Vaginal Tear Has Me Self-Conscious During Oral Sex

Tue, 05/13/2014 - 09:33
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I'm a 28yo female with a healthy sex drive. My current lover has an incredible cunnilingus fetish that I am happy to help satiate often.

I used to masturbate a lot as a preteen. One time I used a permanent pen, and the clip part of the cap poked me and tore some skin inside my vagina. I was to embarrassed to talk about it or see if anything was wrong, I couldn't have been older than 12. I've since had pap smears and been told everything is fine.

The problem is that I still have this tear, that now looks like a 1/2 inch long tail that sticks out at the top of my vaginal opening, and it makes me extremely self conscious when receiving cunnilingus because I know it doesn't look normal. I have had a happy and healthy sex life without negative experiences or criticisms as a result of this, but I still personally would like to remove it.

Would this be safe to remove, and how would I go about finding a gyn to do this? I am very shy talking about this, I've only told one partner and one gyno. I no longer live in the same state.


Dear J,

I've seen many thousands of vulvas over the years in both the workshops and my private practice. They are ALL different and unique. Many have small skin tags and each woman felt like you do: that there was something "wrong" with whatever mole or bump or skin tag we came across. STOP fussing over it. Obviously your BF could care less.

Yes, you can have it removed BUT why bother? If you chose to do that because you are still ashamed of fucking your pen which is quite natural for any healthy teen girl. (I fucked my jumping rope handle and a small bottle). For years I thought I was sexually perverted for doing such a terrible thing. Now I realize it just meant I was curious to understand my body by exploring all the available openings. Today I have an elaborate collection of dildos and butt plugs so I'm still an explorer of my available openings.

If you decide to have it cut off, then you must locate a doctor and make an appointment. It will most likely be an in-office procedure. However, I encourage you to leave it alone and stop being ashamed. Like I said, experimentation is quite natural for any healthy teen girl who is interested in sex and her body.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Wonderful Women's Bodies

Tue, 05/13/2014 - 13:03

Dear J

I acquired my labial tear during childbirth with my oldest daughter. It was small and not deemed worth a stitch as they thought it would just re-knit. It didn't and for some time I was left struggling to appreciate my fanny in it's new non-symmetrical look.

The difference felt vast to me. At no time did my partner comment but I found the look and feel of such a raggedy-anne strangely difficult to reconcile with.

A couple of things helped me come to terms again, mainly looking through some pictures of the vast variety of labias out there. A tear of the labia or vagina wall is really not noticeable in amongst everything else that changes from woman to woman - check out the pictures and feel comfortable. The different shapes and colours are amazing. There is beauty in all of them. I had no idea how varied women's vulvas really were and their diversity still amazes me.

It was also clear that men, specifically my partner couldn't care less, and in fact didn't seem to notice (men seem very task (touch?) orientated, not really looking around at the scenery too much)

Like every other part of your body, your vulva will change over the years. Think carefully whether you want to start down the road of cosmetic surgery so early in your life. Our bodies tell the stories of our lives and we need to be comfortable with them.