A Woman's Erection Needs 20-30 Minutes of Adequate Clitoral Stimulation

Thu, 10/16/2014 - 06:45
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I fully understand that teaching is repetition. So again I repeat: the clitoral body is the primary source of orgasm whether it's stimulated externally, internally, or both at the same time. I prefer both. Once a woman understands she can have both clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration, it ends this discussion.

There is no distinction between "vaginal" or "clitoral" or "G spot" orgasms since all orgasms are centered in the clitoris. It doesn't matter if it's direct clitoral contact or indirect G spot stimulation. Or even the more illusive deep vaginal thrusting that stimulates the base of the spine, now called the "deep spot." That orgasm requires an 8 inch penis or a quality silicone dildo. All you guys with average 5 to 6 inch penises erect are SOL on that one.

Back in the seventies, Master and Johnson's research demonstrated that all orgasms were the result of some form of direct or indirect clitoral stimulation. Kinsey agreed before them as did many ancient cultures. Unfortunately many Americans remain influenced by Freud's ridiculous theory that vaginal orgasms are superior, an idea that took hold during the Victorian age of extreme sexual repression. It's kept alive today by organized religions and what some men prefer: a quick fuck similar to masturbating inside a vagina.

The "G spot" orgasm is also indirect clitoral stimulation. We know the urethral sponge that surrounds the urinary tract fills up with blood and becomes erect after being stimulated with pressure applied to the ceiling of the vagina. Or in some cases, the use of a strong vibrator on or near the clitoris also can result in ejaculation. Most women agree that "squirting" is not the same as having an orgasm, although I'm told it feels very nice especially if it accompanies orgasm.

At first, young and old women were asking me how they could learn to ejaculate. Recently, I've been asked how can I stop gushing during sex with my partner. After searching thousands of website that describe how to female ejaculate, no where could I find information on how to stop female ejaculation. Instead I was advised to get protective mattress covers and more towels are recommended. No where could I find information on stopping this response for those who find the clean up afterwards a drag.

"A vaginal orgasm" is also indirect clitoral stimulation considering the internal structures of the clitoris. The erectile tissue of the legs and bulbs fill up with blood and become erect during vaginal thrusting with an erect penis/dildo/fingers for up to thirty minutes or more. Also to consider is indirect clitoral stimulation when couples bodies press together. Many women discover that getting on top allows her to press her clitoris into her lovers body.

Following all this complicated physical information, we have to include the mental and emotional state of being "in love." Romantic Love has been described by some feminists and philosophers as "temporary insanity." Unfortunately, it's the most popular sexual fantasy for the largest number of girls and women all over the world: "Some day my Prince Charming will come."

What's left out of this conversation is the following information: A woman's erection takes twenty to thirty minutes of adequate clitoral stimulation for her entire vulva to become engorged. The operating word here is "adequate" and will vary from woman to woman.

The point being that few women are even turned on before they get fucked. Most are getting a few minutes of clumsy clit stim, a few licks from a dry tongue or harsh finger banging. The moment there's a small amount of lubrication, many lovers dive into the vagina going for a home run. No wonder sex therapists emphasize foreplay and no wonder faked orgasms far out number real ones. When we discover how few women are having orgasms during intercourse it's obvious to me that fucking is really foreplay for masturbation.

Unfortunately, intercourse rarely if ever lasts long enough to engage the internal clitoris. We forget that for every pre-orgasmic woman there's a premature ejaculating man. This is one of the primary reasons why men don't want to know what women want because it would require them to make an effort to learn "come control" which sounds like another job and he's already overworked.

The other tragedy is that most women don't understand their sexual bodies either due to the absence of childhood masturbation. This is a time when girls and boys get to discover their orgasmic patterns. Even today, women's sex information and education is based on the male model of sexual response: A penis ejaculating inside a vagina. This is also the heterocentric, procreative model that's supported by organized religions, governments and even Mother Nature who wants to further the species. Some days it seems that women can't win for losing.

We now have the horrendous job of sexually educating a world that's under the influence of violence with militant religions and corporations intent on dominating the world. Still, some of us continue to hope that "Mankind" will give peace a chance. Otherwise women will have to take over before we can embrace the Pleasure Principal with Equal Rights and Orgasms for all.

