Thank You for Inspiring Me to Give My Daughter a Sex Positive Education

Thu, 10/23/2014 - 07:48
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I had to think of you last week. My daughter, who'll be 4 in January, was sick with high fever. She was lying in bed, at times "reading" books, at times sleeping. I was lying next to her and reading. Suddenly she lifted the cover and said smiling: "Look mum, I'm playing with my little vulva." I said: "I see". I was amazed by how she had perfectly figured out the technique by herself (why shouldn't she, I suppose). It made me feel happy and proud.

I'm just worried because she seems to have her hand in her underwear most of the day, no matter where. I wouldn't like her to get any comments from teachers or from other children at school. So I said: "But remember that we only do that at home. Not at school, not in the subway, not at someone else's place. Other people can be put off by watching you do it. I play with my vulva too, everybody does, but they only do it when they're on their own".

She replied: "So can I do it in front of you and Dad?" I said: "Yes, we don't mind". I can't ask her otherwise because she's never on her own at her age.

I just wanted to thank you for inspiring me to give my daughter a sex positive education. I'm still struggling to heal my sexuality from the catholic education I got. I want her to have a healthy sexuality from the start.

Yours,

C

Thanks for sending me this happy email. You handled it perfectly. I can only hope more mothers will be as sex positive as you for then we would have a world of happy and powerful women who will raise more sex positive girls and boys.

That's what will change the world with more Happy O's .

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Awesome

Thu, 10/23/2014 - 10:38
Rachel (not verified)

Yes!

I was just wondering how I could be sex positive with my child, since it'll come up eventually. I'm glad to see it's simple as can be.  

Sex Safe as well as Sex Positive

Thu, 10/23/2014 - 21:47
Anonymous123 (not verified)

While being sex positive, I think we should also be sex safe. I would be asking questions of her, without frightening her or  yourself, while making sure you also talk with her about no one else touching her little vulva. I always taught my children that their private parts were theirs, and no one else should touch them, but let them know they were free to touch themselves. But, I would be a little concerned and maybe ask some questions. 

This well illustrates the

Thu, 10/30/2014 - 17:39

This well illustrates the issue with earlier sexual education: Appropriateness. :) How do we teach very young children how normal and wonderful and good masturbation is if we then have to tell them, "Don't do that at school or with your friends." Even children pick up on mixed messages. And until they're older they wont get it. "Just because something's ok at home doesn't mean it's ok everywhere." is a more advanced concept.

At 3 it's not a major to-do even if she does it out n about. Her head could spin around like in the Exorcist and onlookers would only think it's cute. :) As she gets older though it's gonna come up again. You need to impart the appropriateness of things while trying to not give her a complex about it as with scolding or slapping her hand if she's doing it. "Wait until we're home/in the car/etc." Is a thought that occurs.

A bigger concern though is going to be the legal aspect. Kids have been removed from homes that are 'too okay' with sexuality. Remember one instance where a father had his daughter on his lap at a school function, people all around him, and his hand rested too close to between her legs that an onlooker reported him fro sexual abuse. And the way that goes, the ivnestigators usually assume it's true and remove the child even if they can't prove anything criminal occured - better safe than sorry. So I can imagine a young child discovered at school pleasuring themselves and telling the adult "Mom and Dad let me do it home, and right in front of them!" That isn't going to go well.

These are the kinds of things we need to figure out and get the laws changed to allow for the normalcy of sexuality instead of always assuming the very when kids are discovered being normal sexually curious kids.

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