I Think About Engaging in Mutual Masturbation with Another Woman

Tue, 12/30/2014 - 09:16
Submitted by Betty Dodson


I appreciate your straight forward, candid approach of breaking down all these barriers and just putting it out there like it is.

So as I am discovering, I am one of the more rare here. I will be 50 in a few days and just recently discovered the benefits and joys of enjoying myself. I have been married close to 30 years to the same man, only sexual partner, several children and never once had solo sex. Such practices were taboo growing up, it is probably the reason for having to deal with so many issues of low self esteem, poor relationship skills etc.

To cut to the chase. My husband and sexual partner of almost three decades is no longer capable of having sexual relations due to health reasons. Not only is there no more sex, but he has no desire to even help me with my sexual frustrations. For several years I had accepted the notion that my sex life was over :( until one day I decided enough and that it was time to discover myself. Problem was, I brought Into my self pleasuring experiences much guilt from a totally negative past belief system. I am still dealing with it. Guilt from the past, guilt that I am enjoying my body, but my partner can't anymore.

At the time, I seriously am enjoying the experience even though I consider myself totally new to all this....I know, 50 years old! Not only am I really liking this self sex, but I have found it to be liberating, freeing, with no outward expectations....I am almost ashamed to say that it is the best sex that I have ever had....I know, I know those negative instilled ideas in me that I am trying to put off. I finally got the courage to talk to a counselor that I have been seeing for a while now. Thankfully, she was very open to talk about all this and gave me some great advice....more importantly, I finally talked openly about it to another female. It was such a liberating conversation. She's great.

So here are my questions as a newbie at 50. 1) I am finding that I am wanting to self indulge in my new found pleasure at least two times a day. I get aroused very easily. Normal?

Forget normal. Whatever works for you then consider that your normal. Twice a day playing with and enjoying these new sensations makes sense to me.

2) sometimes during self pleasure I think about wanting to engage in mutual masturbation with another female and even though I am totally heterosexual, I find myself thinking about females and desiring them. Only due to the fact that I find females to be caring, understanding, accepting and they know what feels good. No, I don't want a relationship with one. I am committed to my husband. So I guess this is just a fantasy thing for me. At the moment, men aren't turning me on at all. Perhaps since I have always felt so dominated over ????? Normal?

Allow your mind to fantasize any and everything. Fantasy is at the heart of the creative process. Don't censor your erotic thoughts. Simply enjoy them.

And 3) how do I overcome feelings of guilt when it comes to overcoming these very deeply ingrained beliefs? I feel like such a "virgin" with all this and so inexperienced especially when I read about those that have been doing this since childhood.

Help Betty, I need to get theses things sorted out in my thinking so I can move on into this new liberating experience. Thanks!

Dear S,

What a delightful email. CONGRATULATIONS on discovering some to the best sex there is and know that there's more to come. Fifty is so very young you have many joyful years ahead of you. Next on your list will be to discover vuvla massage with an organic oil and playing with sex toys. Keep reading our site for new ideas.

Consistent experiences of self-pleasuring will push out those old beliefs. Every orgasm you embrace will move you deeper into the pleasure you've been denied by our Judeo/Christian sex negative culture. Orgasms are your healing so just enjoy them to your hearts content. You will discover your own limits. Until then just stay with the good feelings and trust your body.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

Me too!

Mon, 01/05/2015 - 17:06

My experience sounds very similar to yours.  At the age of 40, I finally started masturbating, after years of orgasmless sex in marriage, and two kids.  Masturbation is definitely my best sex.  I also fantasize about masturbating with other women, and I would do it if I knew someone that also would be into it.  I did attend a Bodysex Workshop about a year and a half ago with Betty and Carlin, and that was fabulous, but of course only one weekend.  I do enjoy watching Betty's videos of Bodysex and maturbation ("13 Orgasmic Women" is one of my favorites) while I masturbate, because I can imagine I am with friends.  Ironically, I am an introvert, and not someone who opens up easily to others in social settings.  But this is one thing I long to share with others (but not my husband).  I live in the Seattle area.  If you are anywhere close by, I would consider meeting you and striking up a friendship!  Best wishes to you!

Sexual healing

Wed, 01/07/2015 - 10:12
SheDaisy (not verified)

Part of my homework my therapist asked of me was to reach out & communicate with you on this blog , so …  thank you for this post as it is similar to my situation - it’s given me the encouragement to share my story. I am a 54 year old woman in the process of separating from a 30 year covert emotionally abusive, oppressive, stagnate  relationship which included being rejected sexually for too many years. It really messed with my mind/self esteem but with recent, amazing therapy, I now  understand that the shame my husband has attached with sex was his, not mine. My wonderful therapist recently encouraged me to explore my sexuality for which I will forever be grateful for as I have been enjoying THE best sex/orgasms EVER!!!! not to mention a huge increase in self-worth, self-esteem, self-love etc. etc. The beginning of this journey started with a search on the internet where I found Betty & Carlin's wonderful website/blogs. How refreshing to read about self-pleasuring in such an open, normal, natural way. I have learned so much & feel connected vs feeling so isolated all these years. I’ve since purchased my first vibrator ( Yippee!) - which was such a confidence boosting purchase - and Betty’s words of “Orgasms are your healing” are ever so true … for me, it’s not just the immediate pleasure the orgasms gives but it ‘vibrates’ farther out to increasing my self worth, giving myself permission to take charge of MY life. I am very excited to explore my new life ahead. In appreciation, G.