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Insecurity, a tropical paradise, and a beautiful partner

Thu, 11/06/2014 - 09:39

There's a television advertisement currently airing in my area that shows an attractive fortyish British woman lounging about on a tropical beach, looking seductive and rhapsodizing about the life-changing wonders of Viagra. The clear message to men is that this woman and this tropical paradise could be OURS, if only we're smart enough to use this drug and have that all-important erection that will drive women mad. It's too ridiculous for words, but where is the sex education that should be teaching us what nonsense it is?

So in the absence of accurate information, we can't completely blame men (and some women too) for believing the propaganda about PIV sex. Nearly 100% of the sex I've ever seen in films, for example, shows a brief bout of kissing and then right into intercourse, which our culture insists is the default form of 'having sex' even though it's only one among many sexual possibilities. Commercial porn is even worse.

Male insecurity is the natural consequence of being factually misinformed about sex, combined with believing oneself to be fully responsible for someone else's sexual pleasure. (Men are raised to think we're inadequate unless we're experts at everything we do). Yes, there are millions of women who regularly have orgasms from PIV sex, but they're a distinct minority---perhaps 25% according to some sources. I have sympathy for both men and women because I've seen how hurtful it is when we are raised in sexual ignorance and then struggle to understand why lovemaking and intimacy keep presenting us with the same baffling problems connecting with one another in satisfying ways. Adequate sex education would tell us the truth about what techniques really help most people to have orgasms, and we'd be told before we ever have that first relationship. We would learn about effective sexual techniques and typical response patterns for both men and women, we'd learn of the importance and benefits of masturbation, and we'd learn that there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to have an orgasm and that we're all responsible for our own. (It's wonderful to have a skilled partner to help us along, however!)

The thing for men to get through their heads is that realizing that our partner's satisfaction is not dependent on us or our erections is tremendously freeing. There's no need any longer for all that anxiety about how big or how firm or how long-lasting our erection may be. Instead, there's a vast smorgasbord of enjoyable mutual sex awaiting anyone who takes the time to learn about it. But in order to learn about it, we first have to realize that we have something to learn. That's why it's best to get the truth about sex out to kids as soon as they're able to absorb and understand it. We'd be so much happier in our adult relationships if we did.

Yes but...

Thu, 11/06/2014 - 14:47


I agree with all that you've written but...

Most of the people reading through this site will come across opinion posts by Betty, Carlin etc that we disagree with but no one can reasonably argue about the basic facts.

So don't you think it's just a bit weird that when Betty writes a factual post containing really basic information about how a woman's orgasm works and barely mentioning men, she gets a whole load of comments from men telling her that the facts just can't be true.

Aside from outright trolls, there are the men who claim she's wrong because their partners are orgasming fine on next to no foreplay (contented, Anonymous143..., john dae).

If I were them, my first thought would be to sit down with my partner and check that they're not actually faking orgasms for a quiet life. Assuming they're in the very, very small minority who orgasm from PIV sex with as little foreplay as these men claim, I'd re-read betty's post with a view to improving the quality of orgasms we could share or increasing the variety of orgasms.

What I wouldn't do is feel a need to write into the website accusing Betty of being a "fembot", of making "jabs at men" or "male bashing" of seeming to "hate men"

And it's the last one that I find most odd. Anyone looking through this website, especially if they check out her artwork, would know that Betty is a woman who loves men, who really appreciates the male dynamic and physical form.

The trolling exposes a level of insecurity that's quite worrying, especially for their partners.

Replacing insecurity with sexual literacy

Thu, 11/06/2014 - 17:08


And I basically agree with what you wrote. When men are as insecure as some of those in this thread seem to be (assuming they're sincere), they may feel so threatened that they lash out with angry accusations or protestations that their partners aren't like most women. Having been raised as a male in Western culture, I can tell you that the need to appear in control and 'competent' at all times is implanted very early in boys. It can threaten one's entire world-view to have what we thought we knew appear to be nothing but a house of cards. We shouldn't underestimate the pain of having a lifelong illusion burst like a bubble. To which a realist would still have to say, that's certainly unfortunate and perhaps it wasn't your fault that you got the wrong impression about female sexuality, but how about getting with reality and finishing the process of growing up?

