Let’s Substitute Sexual Possession with Sexual Pleasure

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 08:29
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I've spent the last 40 years of my life teaching women to orgasm - women who've been sexually repressed by religion, shame, guilt and even FGM.   Whether your clitoris has been physically or psychologically removed the end result is the same. 

I only had one client who was a victim of FGM. After much coaxing that went on for over an hour, I was finally able to view her vulva for an instant— I could see she was intact. Because she had been unable to view herself in a mirror, there was no way for her to know this. When I asked who did her circumcision she said it was her Aunt. I told her to send her a thank you letter because she'd only done a ritual nick on the clitoral hood. Still, the woman suffered the same as though her clitoris had actually been removed.

I'm sorry to report that there is not much that can be done to repair a clitoris that has been surgically removed. It depends upon the kind of FGM a woman has suffered as to what can be done to reverse this. The World Health Organization offers four classifications of FGM. The main three are:

Type I, removal of the clitoral hood, almost invariably accompanied by removal of the clitoris itself (clitoridectomy).

Type II, removal of the clitoris and inner labia;

Type III, (infibulation), removal of all or part of the inner and outer labia, and usually the clitoris, and the fusion of the wound, leaving a small hole for the passage of urine and menstrual blood—the fused wound is opened for intercourse and childbirth.

Type IV, These range from a symbolic pricking or piercing of the clitoris or labia, to cauterization of the clitoris.

Around 85% of women who undergo FGM experience Types I and II, and 15 % Type III. Several miscellaneous acts are categorized as, cutting into the vagina to widen it (gishiri cutting), and introducing corrosive substances to tighten it.

Dr. Marci Bowers who is located on the West Coast is the leading doctor doing reconstructive surgery for FGM victims. This consists of removing scar tissue to make a vulva appear more normal. If not too much of the clitoral stem has been removed, Dr. Bowers will pull it forward and secure it in place where the clitoral glans once was. There is no guarantee that a woman will be able to experience an orgasm as a result. However, some women are content to have any sensation at all and to improve on the appearance of their sex organ after the removal of scar tissue.

Many American and European women are psychologically mutilated as a result of never viewing their own or other women’s sex organs. Without any visual information or how we compare with other women leaves us vulnerable to myths or what’s currently seen as sexually desirable— similar to fashion. Or those who do look only to become convinced there is something wrong with what they see; especially for those of us who have inner lips that extend beyond the outer lips. Unfortunately, the “clamshell” seems to be in vogue which is more like a pubescent girl.

Upon my first childhood viewing around ten years old, I was convinced that I'd stretched my inner labia from too much masturbation. My only visual reference for inner dangling labia was that they looked like those things that hung down from a chicken’s neck. I later learned they were called a wattle. It wasn't until I was 35 when I discovered the form of my vulva was average. After 40 years of viewing a variety of women’s genitals in my private practice and the workshops, extended inner lips are the most common form.

That’s good news for the surgeons doing Labiaplasty. Many young girls want to imitate what guys claim to prefer after they’ve grown up watching porn. Or maybe they just assume that’s they way a vulva looks. The porn industry does a make-over on female stars. Almost all get a boob job, lots of big blonde hair, liposuction to smooth out cellulite and their labia trimmed along with bleaching and dying the asshole pink. Remember, porn is basically entertainment for men. Perhaps that why the company Mattel created a Barbie with big boobs, long legs and lots of blond hair? Some days I think it’s a plot to condition girls at an early age to conform to an image that visually pleases men? Barbie doesn’t even have a vulva which is pretty similar to how we raise our little girls.

We now know there is much more to the clitoris that what can be viewed on the surface. (Link to the Internal Clitoris). The urinary tract is surrounded by the urethral sponge that sits on the other side of the vaginal ceiling. By stroking or using pressure on this area it will stimulate the erectile tissue that is part of the internal clitoris called the G spot. In other words, this is a very indirect form of clitoral stimulation that has similarities to the elusive vaginal orgasm. It’s kind of like telling men that because women love to penetrate the anus, they should learn to come with prostate massage alone. While both forms of sexual activity will enhance male or female orgasm, I don’t recommend either one for end pleasure when direct stimulation of the clitoral and penile glans is far more powerful and therefore more pleasurable.

