Dear Dr. Betty,
I am a Muslim girl and I shouldn't be wondering this but I can't help it. In my country, when a girl is born they perform clitoridectomy where the clit is partially removed. I asked my mother why they do that and she said it's so that the girl won't orgasm easily so they won't turn into "bad" girls. I'm really upset by this because I thought after I get married I would get to experience the kind of feelings the characters from those erotic books feel (another thing I shouldn't be doing is reading erotica).
I'm not very religious so I don't feel much guilt about all this. There's barely any sex ed in schools here and it's natural to be curious. I don't wanna feel too scared on my wedding night. Which is actually a long time from now because I'm only 16 but I'm excited for it. Anyway, I tried looking for my clitoris using a mirror and I don't see anything that resembles a clitoris down there. I think I looked pretty thoroughly. Maybe it's just really small or I'm looking at it wrong or it's not there.
My main concern is that my orgasm experience might be ruined and I won't enjoy sex as much as my future husband will. It'll be so unfair. So please can you help me clarify a bit more about what having a part of your clit removed really means?
Female genital mutilation is classified into four major types. So it would depend upon what kind you underwent. Perhaps your mother knows. The following info was taken from Google. If you search FGM, there is lots of information available.
1. Clitoridectomy: partial or total removal of the clitoris and, in very rare cases, only the prepuce (the fold of skin surrounding the clitoris).
2. Excision: partial or total removal of the clitoris and the labia minora, with or without excision of the labia majora (the labia are "the lips" that surround the vagina).
3. Infibulation: narrowing of the vaginal opening through the creation of a covering seal. The seal is formed by cutting and repositioning the inner, or outer, labia, with or without removal of the clitoris.\
4. Other: all other harmful procedures to the female genitalia for non-medical purposes, e.g. pricking, piercing, incising, scraping and cauterizing the genital area.
Since we have only recently discovered the "Internal Clitoris" it's possible you can still feel pleasure from vaginal penetration but a full orgasm might be a problem. Even American girls who are intact have difficulty with orgasm from sexual intercourse due to the absence of masturbation in childhood. I applaud your bold acceptance of wanting to enjoy sex under very difficult circumstances. Some of my spoiled American girls have no idea how good they have it here compared to what other young girls must endure in countries that practice FGM.
Just be aware that those romance stories are like fairy tales that are NOT true.
Your masturbation practice might begin by massaging your entire genital area with coconut oil and fingering around your vaginal opening as well an just inside. This is where we have our most sensitive nerves other than the clitoris. Later on when you explore full penetration, pressing up into the ceiling of your vagina which indirectly contacts your urinary tract or G spot, some women report feeling pleasure from this. Ultimately our minds are one organ that can create the most excitement of all, so don't hesitate to develop your sexual fantasies during your vulva massage.