I love and respect Dr Betty very much, but I'd also say that some of what she writes has a certain edginess that, shall we say, wouldn't necessarily sound positive to the average man. If I'd never seen her work before, I might conclude from this particular post that it's her opinion that most men give clumsy (her word), perfunctory foreplay with little interest in their partner's enjoyment, and with their main goal being to dispense with the formalities as quickly as possible and selfishly get their penis into the vagina. This is certainly true of some percentage of men, but it's also a serious overgeneralization and it doesn't exactly sound 'positive'. I think that most of us want very much to please our lovers. It's just that no one has ever shown us the way. We might also sincerely believe that our partners are happy with limited foreplay and a quick shag, because our partners have been afraid to tell us the truth.

It's curious that in contemporary sexology there's a clear ongoing effort to minimize the importance of the penis to women, while simultaneously insisting that it's still possible for a man to 'ejaculate prematurely' and that men really ought to develop 'come control' (basically, resisting their natural arousal patterns in an attempt to be in sync with the female model of sexual response). Even Dr Betty urges this. I think what's basically being said here is that if intercourse is going to work at all for most women who have an average-sized partner, it's going to have to be preceded by sufficient foreplay, be of sufficient duration, and include adequate clitoral stimulation to result in the woman's orgasm---and this isn't the way it usually goes. I believe this is all true, but I don't agree with her implication that the burden should always be on men to modify their arousal pattern. 'Control' can be a useful skill at times to extend duration when we know our partner is enjoying penetration, but in general, people should have orgasms when their bodies are ready to have them, and many men can have more than one. What's important is to be as sensitive to our partner's experiences as we are to our own, so that if we have an orgasm and we know our partner hasn't, we keep the stimulation going so that everyone ends up happy.

To me, most of what Betty wrote seems fact-based and pretty non-controversial. I'd agree with her about our general sexual ignorance, which is culturally imposed, but I believe that most of us have very good intentions when we get into a relationship---we just lack the foundation for seeing those intentions through to a successful ongoing partnership. And while 'romantic love' has been mythologized, love itself is very real. It means wishing the best for the person we care about, doing what we can to make their lives happier and more fulfilling---and that's no myth.

Still Riled Up

Thu, 11/06/2014 - 21:59

Patrick R, man we gotta love ya ther way you swoop in and help, me in particular to calm down when I get so riled up...I want to shoot every living thing with a penis! I think you single handedly redeem my faith in the male gender like every six months or so to beleive that not all guys are bad. Being the rarity that you are my friend, we sure do appreciate you and your sound words of wisdom for ballast.

But those guys really pissed me off the way they disrespected Betty! If they had ANY idea of the sort of respect she should command by the sheer blood, sweat and tears that woman has put into her vast body of work and research, those assholes would have realized that the benefit of her labors, and dedication of her life's achievements was to create SEXUAL EMANCIPATION FOR BOTH SEXES.

As you point out Patrick R, that men are also being deluded on a daily basis by silly adds, the pharmaceutical companies, and charlatans hawking their penis pumps, porno industry, Hollywood and tv quickie sex, and all those male generated websites creating more vagina "spots" for the peins to keep PIV alive and well for those men to follow, and WHO knows what happens to Cialis pill takers when they find out they have the side effect of having a four hour hard-on to deal with, I often wonder what happens to those guys *grin* By the way those anonymous visitors bragged, I suspect if it happened to THEM, they are going to go out and try to service the whole neighborhood of women with PIV orgasms for all I am sure.

I mean really...those idiots come here like a couple of cowards hitting and running, dump some horseshit, flying off the handle and being disrespectful to a TITAN in the sexual research world, and have the gall doing this when coming from a place of SHEER IGNORANCE. I feel so sorry for the women that are sleeping with them. I do not care if they were born and bred to be problem solvers or what culture conditioned them to be in control, you do not slove problems by making terse comments and disrespecting another person by name calling and making idiotic assumptions about sex like you are an expert because you have a penis and are self satisfied. They exposed themselves to be quite the opposite. I would guarantee you that one jerk, just as Betty guessed because we know the programming......30 minutes of PIV and alleged orgasms galore EVERY TIME. It just ain't happenin' folks. On a good day, women who can get off that way clalim it is usually thier 2 to 3 times to thier guys 6 times, so right there it is bad odds using even their model.

