Hi Dr. Betty,
I've been battling with this uncomfortable feeling I get when I have sex with my partner and I know she wants me to perform oral sex on her. During my previous relationship of 6+ years, I only "went down" on her once. My first experience wasn't great, she tasted very salty and smelled pungent which turned me off to ever attempt it again. I feel like that one experience scarred me until this day (almost 7 years later).
I'm not turned off to the idea of oral sex completely because I am open to and love receiving it, but the idea of giving freaks me out a bit. I also feel self-conscious because I've only ever eaten out a pussy once so I feel like my inexperience will turn her off or make her think that I'm terrible at it. How do I overcome these fears of mine? How does one eat out a pussy?
In my previous relationship, my ex was a "top" and did not want me to touch her, she would get off on fucking me. Since that was a part of my life for 6 years, I've gotten so accustomed to being a bottom that when I have sex with my current partner, I mostly receive. To be honest, I want to fuck and please her like she does for me, but I don't know how I can sustain the energy to fuck someone for a period of time.
I get tired after a few minutes. We've played with strap-ons, but we both prefer to use our hands. What can I do to improve my stamina and drive to want to be the giver? What are some of your favorite "moves" to use when finger-fucking yourself or another woman?
You present a lot of problems in one email. Order my e-book "Orgasms for Two" so I don't have to write the book again in this email. There are many websites dedicated to health issues. The first thing I can advise is to STOP eating fast junk food and begin consuming organic food. What part of the world do you live in?
I'm going to deal with going down on a vulva right now. Before having sex, suggest you both take a shower together. Soaping each others genitals is sexy and fun. We all have our own scent and taste. But clean is a must in order to enjoy oral sex including kissing.
As for technique, the best is to ask her. Let her tell you what feels best. When you are learning something new, you can't act like you have all the answers. You don't. Any smart woman will appreciate your asking. Separate your learning sex from notions that you must act passionate all the way to an orgasm. State that you want to learn from her what she likes. That changes the dynamic instantly. If she says "I don't really know" then both of you can experiment together. Turn this into a game and have fun.
There are some good DVD's and books about oral sex. Seek them out. I have a chapter in my e-book and Carlin has suggestions in her e-book too. You can order them from us. The information is all there you just need to search it out.