I Want to Learn How to Get on Top & Ride My Man

Fri, 03/28/2014 - 10:21
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Dr. Betty,

I'm having sex with one of my best friends. We are not in a committed relationship but more friends with benefits! The last time we had sex I had a really hard time making him come. I could not do it and finally just flipped him over and gave him a massage so he could sleep but I felt worthless as a woman! I've never really felt like I lacked confidence in the bedroom but when I am riding him I am almost positive Im doing it wrong! I just kind if grind back and forth!

I have looked for instructional videos etc. but nothing. I have never hopped up and down when riding a man because I am not sure how... I'm scared to do it wrong. Are there any good instructional videos you can suggest on how to properly perform woman on top and even reverse cowgirl? I would totally pay the $1200 to see you but I live in Houston and it would run me around $4000 by the time the trip is done.

I really want to rock his world and I know I am failing in this one area. He is not very verbal so getting anything out of him during sex is hard!! And we dont really talk about sex unless wer doing it since we just have the benefits thing going on!

I have feelings for this friend which I am still exploring but I want to give him amazing sex... Being on top has always been an insecure thing for me only cause I dont know what I'm doing! I have been searching and searching for sex coaches in Houston and the only thing in find is therapists who deal with the emotional side... Not the physical!

Please help!

Dear A,

Instead of being so focused on pleasing him, I'd recommend you focus on doing what feels good to you. What the hell girl!. Why on earth are you knocking yourself out to be the best fuck in the world for a buddy? Or for anyone? Get your other eye out from behind your hair and look around. He's damn lucky to have you in bed let alone making the perfect moves to get him off.

Since he's a friend this is a perfect opportunity to talk about what just took place during your sexual exchange. What did he do that you liked? What did you do that he liked? We can't read each others mind. So communicate! TALK!

As for Cowgirl, if you move in a way that feels best for you, that's the way to go. All guys are different and like different things. Ask him. Grinding is good. Bouncing up and down might feel good to him but I dislike it. If you land wrong his penis can get bent. Same with reverse Cowgirl. If we don't keep our clits in contact with his body, then we can reach down and stimulate our clits with our fingers: Believe me, once you are getting off he'll be right there with you. Focus on your pleasure and orgasms and you'll be the best lay in the world. Nothing is more exciting to a man than a woman who is authentically orgasmic!

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Wed, 04/02/2014 - 00:42
junia136 (not verified)

This was just about the best advice I have read.  Betty thank you, thank you, thank you! 

Guys Not Getting Off

Sun, 06/15/2014 - 10:07

If he is older, there are several health reasons why, too long to go into (no pun intended). If he is young, a lot of guys are so addicted to masturbating with porn, that partner sex is too "vanilla" for them. Unless you are screaming and squirting during intercourse, the experience leaves them flat. So many women are faking to please because of this standard.

But Betty has the right barometer on this - please yourself! Guys have it pretty easy with sex and get off rather easily. Women are so hemmed in as to what we are "allowed" to do with heterosexual partnering, that getting off at all in a sexual union is next to a miracle. So do not worry about your sex buddy, I promise you he will not perish from sexual starvation. Chances are if he does not have another woman on the side, he definitely has a porno tape somewhere that will do the trick!