Oh well, at least I got of my rant off tonight. I suspect my Sicilian blood will not calm down yet for a few more days. Thank goodness Betty is so thick skinned and cool about this sort of thing. Me...I want to slaughter them all...oh, except Patrick R of course....you are a keeper! :)
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Thanks ORS

Fri, 11/07/2014 - 02:06

Thank you very much, ORS, I always enjoy it when we bounce our ideas and opinions off one another. There are lots of good guys out there, seriously, but our screwy culture likes to reward the nasty, arrogant ones the most. Did you read about that study a few months ago, where they figured out the professions with the highest and lowest percentages of sociopaths? Leading the world in sociopaths: Corporate CEOs. You can guess how they got to the top of the heap, and it wasn't by being nice. They might or might not be good in bed, but if they're not, you can bet they think they are.

If only we had the kind of comprehensive sex education we ought to have in all our schools and homes, the happiness quotient in society would shoot up dramatically. All the Viagra-type drugs and 'size enhancers' for men you mention just reinforce the myth that erections must be super-important. I'm not knocking erections or intercourse per se, because erections make male orgasms a lot easier and many couples do enjoy making intercourse a part of their lovemaking, whether it's how they have most of their orgasms or not. It's just the misinformation that's the cause of so much trouble. By the way, one of D&R's bloggers is a well-known male porn star (retired now, I think) who had been in the business since he was 19. Erectile drugs are apparently consumed like candy in the porn biz, because the men are required to have constant hard-ons while having sex with women they don't know and may not even be attracted to. He found himself in the ER one day with painful priapism, and had to have a doctor drain blood from his penis. If I remember correctly, he was told he was ruining his health and might end up permanently unable to get an erection, and he quit the business and eventually met a woman he cared about. (There are even worse side effects of these drugs, like blindness). Regarding Dr Betty, I may disagree with her sometimes, but I will always respect her as a true pioneer and original who wants to make the world a better sexual place for ALL of us.

I hope you have a great week-end, ORS, and do something really nice for yourself!


Sat, 11/08/2014 - 14:25
anonirama (not verified)

 isn't wanting a girl to have an orgasm just from penetration like wanting guys just to have an orgasm from direct prostate stimulation ?. That simple! no?
How would you guys feel if the anal penetration was treated as your main source of pleasure?
So don't neglect the CLIT!!! or we may start to neglect penises no matter how big, hard, strong, fleshy and flashy they are.
So even if it is indirect stimulation through PIV.....

Excelent point!

Amy Rene's picture
Mon, 11/17/2014 - 15:51
Amy Rene

I have often found that if I am not mentaliy stimulated by the THOUGHT of someone I will rarely reach orgasm. My husband works for me because he has figured out how to foreplay mentally with me. Most of my fetishes have to do with being in a specific mental state before and during sex, wether it be vaginal, anal or oral.

orgasms easy practice makes perfect

Sun, 11/23/2014 - 07:27
milev (not verified)

Married for 35 years and just turned 60
I  have sex almost daily and we make time for sex and over many years have perfected the art of orgasm and you dont need a large penis -average is good as long as he knows where to stimulate and tequnique
I have been with one man over the years and both have kept our bodies fit and lean and we know exactly when to push our buttons
I orgasm at least twice in a session
I orgasm best by lying on top and in a circular motion grind against my partner but i can orgasm in various positions
I have never faked an orgasm and find that comment sad for people that do this
The moral of the story is get to know your partner well and keep the fire burning by keeping yourself attractive and hot.
Having multiple sexual partners does not teach you the art of orgasm via intercourse--there lies the problem for many women
And no you do NOT need 20-30 minutes of clitoral stimulation --that is sheer nonsense
Most men do not last that long.If you are turned on you can orgasm very quickly

"All orgasms are clitoral"

Thu, 11/27/2014 - 08:46
Jeffrey65802 (not verified)

What about anal pleasuring of a woman? What about that woman in one of the HBO sex docs who can orgasm in under 15 seconds through breathing (and not manual stimulation?) Are these indirectly stimulating their clitoris, or is orgasm reached through other means? ...Or did they not have an actual orgasm (as defined presumedly through the various muscular contractions during.)

Thank you for this article!

