How Can I be an Ethical Slut?

Tue, 07/02/2013 - 08:11
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I have recently started having sex with a man (I'm 20 and he is 24) from Ghana (i am a white female from the US that only speaks English). We can communicate on some level but there is definitely a language barrier. I met him at a work event and we ended up (safely) fucking in my car after our shifts. I feel like I respected him and we both had orgasms but I didn't care if it ever happened again.

I woke up the next morning in my bed to several missed phone calls and texts from him in broken English asking if i was okay and saying that he didn't want to lose me as his only friend! I had told him before we took our clothes off that I fucked for fun but i dont actually know if he understands like he says he does. I had sex with him again because I really wanted to but he continues to send me love poems and calls me multiple times a day (its been a week) I wonder if I'm not being ethical in my sluthood but honestly I just want to fuck him until I go back to school in the fall.

Dear A,

The language barrier does create a problem. It's hard enough for an American man to understand that a woman might want to fuck for fun, let alone a man from Ghana. It's a problem. Obviously he's smitten and wants more from you while you are simply enjoying the sex until you go back to school. Make an effort to explain again and then let it go. One thing a guy understands is when a woman falls for someone else.

You might have to make up a story about having a lover back at school when you say good-by to him. If you think he's really getting in too deep, then I'd suggest breaking it off sooner rather than later. Damn! A girl can't even fuck for fun these days. I'd love to know how you end up handling this. Talk about a role reversal, this is it.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Cultural Differences

Wed, 07/03/2013 - 00:36
Danizzle (not verified)

I was in a similar situation when I lived in Thailand last year. I'm in my early 20's and I met an island guy while I was working Bangkok. I thought it would be a one night stand but he was persistent and seemed to be very smitten with me, even so far as coming to visit me where I lived in Bangkok (3 hours away from where he lived).

The language barrier was pretty high but we could still have simple conversations and I tried to communicate clearly that "I had lots of boyfriends" and I was seeing other guys (I was single and having fun abroad). He seemed to understand and said he was ok with that. But despite me telling him this several times he would still get jealous and ask if who I had slept with between his visits. He called frequently and became somewhat possesive. I answered his calls less and less and of course in leaving the country, I didn't have to deal with it anymore.

That situation makes me wary of casually dating or sleeping with non-western men in the future. Although they can understand logically and say they're ok with casual sex, their culture has certainly taught them differently. And that is very, very hard to unlearn.

Technically you are doing nothing wrong, but cultural differences make things sticky and confusing. I personally would break it off as soon as possible to avoid the situation getting messier. I agree with Betty that a white lie about another guy would be easiest for him to understand.

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