Dear Dr. Betty,
I don't know if you remember me, but I emailed you a while back in the Summer regarding my situation. I'll recap fast. I e-mailed you seeking your advice regarding me sleeping with a guy, while I was over in London for an exchange trip. How I wanted to do it because I'm single and never had sex before. I'm 19 and he's 32. Now over the summer he told me he was married, and I was pissed because he did not disclose that information in the first place. So we stopped talking. After four months went on by without talking he contacts me back in December. Over Christmas he tells me he still wants to fuck me.
Now I'm at a crossroads. I'm single and still never had sex. I'm not romantically nor emotionally attracted. I don't want him as a partner. I want him to be my first simply because he's experienced, he's attractive, knows what I like and want, and would give me the best sex. I know its wrong because he's married. But this not an emotional thing nor is he leaving his spouse after we get together. It's simply physical from both ends.
I need your advice. You have so much experience. I know I can't ask anyone else because they would judge or tell me I'm a mistress, slut, whore. I'm choosing to be single and as a woman who's never had sex before, I really don't want my first time to be with some horny 19 year old boy who doesn't know what he's doing and thinks he penis is his only weapon of choice. Now I know all boys are like that. But for right now I want my first time to be with a guy who's experienced, knows my body and turn-ons, who would be gentle, and willing to do anything I asked because he cares about how I would feel during sex.
Betty, please I need your advice for lack of a better word. Also I promise you i'm not some naive, stupid, dumb young woman. I know what i'm getting into and what i'm getting out of it. Just I want some advice from a woman who's had some experience herself. Thank you and keep up the great work!
From all that you've said, I'd go ahead and have sex with him. Providing you have some form of birth control. You have considered this from different points of view and it's not up to us to judge his marital status. Just don't forget this years later when you're married and discover hubby is screwing around. Yes, it happens all the time and there's sweet little we can do about it. As a single young career woman living in NYC, I actually preferred married men. I was only interested in sex while their wives had to deal with the problems that are the natural part of being in any relationship.
I like the fact that you are clear about NOT getting involved with him. But I warn you in advance, that when sex is good it can be very powerful and there could be a strong attraction/attachment on either one of your parts. That's the danger.
My first time was with the proverbial handsome dark stranger with a one night stand. I was 20 and he was in his mid 30's. Although he pursued me I refused to respond b/c we didn't use any birth control and I had to sweat out a couple of weeks until I got my period. I was furious with him (and myself). So birth control is first and foremost. Can I assume he will remain in London while you will return to the states? That's even better. Be sure to keep a diary including our emails.