He Wants Me to Lick His Ass But Won't Eat Me Out

Sun, 03/22/2015 - 09:44
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear wonderful doctor Betty,

So I'm seeing a new guy and I'm not sure if we're really compatible in bed. The first time we had sex he was very aggressive and seemed to like spanking me and choking me. I let him know I wasn't really into the choking and he's since stopped that. Now I have a few other issues with our sex and I'm not sure if I should just chalk it up to us not being compatible and move on, or work through it.

1. We've only had sex a handful of times but it seems like he can't cum during sex. We've done it both with and without a condom and every time we end up stopping and he jacks off while I lick his balls. He's even stopped me giving him head and moved me to his balls while he jacks off. I'm very confident in my blow jobs and am open to changing it up, but he doesn't talk to me. His hand and my mouth on his balls makes him cum but I've never been with someone who can't cum from vaginal sex/blow jobs and it's throwing me.

2. Next on the list, he seems to like anilingus (me giving, him receiving) and I'm not really sure I'm into it. I did it once to him while he was jacking off and he came immediately. I don't love the idea of licking down there but I can tell he likes it so I don't know what to do. I'm also trying to work through the stigma of a man who likes a finger in his ass. I enjoy it so I shouldn't judge him for enjoying it as well, right?

3. Finally, I only really cum when a guy goes down on me and fingers me simultaneously but this new guy doesn't ever use his tongue. He'll finger me and rub my clit but it's not enough - I need his tongue. I told him this and he replied "I'm not good at it" and dropped the conversation. I don't know if I should take this as he's actually not confident in his abilities (which we can work on) or that he doesn't like doing it (which is a deal breaker for me).

Is this too much? Should I move on to the next one or try and work these things out?

Dear J,

Just as you suspected......move along. This guy is bad news. He's watched too much porn while he jacks off so that's why he's got you licking his balls while he handles his dick. Anyone who won't reciprocate is a loser.

You can do much better than him so quickly move along. One of the easiest ways I found to let a guy go is to tell him I just fell in love with someone and we are going steady. Don't waste another minute on Mr. Selfish.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Men don't permit self-victimization take place in bedroom.

Mon, 03/23/2015 - 03:05
Lizzie Smith (not verified)

If a person is unable to reciprocally give and take, it comes out in the open very quickly also outside the bedroom.
A hopelessly selfish grown-up is not good boyfriend-material.
One thing of couple-sexuality a woman can learn, though, from even the most unteachable male has to do with taking matters literally in your own hands during partner-sex:
A woman chooses wisely if she stimulates herself to orgasm instead of expecting it from the boyfriend.
This attitude is something any male takes for granted when the matter concerns his orgasms in partnersex.
You can almost say that, when it comes to effective, optimal stimulation, penetrative sex means about the same as masturbation for a man.
The penis in vagina receives more or less the same sort of stimulation as it does when he is stimulating himself manually. 
Therefore, it is understandable a man resorts to manual stimulation if he finds penetrative stimulation not optimal for some reason. 
So, you, J, have not allowed yourself yet the same possibility or the same kind of matter-of-fact attitude men put to good use every time they have penetrative sex.
If a woman depends on the uncertainty of the sexual skills of her partner in something as important as her orgasm, it leads to inevitable disappointment.
Men seldom have the skills, patience or the attitude in order to deliver.
Consequently, a woman puts herself in a vulnerable position needing to cope with the inexorable disappointments.
Men never permit this kind of self-victimization take place in bedroom.
Instead, they make sure, in completely self-righteous manner, that they get sufficient amount of stimulation, one way or another. 
Much to learn for us women.

One sided

Thu, 03/26/2015 - 01:10

This is one of the most one sided cases I have heard about. Move on to someone who is prepared to give and enjoy giving what you need.

i hope he is long gone by now

Thu, 01/28/2016 - 22:10
Anonymous2 (not verified)

I have a rule that if a guy wont lick pussy he gets no bj or vaginal. Guys like that move on pretty quickly on thier own when they realize they wont be getting any. Might be time to start prescreening like that. 

More Points

Tue, 01/17/2017 - 15:23
Jamil (not verified)

I agree that this male sounds selfish by description. The fact that he wasn't willing to try and learn how to perform better makes that clear. I'm a man and I get my greatest pleasure out of being the best lover my partner has ever had....I ask questions and consistently improve on whatever needs work. I don't know about males in general not being able to deliver....I think it's a matter of character myself. My girl and I equally try to outdo each other in pleasing the other....that's how it should be. I wanted to bring up some other points of this issue concerning this guy not coming orally or from penetration. I have the experience on a few occasions where the woman kept moving around too much or out of the ideal stimulating orgasmic position. The oral could be an issue coming from technique...some men like fast...some slow, etc. But no matter what....getting your balls licked while you stroke yourself to orgasm is heavenly! Even if you have awesome penetrating and oral sex.....it's just another great way to climax. He wasn't communicating so you won't know what the exact is was. These are some practical possibilities that may be helpful in the future. 

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