discard vigorous, intensive manual for a period of time.
Replace manual with gentle use of Fleshlight, or other soft masturbation sleeve that can be included as a regular party in the partner-sex as well as a vibrator for her.  
Forget about the fancy story of a vagina of a 23-old expanding in arousal to such an extent that it is the cause of boyfriend losing his erection repeatedly, as a pattern.
Besides, when a young woman gets truly familiar with her own self-induced, authentic orgasms, she will respect herself more, become more realistic of what partnered sex can offer, and enjoy herself more.

five years of living with known symptoms of Lyme's disease

Tue, 04/14/2015 - 13:40
feminist indignation (not verified)

Lizzie, what a beautiful job of hearing R and imaging what might be going with her relationship. And R five years of living with known symptoms of Lyme's disease, which was acute enough to loose feeling and four of those years, undiagnosed. Nothing wrong with you kid except you were really sick and people did not believe you? Guessing doctors and friends told you, you were crazy. At 23 or 83 people who are dismissed need to give themselves a break. R, enjoy as Lizzie says, discovering your body. Sounds like instead of feeling your body develop you felt it wasting away.

Enjoy having a partner to share that with. Enjoy him discovering him and enjoy discovering the two of you together. No need to rush sexual perfection so some arbitrary standard. Take the time to develop your ability to love, empathize and be with another human being. Learn how to reach for and be available to be reached for. Find emotional support and connection and the ways that can make your bond more secure and supportive. Do that, and sex sort of trundles along behind like an adoring puppy.

R, pat your self on the back and the boy friend too. Check out Sue M. Johnson's "Hold Me Tight" and thank Lizzie for her confidence in you both. Hold and strengthen your emotional bond.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.