I hear you

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 10:14
Johnjohn (not verified)

Hello S

My I comment from another viewpoint?

I am a 63 year old male, married for 37 wonderful years to a wife who, for some years, has been unable to enjoy sex. She is now a pain-wracked invalid.

Some 4 years ago, a relationship popped out of nowhere. Till that point our relationship was and still is monogamous.

My lover is a lovely asian lady of 50. She is one of those rare utterly literal people. She simply doesn't "get" lying or deceit.

She was adopted and regularly beaten by her new mother. Moved from foster home to foster home, she was constantly beaten. At her school, the nuns beat her too.

P worked for me for two years before we became close. I could tell she was a broken person, and in the appropriate context, tried to help. We became close.

I found out that she got married just to get away from her lethal mother. Her husband was/is a dull, completely asexual man.

They had two kids. Beautiful, now mature, lovely creatures, solely due to P's love and determination.

The point is coming... At least I hope so

As a reasonably experienced man, I had two things. I woman I loved, and who loved me. And a clean white-board. Well, clean-ish!

Over the next two years, we cuddled, loved each other and progressed to our first exciting sexual experience, on the beach:)

Now, this is the woman who had no idea of the existence of her clitoris, nor what it was for. I still remember her blurting out "what's this pink thing sticking out of me?" At around 50 years old...

Apart from a couple of times fooling around on a pillow when she was young, P had never masturbated. And she had zero idea of what an orgasm might be.

Back to the White board...

What I yearned to do was to bring P to the place where she was/is comfortable with her sexuality, with whatever skills I posessed.

Boy it took time, but I was greatly helped by P's "literall-ness". Is that even a word? Don't know...

Fast forward a couple of years.

All bar "the last bit" we're mostly there.

We are generally as horny as goats. We can laugh in bed, fart during wonderful sex, and love each other's fat bits.

P's favorite non-penetrative sexual gig is this:

I lie on my back. She squats astride my hard, well-lubed cock, and goes for it. Let me tell you she grinds her clit on my poor old cock like there's no tomorrow. 3, 4 or maybe 5 very strong, VERY loud orgasms are the results.

Beautiful for me, beautiful for her.

But she cannot tolerate gentle fondling of her clit. Interesting, isn't it? We have hard vaginal sex too, and she has completely different, strong (and of course, loud!) orgasms!

Now, I'm working with P to venture into manual masturbation, to counter the beating she got as a child. But I think we'll get there.

So, what's my point? For me, seeing her get to that stage where she can enjoy love, lust, sex and satisfaction has been wonderful. For her to achieve that via a couple of methods of masturbation has, as a male been spectacular.

Whatever your masturbatory desires, just keep going for it...


Your not the only one

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 11:33
Care2475 (not verified)

I'm a forty year old women with 2 kids. For as long as I can remember I was only able to masturbate one way and that was on my stomach and clenching my legs together. It didn't produce the best orgasm. Plus my husband told me I was weird for having orgasms that way. My husband has never been able to bring me to orgasm. Not even close and sex is very frustrating as he only worries about his own pleasure. I took things into my own hands literally and decided to.try and masturbate in a more traditional way. Simply by stimulating my clitoris and using a vibrator in my vagina. It takes a long time for me to orgasm this way but the results are amazing. I get so so so wet and I've even cum, which is something I've never done in my life. Also it feels amazing. I get an hour or more of pure pleasure. My husband doesnt engage in sex with me because he is on a medication which makes it difficult for him to remain erect, so being able to masturbate to the point of orgasm and coming is life altering. I also wanted to.mention that I to am straight womem and I too have thoughts of women masturbating with them. I think womem understand each others needs etc.  Good luck in your journey.

Completely normal and healthy

Mon, 08/17/2015 - 10:04
Martha (not verified)

 S, I would encourage you to reach out and find a female friend who you are comfortable with and start masturbating together. We now know this to be completely normal and healthy, certainly nothing to be ashamed of these days. You would be surprised how common this practice is. It was a surprise to me..  For me, women I would have never suspected have opened up to me as
[= 21.3976px]intense, avid, masturbators once we get to know each other from such sessions. If you just give yourself a chance and permission, you will join the ranks of so many women who enjoy the support and the strong, plentiful orgasms that flow from these wonderful sessions and a masturbatory lifestyle.[/]
It's so easy, now with the Internet, to seek out and find likeminded people with the same need as you so there should be no excuses. You will find you are doung a great service to other likeminded women who, like you, are too shy but need this so much.  All it ever takes is one try and you will embrace it and be a much masturbator from it.  Your body will thank you forever more as it has me.