To avoid the either/or dilemma, I teach women how to enjoy both forms of stimulation; vaginal penetration with clitoral stimulation at the same time. The combination orgasm is the best of both worlds. It also helps to use a battery or electric vibrator near and around the clitoris while also adding the conscious use of the pelvic floor (PC) muscle combined with breathing out loud. Most people are very sneaky silent breathers. Adding sound will improve sexual sensations for both women and men and let our partners know that it feels good. For men who are doing anal sex, a “reach around” is the only gentlemanly thing to do. Or both the woman and man can take control of their own primary organ for orgasm, the clitoris and the head of the penis: USING LOTS OF ORGANIC MASSAGE OIL.

To heal the millions of American, European, Asian as well as African women from either lack of visual knowledge or surgically altered genitals, the results are the same: women are sexually crippled by men who feel a desperate need to control them. Note: they don’t remove the G spot to curtail women’s sexual activity; they cut the clitoris, the true source of women’s sexual orgasms and pleasure.

Actually male circumcision is similar— the foreskin is richly endowed with responsive nerve endings, the male clitoris. This surgery was originally done to keep boys from masturbating. Now it’s routine to assure the mother her son will look like his father, or performed as a religious ritual.

Do we get the picture here?

These different cultures are bent on controlling our sexual expression using organized religions as their method. Whether Catholic, Islamic or Hindu, the result is the same: controlling female sexuality by reducing our ability to enjoy pleasure. This enables every husband to rest assured the baby his wife gave birth to was his own. This kind of womb guarding relates to property rights for a man’s heirs. Women’s sexual repression and lack of orgasms simply makes it easier for men to control us. Ever hear the song, “How’re you going to keep him down on the farm after he’s seen Paris? The same principal applies to women. Personally, I left the farm when I was 20 and I never looked back.

Once a woman discovers her vulva and the true source of her pleasure, the clitoris, she is capable of enjoying independent orgasms which can lead to having independent thoughts. The “You Tarzan, me Jane” days are long gone. Any smart man will realize that a sexual woman having authentic orgasms is a joy to behold. Just don’t expect to hold on too tight as she is her own person who knows what she wants along with some ideas of how to get it. Instead of adhering to the traditional sex roles, a sexually equal woman would be more like having a brofriend who has a juicy vagina with a hard throbbing clitoris and tits! That can’t be all bad.

So men, stop trying to hold us back. Surrender to ecstasy with an equal partner. That’s when heterosexuality will be as much sexual fun as what’s currently enjoyed by many gays who do not follow religious restrictions. A long term monogamous marriage will always be available to those couples who want to remain faithful. Others will choose to be together but in a more flexible style like the Poly community. These folks believe it’s not only possible but actually desirable to love more than one person that would include some form of sexual exchange that is agreed upon and sanctioned by those involved.

The plural marriages of Mormons made the mistake of using the harem model of one man with many women. Unless the women were bisexual and could entertain each other, the reverse would be closer to the nature of female sexuality. We are far more capable of enjoying sexual stimulation far longer with many orgasms than men. There have been many episodes of “Sister Wives” where I thought: “If only I could run a Bodysex workshop for them. It would make so much sense, but then, who said any authoritarian religious system could ever handle much sexual joy and fun!

If we only realized that we could each design a sexlife that suits us instead of the knee jerk response of adhering to monogamy that is a religious construct primarily practiced by women. C’mon America. Let’s substitute sexual possession with sexual pleasure and embrace abundance for all.

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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This is brilliant. Thanks

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 09:45
3342 (not verified)

This is brilliant. Thanks

Better Orgasms-Better World for us gals.

Wed, 10/23/2013 - 09:55
ouellette (not verified)

Excellent. This sums up Dr Betty's philosophy. Thank God we have you!! Better Orgasms-Better World for us gals.