I've loved your books and philosophy growing up. I found your site in my teens and you changed many preconceived ideas I had about myself. I loosened up on myself and started masturbating. Then I did a report on "Sex for One" in my sexual health class in my freshman year of college and started masturbating more. Yes I dated and enjoyed intercourse with a few guys but was not about to be subjugated by them for my pleasure and so I masturbated for myself. I figure I am one of many students of your teachings raised on and so much appreciating a masturbating, self fulfilling lifestyle. I even think of you sometimes while enjoying another orgasm and thank you for my enlightenment so early in my life that has inspired me to this lifestyle.
I have a question but will tell you the story first since I know you and your readers like stories to humanize the subject and connect with the writer.
I was rooming off-campus with a senior. She made extra money on-line simply doing what she enjoyed, masturbating. I discovered there are so many girls on campus doing this so it is not at all uncommon now. She got me into it, convincing me I could make a lot. I have a swimmers body, I swim and run, and my breasts are ample but firm. I needed the money for books and it seemed like fun in the comfort and safety of our own apartment.
She got me connected with her site gave me advice during my first few sessions- what she had learned and the etiquette and such. She even masturbated along with me but out of site of the camera just to help me feel comfortable about it. She said I was a natural at it- easy to tell I love it and my style tells her I've masturbated a lot. She could tell I was not faking my pleasure and my orgasms. Apparently, some girls have to fake it on these sites having to masturbate so often on-line. Watching me even made her masturbate.
I have to admit, it was gratifying, a bit self-affirming even, to actually see so many guys, even some girls, on the other end having orgasms during each session just from me enjoying myself.
By the time the first check came in, I had worked my way up to 3 to 4 sessions a day. It was several hundred dollars for the month. It was perfect since the swim season was over and I needed something anyway to keep me busy and fit. I was getting paid to do what I enjoy.
The following semester I arranged my classes to give me more time in between to masturbate. I was able increase my sessions to 5 to 6 a day, some together with my roommate. We made much more money masturbating together and I found the experience energizing. It helped me cum strong and want it even more. It also increased my orgasms. Half way into the semester I was having multiple orgasms and even started squirting. I had never experienced anything so pleasurable and releasing.
I worked my way through all 4 years of college this way. After graduation I got a job and eventually my own condo and I figured it was time to end my masturbation sessions and get serious. I was in the real world now and ladies don't act like that!
After 4 years of such intense conditioning of my body, it was difficult to cut back. I cut back enough to work around the typical working schedule. However, I still have to masturbate so badly before and after work and then at bedtime. A few times, when the office was empty during lunch, I quietly masturbated at my desk. I found it is good to have a Depends around in those occasions for when I need to squirt.
I have gone through several boyfriends who, when they found out about my masturbation lifestyle, got freaked out. I have tried to meet guys on various sex sites who are more open minded and into masturbation also but they have all turned out weird or completely different than their profiles. Several were even married. I have dated a few girls since and, for some reason, they don't seem to mind and even encourage me. I really enjoy intercourse though and the company of a guy sometimes and wish there could be a more open minded supporting guy out there.
What do you suggest? Should I repress my needs or should I hide my true self from boyfriends? Is there a way or timing to opening up to a guy about this sort of lifestyle or need? Perhaps I should empty my closet of so many toys?
Rather than calling it "hiding my true self" think of it as not coming on too strong. Give a guy some time with you before "telling all" about your consistent pattern of masturbating. Best would be finding a "like-minded" man who would join you in your self-pleasuring, BUT not all the time many times a day! That borders on an obsession.
I suspect you are basically having fast tension orgasms as a result of the frequency that you've described. Instead of so many quickies, I suggest you experiment with spending more time to prolong the session while exploring your body. Stretch it out by edging, coming close to a climax then pulling back to let the pleasurable sensations grow more intense.
The fact that you are squirting suggests that you bearing down with your pelvic floor muscle instead of squeezing it by pulling up. Squirting is mostly for a guys entertainment and although many women have told me it feels good, they all agree it's NOT the same thing as having an orgasm.
So go on the website and read my description of what I call "The Rock 'n Roll Orgasm that uses your breathe, pelvic rocking and using the PC muscle.
I suspect that once you deepen your experience of orgasms with yourself, you will not feel the desire or need to do it so frequently. What you have described sounds a bit like scratching a sexual itch instead of having a nice slow full body orgasm.
Those quickies are a bit like "fast food" which means lacking nutrition. I think our orgasms can be similar when they are all "fast comes." So slow down girl, and stretch out those pleasurable sensations and stop racking up numbers. It's not about how many or how fast but how satisfying an orgasm can be.