I Want to Explore Partner Sex & My New Ability to Orgasm During Sex

Fri, 03/13/2015 - 07:28
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi, Betty,

First of all, thank you so much for your blogs and videos. Thanks to you, I've felt much more liberated and confident in my sexuality. I'm writing to you today to ask your opinion on a sexual dilemma I'm facing. I'm a 24 year old woman and just last year, I learned how to cum during partner sex. It's been so exciting for me, I want to try different positions and experiment with my orgasms.

However, my partner (22 year old male) does not share my enthusiasm. He doesn't have much of an interest in sex (we only have it about twice a week.) He has a hard time keeping an erection (and he lives a healthy lifestyle, with the exception of smoking cigarettes.) The only way he can keep an erection and cum is if he is pounding away and cums in 1 or 2 minutes. Slow penetration makes him go soft. The only way I've been able to keep him hard enough for me to reach an orgasm through intercourse is me on top, riding him very quickly.

Even then, I feel like he is saying "hurry up! Before it goes away!" What can I do? I know erectile dysfunction is not my fault. I try to incorporate sexy things into our relationship, he just doesn't seem that interested. And I feel a little sexually deprived. Of course I masturbate, but I want to explore partner sex and my new ability to orgasm during sex.

I love him, but I am sexually frustrated and I catch myself subtly taking it out on him. What's your advice?

Dear L,

You might want to consider what you mean when you use the word "love" as in, "he does not share my enthusiasm. He doesn't have much of an interest in sex (we only have it about twice a week.) He has a hard time keeping an erection. The only way he can keep an erection and cum is if he is pounding away and cums in 1 or 2 minutes. Slow penetration makes him go soft. The only way I've been able to keep him hard enough for me to reach an orgasm through intercourse is me on top, riding him very quickly. Even then, I feel like he is saying "hurry up!"

So am I to understand these are the "things" about him you "love?" or merely tolerate for some strange reason. I suggest you move along and find a more sexually compatible "lover" or whatever you decide to call it. Good luck.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Trying to orgasm mainly by PIV is hard work for her

Fri, 03/13/2015 - 16:30
Lizzie Smith (not verified)

One source for discord and tension in partnersex may be that 'penis in vagina' -method is not easy or reliable enough for a woman to orgasm in the long run as her main method of orgasming in partnersex.  
Trying to succeed to orgasm mainly through PIV means hard work for her.
She may find it equally cumbersome to bring her solo masturbation mode of release into partnersex. 
Many women simply cannot focus mentally in order to come when a partner is present even if there would be no physical contact whatsoever during the minutes needed for her to concentrate.
The closest to a shared experience a couple of this kind can get is that she orgasms privately right before the partnersex session.
It is common for a woman to feel sexually deprived and experience lack of genuine interest from the partner if she approaches partnersex overwrought and the session leaves her tense and frustrated. 
It may be helpful to abandon the fixed models of sexual practices. Try something truly outrageous and skip PIV as her way of orgasming. 
Accept the maddening injustice of The Mother Nature, that physical contact with partner and the mere presence of him impedes and interferes with a woman's ability to easily orgasm.
Acknowledge that PIV-penetrative intercourse provides inadequate, less than optimal stimulation for a woman to orgasm.
Stop being compliant with the male model of partnersex that does not serve the woman's needs. Nor does it do much good for the ones of the man either.

Betty tells it like it is!

Fri, 03/13/2015 - 18:52
B (not verified)

Amazing advice, Betty; and you couldn't be more correct. I'm 28 and went through a similar situation with a man when I was in my early '20s. If someone isn't fufilling your sexual needs (whether he or she can help it or not), it's done, done and on onto the next one. It's best to move onto something bigger and better. If I wouldn't have left my ex I would have never met my soulmate. This may be hard to hear, but the bottom line is, if things aren't working out sexually, it's a sign of incompatibility. 

Don't get pregnant, and move

Fri, 03/13/2015 - 20:02
Mary Putana (not verified)

Don't get pregnant, and move on as soon as you can.

Sexually, dump him. If he

Sat, 03/14/2015 - 08:15
JohnjohnJohn (not verified)

Sexually, dump him. If he doesn't get it at 22, probably isn't going to.

Problem with porn?

Wed, 08/31/2016 - 16:47
Creme (not verified)

Maybe his brain is jacked up from too much porn and he's not telling her.

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