How Can I Reconnect My Body & My Mind?

Sat, 01/17/2015 - 09:12
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I am 58 years & I was sexually abused and also involved in child pornography by my parents and their siblings & their cousins. To say that I have an issue with my own sexuality is an understatement. I've been in therapy for over 20 years and am just now beginning my second attempt to find out about my own body including my clitoris and my sexual preferences.

I still have difficulty touching myself as I was punished for touching myself. I was continually told by my perpetrators what I liked when I was being abused. I didn't own my body, my perps did. It came to the point when I told myself they can have my body, but not my mind. This caused a total disconnect between mind & body which runs very deeply into my psyche.

I started with a new therapist 6 weeks ago who challenged me to get some "toys" and explore my own body using masturbation and vibrators. My issue is now that I have an internal dialogue repeating diatribes fed to me while my body was being sexually exploited. Do you know of any place I can get help reconnecting my mind to my body?

I've been aware of Betty's work since the late 90s and tried to obtain a copy of her book: Sex for One (How to Make Love to Yourself). I found a copy of a similar book on Amazon, and I'm waiting for it to be delivered.

Dear C,

Congratulations! Finally you have the right therapist. The best healing for abuse issues is to reclaim your body through conscious masturbation. Each and every self-induced orgasm will gradually wear off those old memories. Pleasure is our best healing.

You do not need to wait for the book. Go into the website and begin reading all the sex essays I've created to guide women to sexual pleasure on our own terms. Since you are 58, I recommend getting a good vibrator. The Eroscillator has the correct current for Europe. If you have AC then I recommend the Magic Wand. Also get an organic bottle of a nut or seed oil and use it liberally for all your vulva contact. Simply follow my easy step by step process and let your orgasms win the day. You have many good years of pleasure ahead of you with lots of happy orgasms.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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mind body tools for traua

Sat, 01/17/2015 - 15:21
Natalie Wingfield (not verified)

I'm a licensed professional counselor and yoga instructor specializing in trauma.  You may also want to consider some other mind/body tools such as trauma sensitive yoga, body work, guided imagery or EMDR.  EMDR could be helpful for quieting the negative internal voice you mentioned.  Belleruth Naparstek has a wonderful guided imagery for overcoming trauma and some good books are Invisible Heroes and Yoga for Emotional Trauma (which has a lot of great info on trauma and the body, even if you aren't into yoga).  Best of luck on your journey to healing.  

Beware the therapists and

Thu, 01/22/2015 - 07:44
Jeffrey65802 (not verified)

Beware the therapists and counsellors. We victimize people on both ends in this society, first by making sex dirty and forbidden, and then in treating people who had sex in some way they're not supposed to.

If no one ever told you you were victimized, how would you know you were? If our culture regarded sex as we regard parental hugging and kissing, would we have so many victims? Woudl people be getting traumatized by sexuality? In some cultures, hugging and kissing is considered forbidden (my own Judaism for example forbids it Scripturally, if not in practice but the most ultra-orthodox followers.) Thus there's probably some who feel like they were sexually absued by what to everyone else inthe world is normal loving parents who hug and kiss their chidlren. Whereas in 'mainstream' culture we have the same feeling of sexual affections and declare children whose parents or relatives did that as the victims. But in some cultures, some expressions of sexual behaviours (namely oral stimulation and masturbation) is perfectly normal and unremarkable as in pre-contact Hawaii and the Pacific Islander nations. The thought of someone seeking counselling for their mother, aunt, or babysitter fellating them would be absurd.

Similarly, in our own culture we have a double-standard about sexuality in our's: we'd never think to punish a child for masturbation, up to the point they do it with anyone else. We don't react the same way if two children experiment with sex with each other, yet hit the ceiling if an adult and child are involved. So anyone who isn't conforming to our standard of sexuality is described as a victim, whereas much depends on whose culture you're talking about and what the standard is. What's abuse for one culture may not be for another. And if it can be non-abuse in one culture is it really "abuse" in any culture? Or is how we think about it and react to it where the abuse comes in?

The OP didn't seek abuse until she was 38, and now after being treated as a victim for 20 years is still having problems she credits to her childhood experiences. Was it really those experiences, or being told she's victim for 20 years?