We Have Oral Sex & Intercourse But I Can't Come At All

Wed, 12/17/2014 - 08:57
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I was a virgin until I was 40. Up until then I had been masturbating with an electric toothbrush on my clit and sometimes a vibrator not on in my vagina. I have tried the hand stuff to try to make me orgasm with no luck. The problem I am running into is now that I am in a relationship with a guy (the guy I gave up my virginity to) I can't orgasm with him at all.

We have oral sex and intercourse and I can't cum at all. He has tried fingering also to no avail. We have been together for a year and a half. Just really frustrated right now. He makes me feel amazing I just can't seem to let go.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!

Dear R,

Stop torturing yourself and use a vibrator on your clit while he's fucking you. Even those of us who had partner sex earlier in our lives can rarely orgasm from straight penis/vagina intercourse. At forty I can say we NEVER can ogasm from fucking only. It's not about "letting go" its much more focusing your attention on your clitoral sensations with a secondary sensation of a filled vagina which is nice but NEVER adequate for a late starter like yourself. Let go of those romantic notions of coming from Romeo's penis. Simply use your vibrator while you're having penetration sex.

Where is it written that HE must give you your orgasm?

Tell your lover that the leading authority on female sexuality says we are each responsible for our own orgasms. As for him getting you off does not determine his status as a "good lover." You might suggest sharing masturbation together so he can see that you know your own body and are willing to share orgasms as an equal. Not some helpless sleeping beauty waiting to be awakened.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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