Mon, 12/22/2014 - 02:02
totoro (not verified)

I have been masturbating for many years, and I've never had what I would call a big orgasm. Today I tried and tried to come, but couldn't for about 30 minutes. Then I had what I would call my very first big one. I thought, "Sheesh! That was a lot of work for an orgasm." Then I found this article. Thank you thank you thank you Betty! I had no idea that it took so long to become fully aroused. No wonder I only had small little ones, because I thought that was it and then gave up! I'm 44 years old, and I think my great orgasms will finally be starting. I share the sentiments of many others who wonder, "Why in the heck did we not find this out before now?" Thank you for all your work!

Right on.

Tue, 12/30/2014 - 12:31
Sonja (not verified)

Right on.

Yolanda, your not alone. I

Tue, 12/30/2014 - 12:40
Sonja (not verified)

Yolanda, your not alone. I think all of our bodies are different with different sensibilities. There is nothing wrong with us. I think with the right conditions, and there are so many, it's could someday happen but I'm not counting on it. I'm just grateful I can have an orgasm at all and don't need anyone but my trusty vibrator.

That is 20-30 mins for full

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 09:30
Anonymous219 (not verified)

That is 20-30 mins for full erection, but how long to orgasm?
And the stimulation can be indirect through the whole vulva; inner, outer lips, vagina, anus or direct through the clit which is the falus and the easiest way to reach orgasm? Can there be orgasm with 20-30 mins of piv only with no direct clit stim or previous erection?

PIV represents less-than-adequate stimulation for her to orgasm

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 11:35
Lizzie Smith (not verified)

Dear Anonymous219, you phrase three important questions concerning adequate stimulation for a woman, to which I would like to attempt to answer.
You ask: ..."20-30 mins for full erection, but how long to orgasm?"
Scientific sexology says a woman, on the average, needs about 4 minutes in order to orgasm through private masturbation. I have always wondered who constitute this group of average women, since, 4 minutes signifies she is rushing it. Why to hurry? A woman gets more out of it by giving herself at least the documented 15-30 minutes of leisurely arousal. 
It is worth reminding oneself that only a fraction of women can orgasm in partnersex regardless of the length of time she gets adequate clitoral stimulation.
We can consider 30 minutes of adequate clitoral stimulation only the very first prerequisite for her to orgasm. Although this initial condition is met, it does not guarantee she can orgasm with a partner.
A very common additional requirement for a woman to orgasm is total privacy. This is very different from how men orgasm and therefore quite a paradoxical fact when thinking of partnersex as a shared sexual experience. Total privacy just does not seem to fit in the picture. Obviously some adjusting and mutual consultation needs to take place between the partners in order to share orgasms for two instead of only one. 
You ask "...Can the stimulation (hopefully leading to her orgasm) be either indirect via the whole vulva, or, direct through the clitoris?
I would say, adequate clitoris stimulation cannot be superseded (replaced) by stimulation of the whole vulva or other body areas, or exclusively the mind. A woman stimulating herself in order to have an orgasm is here very much like a man preparing to climax. The primary sex organ needs to be given stimulation adequately, uninterruptedly up until the point of orgasm.
In sexology, nevertheless, there seems to be a lot of persistent legends of women being able to orgasm through other body parts than their primary, preferred, actual sexual organ, the clitoris. Again, we do not have a similar quantity of stories of men orgasming without touching their primary sex organ, penis. Why is this? Since everyone 'just knows' it's the penis that needs to be stimulated, not the testicles.
I hope the legends will subside and we start to accept self-evidently the same applies to women.
So, your third question, Anonymous219: "Can there be orgasm with 20-30 mins of piv only with no direct clit stim or previous erection?"
No, there most likely can't, irrespectively of clit stim or her erection. The piv being in the equation the probability of her orgasm would be small.
The penis-in-vagina for her means the same as inadequate stimulation for her to orgasm. 
If she has at the beginning of the session had 30 mins of direct clit stim, great arousal and a promising erection, she very likely is going to lose the erection when piv starts, since, piv represents a form of less-than-adequate stimulation. What sometimes works is she privately orgasming immediately preceding partnersex session.
Hope this was of some assistance. 
Yours, L.S.

OMG this is the funniest male pick up video EVER

Thu, 01/08/2015 - 17:06


If you can get through the first five minutes of this A-holes video wilthout wanting to kill...and they wonder why women are turning on their vibrators and turning off to men when they are plotting away like THIS? 

OMG  thank goodness I can live alone................

