Lately I’ve been getting men requesting sex coaching sessions similar to the work I do with women. While I believe this kind of sex training would make a big difference for them and their partners, private hands-on sessions with a man is called “prostitution” by our government.
Unfortunately, this remains illegal although it’s a victimless crime. Even a woman doing erotic massage is flirting with John Law. You can thank our puritanical government filled with lying, phony Christians, Mormons and Jews who consistently get caught “cheating” but end up redeemed after a round of public humiliation and they promise to seek professional help.
The closest thing we have to legitimate hands-on sex teaching for men is with surrogate partners who work under the auspices of a licensed sex therapist. However that entails two fees which can become a costly burden for most men. I don’t even know a therapist on the East Coast offering surrogacy therapy or training. This affective approach seems to be more available on the West Coast. You can Google Sexual Surrogate Therapy for more information. Until America can grow up, any man who seeks sexual guidance with the kind of practical hands on therapy that I believe really works is SOL.
It amazes me to remember how I once believed the sexual double standard favored men. I now realize that most men have little to no idea how to sexually please a woman. The result is that far too many women have never had an orgasm as we are raised to believe we’ll be awakened by Mr. Right. For every pre-orgasmic woman there’s a premature ejaculating man. Still America has no adequate sexuality education available that would include pleasure and orgasms. Meanwhile men judge themselves on their sexual skills or ability to “make a woman come” and to “get the job done” with no information other than viewing porn.
The main reason porn doesn’t work as a form of sex education is because it’s entertainment for men where women are paid to perform in ways that please men. The result of this sexual double standard where men are allowed freedom and sexual mobility leaves women struggling to uncover their first orgasm. Boys are expected to explore their sex organ by masturbating as children but many girls never masturbate and as adults, most of us do not orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Or later on we finally explore our bodies to learn how to have orgasm privately during adult masturbation. This is why so many women end up faking orgasm; first to protect the male ego especially if she is dependent upon his financial support.
Of all the sexual preferences and gender variations available, it seems heterosexuality is mostly about couples committing to procreate and raise a family rather than relish the joys of sharing mutually pleasurable sexual activities that ends with orgasms for both partners. Although I have yet to discuss this in any detail, the next phase of understanding the end pleasure of orgasm is that male ejaculation and female squirting are NOT necessarily the same as having orgasm. While both are pleasurable sensations for men and women, neither one fully engages the entire body/mind. A perfect example of a sexual non event is when a man ejaculates before he has built up any sexual tension.
Even Kinsey put the length of time spent thrusting with an erect penis inside her vagina was no more than two minutes after initial penetration. That is not sufficient time for a woman to have an orgasm unless she was on the verge coming from some other form of direct clitoral stimulation with oral or manual sex. As for men, an ejaculation feels good, but how can we classify it as an orgasm when it is just a minor blip not much different than a sneeze. When we stop to think about the horrors and disappointments of first time partnersex, it’s a wonder either a boy or a girl wants to ever repeat it again. However, since sex is about procreation first and foremost, Mother Nature saw to it continuing on a regular basis with an inbuilt male sex drive to insure that animals and humans would continue to create the next generation and the next.
From the pro-creative point of view, ejaculation with an orgasm followed by a sensation of resolution is not that necessary. A man only needs to get an erection firm enough to penetrate and ejaculate inside a vagina to fulfill his male role. A woman only needs to carry her baby full term and give birth to fulfill her female role. Neither one needs to have an orgasm at any stage. Maybe that’s why so many male dominated societies think ejaculation is the same thing as having an orgasm. But many sophisticated women who squirt when their urethral sponge is being stimulated have clearly stated that it is NOT the same sensation as having an orgasm. That requires some form of direct or indirect clitoral stimulation during vaginal penetration or manual manipulation.
Let’s face it. Sexual activity that ends in orgasm for one or both partners is a luxury not a necessity. However, I continue to believe that mutually orgasmic sex has the potential for reducing violence the world over. Since the late 60’s sexual revolution, it’s my belief that ending the war between the sexes within the nuclear and extended family would begin to eliminate the breading ground for violence. In reading Sex at Dawn, the authors pointed out that some animals copulate for the shear joy of doing it like the Bonobo Chimps. These small apes have sex with every member of the group with no limitations. Having an abundance of sex and pleasure allows them to be peaceful as they share everything.
The one sexual activity both men and women have in common is the humble act of self-stimulation. It seems obvious to me that masturbation is indeed the foundation for all of sexual activity. Instead of honoring it, we turn masturbation into a dirty joke and few will admit to doing it or enjoying it or acknowledging it as the one sexual experience we can all access. At least both women and men are assured of having end pleasures with orgasm.
Masturbation is our first natural sexual activity. It’s how we learn to like our genitals and to enjoy the pleasure they can provide. The time has come for women to once again teach sex to men which was a sacred act when people worshiped a female deity. The goddess of sexual love and abundance is still available if we but acknowledge the existence of the Great Orgasmic Mother of us all and leave the vindictive male gods behind.