It sneaked up on me when things were going so well. A round of tests by all the different doctors came out positive except the cardiologist. I’m still not quite clear what’s wrong but a prescribed diuretic eliminated my swollen ankles and lower legs.
Then we had a heat wave which kept me in doors more than usual. When I went to my pool it was still empty while getting repaired, and in this heat, I couldn’t walk the park either. And guess what? I had also abandoned my self-loving rituals. A body at rest tends to stay at rest!
Meanwhile, honors for a lifetime of sex education keep pouring in, and here I am, feeling sorry for myself because I’m growing old. I dislike living with me when I’m like this.
While reading advice from one of our members, Bila suggested a woman begin using affirmations to overcome negative feelings about her body. Well, what is ageing if not watching a physical body in decline? I remember my dismay when losing my ability to walk with disintegrating hip joints. At that time, thanks to Louise Hay, my affirmation was “I move forward in life with ease and joy at every age.” A year later I had my new titanium hips that are still working just fine eighteen years later. So my new affirmation for the aging process is: “I move forward in life with orgasmic joy at every age.”
This past Sunday I got out my sex toys, almond oil and had an orgy with myself and a favorite fantasy. Once again I’m edging which means coming up close to an orgasm then letting it subside by dropping back without losing all of my momentum. It’s tricky to be on what a friend once called “Rainbow Ridge,” but the worst that can happen is losing control and coming before I want to. I can always start again but experience has shown it’s never as hot as that first run. So holding back with this finicky timing is a challenge, but when I succeed it’s a truly amazing experience.
Next my buddy Reid Mihalko sent his blog about challenging ourselves by doing some thing that scares us. For most of my adult life, I’ve known that being scared shitless on a regular basis always made me feel more alive. Now I’m doing it again by filming my orgasm just before I enter my 85th year on planet Earth. Once my terrified ancient ass was on the line, I did feel more alive.
This week, Lawrence Lanoff filmed me masturbating to orgasm! Carlin was our director. I was disappointed to only have a mediocre orgasm, but still, just the idea that a woman in her 80’s being self-sexual is a healing image. I also learned a very important lesson: I’ve always been on my case about not masturbating and having more orgasms as I demand to remain committed to doing what I teach!
Guess what? I discovered that masturbating less frequently results in a bigger and more meaningful orgasm. I expected to have one of those blast offs just three days later. Nope! It wasn’t going to happen.
So at my advanced age having a big orgasm every two or three weeks is perfectly fine. I no longer have to be on my case about neglecting my sexuality AND once again, I appreciate my older self.