Fast orgasms

Sat, 03/14/2015 - 03:35
JohnjohnJohn (not verified)

My gorgeous girl had no clue what an orgasm was, nor what her clitoris was and certainly not its function, until around 6 months after we became close. A savagely brutal mother and a loveless marriage had done the job. She was 47.

Fast forward 3 years, and she's become the most easily aroused woman I've ever known. When alone, she'll jump her pillow and reach a quick orgasm in under a minute! Give it maybe five minutes and she'll crash out a series of monster, noisy orgasms. You could hack off her arm when she's in the zone and she wouldn't notice!

And no she isn't faking. As the most literal person I have known, she just doesn't "get" deceit of any kind. She "doesn't see the point in faking"

Interestingly, she can't bear to have her clitoris touched manually, courtesy of her mother and the nuns.

Love her to bits...

Anyone else has a ticklish clit?

Sun, 04/12/2015 - 14:36
Jdmoore (not verified)

The outside part of the clit never helps me reach orgasm because it is super ticklish and just makes me squirm. The only way I reach orgasm is being rubbed at the top part of the lips where it is flat. I have never reached orgasm by penetration inside or by rubbing my clit. Am I the only one with the same issue?

More so the strength of the

Sun, 04/12/2015 - 17:46
Art Noble (not verified)

More so the strength of the woman's bulbospongiosus muscle.  (Look it up!)


Sun, 04/12/2015 - 17:52
Art Noble (not verified)

The only "fact" is all women are different!  I have observed a woman's orgasmic experience with breast massage, foot massage, and a kiss.  No clitoral involvement at all!  I would also submit the orgasmic experience is although similar, unique to each woman and may vary from time to time.  Yes, clitoral stimulation is usually important and orgasmically productive.  However, there are no biological absolutes!

I can see where we get the

Sun, 04/12/2015 - 18:26
Gerald (not verified)

I can see where we get the "man bashing"  comments,  but it's mostly in the wording and the frustration behind it.  That being said, however,  it's kinda valid.   Lots of guys don't really care beyond having a place to download. Nor do they care , or know how to do it right. But half of the reason for this lies with you ladies. And a good portion that is sociological.  There are some of us that love nothing better than to see and feel a woman in extasy and will stay down till begged to come up.   But if the guy  doesn't know how, it's your responsibility to show him.  I'm always up for pointers to add to my bag of tricks.  And if it's obvious that he doesn't care, drop it like it's hot!  But if you continue to select the good looks, cocky attitude and resources,  you have to realize that these are indicators of  personality traits that are in direct opposition to what you want sexually. Generally speaking, pretty people exist in a different world.   The focus of other peoples attention is on them. As is initial opinion, praise and desire. They are likely to jump on that bandwagon and focus inward and be narcisistic.  Not really conducive to your pleasure. Cockiness boils down to arrogance. Resources might also indicate drive for self.  And none of these traits really suggest empathy.  Maybe you're selecting by the wrong parameters. Find what traits support the likelihood of your needs being cared about, and build upon that.  Communication is the key.  Let's not forget that. Don't fail to learn lifes lessons.  Men and women both, let go of your low  opinions and unreasonable expectations of each other.  Choose wisely and don't beat a dead horse.  Figure out what you really want. And if you're going to focus on the material, you're not likely to get the spiritual.   Just sayin...

"deep spot"

Tue, 04/28/2015 - 11:23

Betty, I'm not sure what you mean by "deep spot".  As far as the "G" spot goes, my wife's is about 2-3" in on the upper wall of her vagina and my 5 1/2" penis gets it every time.  She cums like crazy with lots of juice.

Sensitive parts in a woman's body

Thu, 04/30/2015 - 09:58

I was shown , quite explicitly, how to give my partner an orgasm,after we had been together for six months. She wanted my penis to rub the lower end of her womb which meant that I needed to stay erect for at least ten or fifteen minutes without withdrawing or thrusting. Like rubbing noses, she said, only deeper than our usual fucking. She sometimes helped bring on her orgasm by fingering her clitoris the same time. Entering her vagina from the back also brought her on. We usually engaged with kissing, cunilingus, and finger caressing as warming foreplay. Writing this and remembering our time together over forty years ago still engages (engorges?) me. She gave me the best of gifts and, although she has been gone thirty five years, Her gift keeps giving.

solution to weak erection

Fri, 05/22/2015 - 16:31
scortmark (not verified)

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Your article was wonderful,

Fri, 10/23/2015 - 05:11
Anonymous1 (not verified)

Your article was wonderful, but I have to disagree with this comment... the "sexual fantasies" discussed in social situations are not the result of what men actually want but rather pressure from the patriarchy - men are constantly told that turning down sex is a stupid thing to do, and that sex should be like porn. You make the same mistake when describing the ultimate female fantasy - I know the "Prince Charming" idea exists, but is it really so simple? What evidence do you have apart from anecdotes and Disney that this is really what women want? I think the ultimate fantasy for men and women would be very similar if you were to strip away the social conditioning.

