I have been following your site for many years now. I have a question for you.
I have been dating a guy for a little over six months. He and I have regular (and regularly good) sex. The only 'not so great' part about it is his unwillingness to initiate anything or take any form of a dominant position (literally or figuratively). Part of me appreciates the complete swap in gender roles, but there is the other part of me that would welcome a more equal approach to sex.
I am open to just about anything and I find that my always being on top, dominate, etc limits our sex greatly and doesn't include my enjoyment of highly dominate men (some of the time).
I have tried to talk to him about it (met with some conversation, but not really to any change in bed). It seems that he gets massive performance anxiety and just cannot have sex when the female isn't in control. I try to make him feel comfortable, and let him know that I am really up for anything and wont be judgmental if it doesn't go that well.
He and I have discussed open relationships at some point, which may allow me to be in the less-dominate positions that he does not seem to like, but I cannot even bring myself to allow any form of an open relationship until we can really (and I mean really) discuss our sex life in a real way. I'm also not sure that I like the idea of our sex life being 99.9% what he is interested in.
Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do to bring him out of this shell? Move forward to make him feel more comfortable with dominate positions or at least see that there are two of us in bed and I have things that I am into as well.
Thanks a bunch,
You have a very controlling bottom which is my least favorite dynamic in sex. They are passive/aggressive often to the extreme. You may be "on top" during fucking, but he's controlling your entire sexual relationship by always getting what HE wants. Since this relationship is only 6 months old, what have you really got to lose if you date other men whenever you want to? Why wait until you can change a sexual dynamic that's already been established by a man who has no desire to change?
My advice? When sex is good it only gets better. When its problematic it usually gets worse. If you cannot accept him just the way he is, I would move along. Life is too short to spend a large part of it trying to unsuccessfully change another person. While it's true we can change ourselves, please note he is not asking any questions about how to make you happier in bed. you have some big decisions to make so please put yourself first.