Dear Dr. Betty,
I was repeatedly raped when I was nine years old over the period of several months. During this time, due to the immense trauma and pain, I learned to shut down completely and "go away" when it was happening. Now I'm 24 and I can't feel anything during sex. I can't even masturbate. It hasn't always been this way, when I was a teenager I masturbated frequently and was very good at giving myself pleasure. But at that time my trauma was not dealt with and I had pushed it to the very back of my mind.
Since then, in order to heal, I have been to therapy and brought it all to the surface, and since doing so I feel like my body has shut down. I just can't masturbate anymore, I don't feel anything, it's like I've forgotten how. Do you have an advice on how to reconnect with my body? When I try to touch myself my body shuts down and my mind gets all fuzzy just like when I was a kid, which means that I just can't get anywhere.
Sex with my fiance is the same -- I can't feel pleasure. I don't mind so much during sex with him, as the experience is still enjoyable due to the intimacy involved, but I am very much bothered by my inability to masturbate. I just want to be able to give myself pleasure again and I don't know where to start.
Unfortunately your story is more common than most realize. We assume that therapy is the answer yet your experience says differently. If possible, book a session with me and actually masturbate under my guidance. Once I can see what your doing or not doing, you can enjoy your own personal orgasms again.
You can stream or buy several of my DVD's showing a private session. Just don't give up. Perhaps it's time to invest in a quality electric vibrator like the Magic Wand or the Eroscillator and read my suggestions for the best way to use them along with my basic steps for masturbation. You can solve this so don't give up and let the abuser win. Masturbating to orgasm will be your healing. Go for it.