I Regret Having Labiaplasty

Mon, 09/08/2014 - 08:05
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dr Betty,

I am writing to you today wishing I saw your website three weeks ago. I had the most beautiful vagina it was gorgeous and my boyfriend of six years loved it as well. I always had intense orgasms especially from oral sex. One thing i always was curious about was why my labia were so long when my friend Amy were barely there. I asked my mother and she said hers were very small and didn't stick out of her outer lips like mine did. She said to talk to my gynecologist cause she didn't think that was normal.

So i got to my gynecologist for a general exam and i decided to not even ask her about my lips but then my mom brought it up so i felt like i had to address my concern. My doctor. a mature older woman looked at my lips and called them abnormal. All my insecurities got even greater cause there i was a young girl having a trained gynecologist tell me i had abnormal lips. So i set up an appointment for labiaplasty.

My surgeon said kids do it all the time, standard surgery, no big deal. She never told me any side effects, said it would not effect my sex at all. So I said if it doesn't effect my sex to have my lips cut off why not do it since they are abnormally long.

So there i go day of my surgery ready to cut off my beautiful labia and something inside me was saying don't do this I asked my mom if I should do this and she said yes, so I did it. I immediately regretted it, as soon as I woke up in the hospital I cried about what I had done. I told my surgeon how upset i was that I did this and she said "Yes i could tell before the surgery you seemed unsure." So why the hell did she go through with it? Why couldn't she tell me to wait? I'm only twenty. I had my whole life to make this choice. I never have regretted anything more than this and I am being hospitalized to figure out how to cope with my depression over this when I had a nearly perfect life before this happened.

My boyfriend was planning on marrying me but i can't see that happening now with what I've done to my beautiful vagina its a train wreck now she didn't spare anything of my labia… totally gone. I went from having long pink symmetrical perfect labia highly sensitive to none!. My surgeon told me it wouldn't effect my sex life and i believed her cause she was a trained surgeon and i was clueless. i tried masterbating recently and yes i was able to orgasm but it was no where close to how good it used to be…and i used to cum multiple times with my boyfriend during oral sex but how can he perform oral sex if I have no more lips? i feel like scum and i won't even let him marry me anymore after what I've done to myself.

Please help. Tell me honestly what are my chances of experiencing orgasms like i used to when i had my lips..now that they are gone will my orgasms never be as powerful? Please I'm begging you to talk with me maybe i can meet you or talk over the phone. i feel no passion for life anymore and i will hate myself forever for cutting off my beautiful labia please please help me try to come to terms with it and educate me.

Dear A,

First off: You must forgive yourself! And also your mother as she didn't know any better either. But the surgeon, well I don't condemn her but you must write her a letter to inform her of your emotional breakdown so she will know how you've experienced the outcome of this unnecessary surgery. For now, the most valuable information I can offer is DO NOT agree to take any anti-depressant meds. If they have you on one, the sooner you stop, the better. Anti-depressants can and do interfere with a woman's ability to orgasm.

Besides forgiving yourself, I recommend you chose a Mantra, some sentence that you say every day repeatedly. It's also called an affirmation. Think about what words you prefer. Examples are: "My sexual pleasures will grow more passionate every day." Or, "I love my body and vulva more every day." Find the words that best express how you want to be. "I am perfect just the way I am. I love an approve of myself."

When I struggled with hip pain for years, I eventually had hip replacement surgery which works perfectly 20 years later. My affirmation was, "I move forward in life with ease and joy at every age."

A woman healer by the name of Louise Hay has a small book titled "Heal Your Body: The mental causes for physical illness and the metaphysical way to overcome them." I constantly check this little book for inspiration. Under Genitals she says they represent the feminine and masculine principles. The problems stem from worry about not being good enough. Her suggested affirmation:"I am perfect just as I am. I love and approve of myself."

So every time a negative feeling or thought comes up, just repeat the healing sentence you chose several times until the negative thought goes away. C'mon girl. you can do this. I'm rooting for you

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Love Yourself

Mon, 09/08/2014 - 09:20
Jenn Muncy (not verified)

Dearest A,
My heart is with you.  Regret and hatred towards yourself is the biggest culprit in your diminished orgasms.  I agree with Betty: please avoid antidepressants.  They kill orgasms.  I have been off Prozac for months and am finally getting mine back.
Tell yourself every day that your vulva is beautiful.  I know you regret your decision, but it cannot be taken back.  You must find a way to feel beautiful now.  Many women have less prominent labia minora.  Mine are really prominent and darker than the rest of the tissue of my vulva, and I used to be embarrassed by this.  I have found a way to accept that there is nothing wrong with the way my vulva looks.  There is beauty in every different type. 
Once you find a way to accept your new look, you may notice your orgasms coming back as powerful as they were before.  Our mental state can really mess with this.
Much love darling ♥

