Even Sex with Myself Can Surprise Me

Tue, 08/13/2013 - 08:12
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty!

I would like to send you a kind of upgrade of my masturbation technique and share an inability of talking about my masturbation with my friend (some time ago I send you a description of “How I found my clitoris”).

It is sad for me, that there is no friend, no woman in my life, that I could share my masturbation experience with. I do have a close friend and we talked about masturbating few times, but it was only kind of: we are doing this, we are masturbating, with sharing no details. She told me that she is kind of afraid of penetration (with a man). I told her, that she should not be afraid of penetration with a man and should penetrate herself first. It is sad for me to hear from my friend that “she is not going to have her first time with a vibrator”. Hearing that I was not able to tell her that I have penetrated myself with a handle of a hairbrush, a glass bottle of perfume, a cucumber or a carrot and that it was before having penetration with a man. I knew that it would be too much for her, especially that she told me something like “well, it’s great that you are pleasing yourself with a vibrator, but I am not going to go to the sex shop and buy myself one”.

I know that I should take care of my (sex) life and not of the others, but I feel really sad about woman that are close to me, knowing that they are not doing self-penetration before being penetrated by a man and that they are afraid of penetration, afraid what the guy is going to think when he finds out that they are “virgins”. I told my friend, that she can do it herself, so that the guy will not know, that he does not have to know, and she should do it first. But she told me this line about the vibrator, so I could not tell her “just take anything long that fits…”. I told her that it is her body and she can do whatever she wants… But she still has this image in her mind of having “the first time” with a man, not with a vibrator…

It took me quite a long time to get where I am now – having orgasms with myself, whenever I want and however I want and penetrating myself with anything I want including a vibrator or any object that comes to my mind (or comes out of my refrigerator). It is sad, that I can not tell this all to my friend, because she still thinks, that it is the man that is going to please her and give her an orgasm. Of course I am trying to give her some advice, but I have my tongue stuck in my mouth - I just feel it is still so taboo for me – for example that I am penetrating myself with a cucumber.

Sometimes it is scary for me to think, that we woman are more brainwashed that men when it comes to sex and orgasm. And that it is far more difficult for us woman to wash our minds.

Anyway – when I was younger, I thought that anal sex is disgusting and hurts woman and is pleasant only for men. To my surprise few days ago I felt that I wanted to penetrate myself anally and see how it feels and I did it. It was new, it was fun, it was pleasant and the most important thing – I wanted it and I did it myself. In combo with clitoral stimulation I had an orgasm. I felt more feminine and stronger after that. It shows me that my sex life with myself is changing and even sex with myself can surprise me.

All the best for You and Carlin from the depths of my clitoris!

Dear A,

What a delightful email. Enjoying your own sexuality is basic, but whenever you can, simply share what you are doing with your friend. Just speak about yourself and don't pressure her to try anything new. In that way you are planting seeds of sex information that just might sprout inside her with more pleasure. Sharing our own experiences with sex without pushing someone else to change is the essence of feminism.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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We need to make a distinction between vibrators and dildos.

Betty Dodson's picture
Tue, 08/13/2013 - 21:21
Betty Dodson

A vibrator does just that, it vibrates and is usually used on or near the clitoris. A dildo is for vaginal or anal penetration only and is usually made of silicone, a qualtiy rubber. Dildos also can be made from metal, glass and wood as well as jade or some other semi precious stone. For penetration beginners, I recommend using a veggie carved to the size that feels best for the user. Cucumbers were first but when women carved them too close to the middle and ended up with seeds inside their pussies, some freaked out. So we shifted over to zucchinis that were easier to deal with. Also a carrot can be carved to size. The reason I began to recommend veggie dildos  was in order for women to chose the best size before they ordered one online. The good ones are not cheap so you want a size that will be fun, not a huge challenge. So get out the potatoe parer and carve your Prince Charming for your penetration rehersal.
Dr. Betty