Am I a Slut? I Feel Like a Slut

Thu, 07/18/2013 - 07:37
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty(and Carlin!)

I'm seventeen, going on eighteen and have just recently broken up with a boyfriend I spent a year and three months with. The decision to end the relationship was painful but necessary because of a need to focus on my studies (I'm in my final year of school.) and a very large craving for space to deal with how I'm feeling at the moment. However, due to our proximity and school and within our friendship groups I decided not to tell him all of the reasons why I wanted us not to see each other romantically anymore.

Truthfully, I had sex with other people within the last five months of our relationship as well as emotionally betraying my boyfriend through the planning of my next relationship with a friend for next year with them. My ex-boyfriend was not a bad person and was a very caring, thoughtful and sweet. But for the entire relationship I felt like I was constantly trying to emotionally catch up to him while physically, I had to be patient and responsible for all sexual acts.

During the time, my infidelity seemed to me like a completely justified and reasonable. Posing only as a result of remaining in an unsatisfying monogamous relationship out of loyalty as a friend, rather that a sexual partner in the last four months of our relationship. If I were not myself, I would defiantly consider what I did as 'slutty' as I did not respect the partners I had while remaining in an unsatisfying relationship, nor my ex boyfriend's and now that I really think about it, I don't think I respected myself as a person who I liked to imagine maintained a certain level of self restraint and dignity.

I think that love is a product of respect, affection and honesty. And I'm afraid that my niggling depression is a consequence of all of these traits being absent from my life at the moment.

Help me, how can I create a tie between promiscuity and self respect? And how can I stop the self hating cycle going on in my mind as a result of my confusion? Because I'm not sure it would help the situation to confess my sins, and these feelings aren't going away with time. And I don't think I'm ready or willing to accept that I am a very different person to who I thought I was.

Thank You.

K

Dear K,

Forgive yourself this very minute! NOW! Stop laying a guilt trip on yourself based upon a sex negative society. Australia is becoming more like the USA every day with a disgusting morality based on stupid ass religion. It's your body and your sexuality to do with as you please. Take ownership! No one has a right to tell us what, when, where and with whom we can have sex. That's entirely your domain. the only thing that you need to have "respect, affection and honesty" for is yourself.

Truth is that monogamy is the culprit. From now on, keep your own counsel and develop your "Slut" tendencies as it just means you are a sexually healthy young woman. If I could I'd pass a law that forbids couples to go steady or get married until they've had sex with a least a dozen or more people so we could have some idea what's available and what we prefer. When you have a chance, read *Sex at Dawn*. A great book about our sexual origins.

Dr.Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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beyond monogamy

Thu, 07/18/2013 - 21:02

I'm a 20 year old female and I have recently been embracing my inner slut and I have never had so much fun or felt so whole! I'm learning so much about myself and having wonderful experiences with many interesting people. Betty's books are amazing resources for empowerment and so is this: The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
hopefully the link will give you free access if you're interested 
 http://zinelibrary.info/files/The_Ethical_Slut.pdf

It's hard to be a slut these

Thu, 07/25/2013 - 01:04
melcm (not verified)

It's hard to be a slut these days its sad but I don't know one person in my circle of friends and family that has not had an std including myself.  The "H's" alone freak you out (HIV, HSV, HPV, Hep C). So while having fun and room to explore other people are awesome ideas in practice not so much. I've got a great stash of toys I work hard at my PC muscle and take care of myself. Sometimes it just feels good to get hit on and go home with your self. Good luck and be safe.

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