Hard to reach an orgasm

Sat, 10/24/2015 - 08:42
Natasha Lis (not verified)

Are you able to orgasm on your own? If not, I recommend starting here. Figure out what YOU enjoy, how do you like to be touched, and delve into your deepest fantasies.

Once you have this figured out, then you can communicate this with your partner and try to teach your partner how to pleasure you.

My best piece of advice though...RELAX!!! Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. Enjoy the moment. Don't just think about the orgasm...it will come once you forget about it. Best of luck!

Check out my site if you're looking for anything to help!

Orgasms, I have to have one on a daily basis.

Wed, 10/28/2015 - 03:24
Hard2Satisfy (not verified)

I've read all these posts,and right now I am so turned on I'm not to go rub one out. However I feel the need to make it my business to have an orgasm daily. One, it helps me to relive my stress, two it puts me to sleep, and three it just feels so dammmmm good.  Being a lesbian we can pick an choose which size we like. ..some days I want 10 inches rough and hard! !! Some days 7/8. If I want both clitorial and vaginal orgasm, I use my bullet while fucking myself hard with my dildo. Oh and I love to have mental and non physical Orgasms they lays the longest!  

Why on earth would any woman

Wed, 10/28/2015 - 10:44
Educated, we cum. (not verified)

Why on earth would any woman or man fake an orgasm? I never have and I never will. In my experience, most men really want to please. If my sexuality or communication is shut down to such a degree that I feel the need to "fake" an orgasm, who is winning exactly? All that does is set you up for repeated less-than-satisfactory sexual experiences in the future. Your partner, in an effort to achieve the same "success" as before, will repeat said motions that brought you to "orgasm" the last time. To me, women should rely less on men "getting them there" and more on taking control of their own orgasm. Be courageous and patiently educate him. Show him, tell him what you like. Take the time to learn your own body enough that you can share it properly with someone else. No one needs a "pity" orgasm expressed just to get it over with. If you're not sexually compatible, then be brave and move on. But for the sake of excellent cumming, stop this horrible act of misinformation by faking orgasms and then blaming it on your partner. If you're not cumming, that's on you. If you let him in before you're ready, that's on you. Quit complaining and being fake and take the reins and EDUCATE. Boom.


Thu, 11/12/2015 - 14:55
crinklefry (not verified)

dude- it took me less than five minutes of googling to verify that MEDICALLY SPEAKING what Dr. Betty is saying is true.  And - sounds to me like your wife really does love you if she wants you to feel that good about your sexual prowess that she would lie to you.  Not saying she doesn't have orgasms - but I do not believe for a second that she gets there "with a few minutes of clitoral stimulation".  

Hot on the trigger lol

Fri, 11/13/2015 - 00:22
Sarah Rochelle (not verified)

I believe this article was directed more so to mean that are with the average woman, as more than half of sexually active women do NOT just orgasm with vaginal penetration. And don't take it so personal! A woman's ability to orgasm, whichever route necessary, doesn't reflect her partners performance!

Every clitoris/vagina is different and will either occasionally or often require more directed efforts to achieve orgasm!

I hope that helps!

P.s your girl is lucky because I could NEVER finish that fast, and often don't.

Your Happiness is Your Responsibility

Fri, 11/13/2015 - 12:54
DigitalDave (not verified)

"Few women are even turned on before they get fucked" is telling. Men do all the fucking in this description, implying men are responsible for their partners orgasm as well as their own. When women take responsibility for their own orgasm and take an active role in sex it then becomes impossible for them to "get fucked" on any level. Women portrayed as victims of bad sex perpetrated by ignorant men serves no one. When women do their own fucking and stop expecting someone else to do it to them, everyone benefits.