Dear Dr. Betty,
I am so excited that I had to share. I am currently studying sexology where I have been introduced to your wonderful work and happily get to refer people to this site where they can find good information on healthy, fun sexual practice. I've always been interested in and enjoyed sex ever since I can remember, however I primarily began studying sexology after my husband lost complete sexual interest in me - he wouldn't even let me get within a metre or two of touching him without flinching or getting upset. I'm sure you can understand how devastating this was for me.
We had always had an excellent sex life, save for my long-term anorgasmia during partnersex, which never bothered me as I could masturbate to orgasm. But it made me sad that my husband wanted nothing to do with me, I've always really enjoyed and actively pursued a good sex life and I struggled to understand. I began my studies in Sexology and I absolutely loved it. I learned more about taking control over my own sex life and letting go of what I can't influence. My marriage broke down, as expected it would by that stage, but I was able to come out of it with a fresh perspective of what was important to me and finding confidence in myself. I finally realised that it wasn't my fault that my husband no longer wanted me and I stopped blaming myself. I regained my confidence that I am a good person and a sexual person at that and I should no longer apologise. It brought me immense freedom - freedom from my insecurity and permission for myself to have the sex that I wanted.
And with all this something really surprising happened! (well not all that surprising really, but it was at the time) Earlier this year I (unexpectedly) began a sexual relationship with a lovely boy I had known for some years, someone who is younger and not yet cynical, someone who is very open to listening to me and my body and to learning from the experience. It was with this young lad that I had my first ever partner orgasm! Completely out of the blue and unexpected it surprised me more than him. Sadly we live in different countries and he had to return to work before we had a further chance to explore. We spent the time apart busily emailing and learning about our bodies, what we liked, what we wanted.
This wonderful boy has recently returned home for a visit and we caught up again. But to hit another milestone last night, again unexpectedly, I managed to achieve multiple orgams! Over and over, unrelenting, non-stopping - now I finally understand those words "an orgasm, is an orgasm, is an orgasm". I finally get how my orgasm is different during partnersex as opposed to masturbation and how to embrace that. It all makes sense! Wow! Freaking awesome! I couldn't stop laughing at the time and today I feel fulfilled, that I have achieved something wonderful and lucky that I've managed to get here in my early thirties. I never thought or expected this would happen and here I am. I could almost cry with happiness (though I am feeling a little guilty this boy hurt his hand in getting me to this point - but it is nice to have a partner who enjoys the process).
Thank you, Dr. Betty, for all the wonderful advice and ideas. I can now make sense of the wisdom you have imparted and can feel very confident that if I can make it, well majority of people I refer over to here can. You have been invaluable in helping me to relax, let go and enjoy. Today is a happy day :)
I love getting emails like this so thank you for taking the time to share your good news! Stay in touch with D&R.