Survivor

Mon, 09/08/2014 - 11:52
NorthLondonHousewife

Dear A,

When I had children, I had a labial tear that totally "spoiled" the symmetry I'd enjoyed before. It took some time for me to come to realise that my vulva, like the rest of my body, is more not less beautiful for having lived a life, made mistakes and survived. Your vulva, labia et al, will continue to change and develop as you age. This is not the end of the story, just the first chapter.

Your labiaplasty need not define you physically or emotionally going forward.

You regret the surgery and need to allow yourself to grieve. It's okay to feel sad, and angry and a whole load of emotions at what has been done to you. It isn't fair and it isn't right.

But you also need to see yourself as a survivor. This is not going to define you. You are a bigger and stronger person than you realise.

Labia come in all sorts of sizes, all sorts of shapes and colours.Take a look through some of Betty's artwork. Vulvas are amazing in their diversity and whilst yours has changed, it remains beautiful if you can learn to enjoy it. I was born with small neat labia and have always enjoyed them. You can too.

Thankfully most of us are orgasmic thanks to the clitoris which remains untouched by your surgery. It took time for me to feel sexual again after my pregnancies, partly physical (and you've just had surgery so allow yourself some time to recover) and also partly mentally just needing to adjust to my new body. You can do this. You can learn to enjoy your body once again.

PS Your boyfriend really isn't going to worry about the "look" of your labia. If he's worth having, he's worried about you and just wants you to feel good about yourself.

the fact that no one changed

Mon, 09/08/2014 - 19:57
lsjb (not verified)

the fact that no one changed your precious clit is the main reason to rejoice.
That is the your primary organ of pleasure --not your labia.
I am so sorry that you went thru this but your orgasms will be fine and so will your relationship. You are whole, you are well, you are still a beautiful woman.

reply

Fri, 10/17/2014 - 05:56
Alex Clemson (not verified)

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words they mean a lot to me. I'm still in a mental hospital trying to accept what I have done to my untouched body. It just meant a lot to me because I love and respect nature and this kind of procedure went against every thing I believe in. I was beautiful before but I let my mom and doctor into my head. Still I should have known better. I am taking it one day at a time trying to grow from this and accept my body again but unfortunatly my shame will be something I have to live with forever. Full juicy lips are a blessing and totally rock. I cut mine off? It will be something I will forever regret and I will forever miss them. 

ps. if any other girls want to know about how the operation was and about recovery you can ask me but i am also going to try to talk you out of it for heads up 

our instict never rejects us..we reject our instict..

Fri, 05/22/2015 - 14:42
Medusa (not verified)

Dearest A.
I usually speak bluntly and I want to tell you a few things bluntly. You have a RIGHT to your anger and a RIGHT to your regret because they are BOTH simply RIGHTEOUS..
Your mother should have searched for more information regarding your issue or discuss with a therapist or specialist before she discouraged you and ruined your happiness. That butcher gyno on the other hand, was clueless and oblivious and most likely a classic puppet of the medical industry which thrives on unneccessary surgical prodecures in order to take their 'share' and drive a BMW..

I feel your justified pain and I would like to tell you that you should not allow anyone to pressure you to feel 'peachy' just because in their mind's eye they think that you can be helped this way. The more you'll be convinced into denying or suppressing your feelings, the more they will emerge haunting you asking for acceptance and recognition. You have a right to your pain and this is your absolute right. Of course, taking anti-depressants won't help you as they will overload your liver with chemical/synthetic substances affecting negatively your nervous system and eventually your emotional aspect going deeper into depression.

Get angry and fight back. Has your mother acknowledged her mistake? Is she accountable for it?? How about the butcher gyno?? Have you thought of suing her for negligence and misinformation???

If your boyfriend loves you enough to marry you DO NOT make the mistake of denying him this wish. You will regret it again..Having someone to love you and to want to be with you does not come easy in this life...Love yourself as you are now but additionally, see if you can bring back your labia (or at least some or most of it) by finding and talking to a reputable plastic surgeon for reconstructive surgery- they do miracles nowadays! Do not be so hard on yourself - be hard on those who cost you your happiness - if they accept accountability, you must forgive them.
Keep your man, get tough and get your life back!