Hi Dr. Betty,
Your website has been a great outlet for me as I am a 28 year old female who has yet to really experience an orgasm. Upon seeing one of your videos and doing some research on female anatomy and examining myself, I have come to find that I not only do not have any labia minora, but I can't find my clitoris. I have been able to feel pleasure in the general clitoral region, but when I examine myself it just looks like a tight piece of skin above my urethra…I do not see a clitoris or a hood.
When I was a growing up and starting to masturbate, the only way I could masturbate and feel pleasure is if I leaned up against a table or corner of a chair and applied a generous amount of pressure on my vagina, and moved back and forth. I would describe the pleasure from this as a "tension orgasm". I was very ashamed of this method of masturbation and have since been able to achieve the same stimulation with a vibrator, but only with immense pressure and my legs being closed.
Because I just discovered this I have yet to go to a doctor and get a diagnosis. From my own research this could be female phimosis. The only treatment is apparently a hoodectomy, but I am obviously hesitant to do this. I have a boyfriend and when we have sex it does feel good…but I can never achieve orgasm. Do you have any advice or suggestions?
Your situation is far more common than most people realize. First the way you are examining yourself is most likely not adequate. You need a free standing make-up mirror that stands alone so you can use BOTH hands. The mirror needs to have an 8inch diameter at least. (Most drugstores carry them). Avoid using the magnifying side as it distorts the image too much. Also a good light source that can be aimed between your legs is important. Most adjustable desk lamps work.
Now if this seems like a lot of trouble, it doesn't compare with the drastic act of having unnecessary surgery. Forget about "female phimosis" and "hoodectomy"!
Both are terms that I would NEVER use. This is an example of getting too much information from a medical source that is total crap. Surgery is only used in a life or death situation. Besides, most doctors are notoriously uninformed about female sexuality.
Next step is to STOP feeling guilty or ashamed of using pressure only with legs held out straight and stiff to help create tension. I've heard this a million times. I'm enclosing links to essays with instructions about dealing with this VERY common method of masturbation. No one is teaching masturbation skills. Except D&R where you can access necessary sex information in order to develop your orgasms. Now get busy and practice.