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I've Never Had an Orgasm

Sun, 03/17/2013 - 16:02
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I'm 17 and have been sexually active for almost 3 years now 2 of which I've been with the same partner. It shames me to say in my life I have never orgasm-ed... Or been close.  I don't know where is good to start.

My main problem on my mind is that I have never orgasm-ed in my life, but it was only in the last year or so that I heard about a woman being able to "come". I tried to research more into it and find out information cause this was the first I'd heard of such a possibility, but the info I found was misleading and I've no idea how much was true. To be honest I still don't truley believe that its possible or real. However I got so worked up on the thought that I couldn't "preform" like normal woman, that it became all I wanted, and I started to resent my partner.

I spoke to him about my issues as much as I didn't want to -cause basically how is there a nice way of saying

"you dont sexually satisfy me."

There isn't. Also I didn't want to put pressure on him to "preform" either. Before me he was a virgin, and although he enjoys sex its not the biggest part of out relationship in his eyes, but its a HUGE part in mine.

It does not help we are in a long distance relationship either, as in see each other anything from every 4-10 weeks, so you often feel lonely when you want some love. He promised me that it would get better, but it never did I could see he was trying all the time, and it was just horrible to watch his bored face or get nipped by a long nail as he badly attempts to pleasure me after he's done. I just gave up on the idea all together, but its haunting me.

Never really forgetting what I really want to feel - just once- I keep looking into it, asking friends, reading fiction, films, TV etc and it just sparks the fact I want it so badly...

I get jealous of my friends, the TV and fictional characters, so I tried to push my 'un-normal-ness' and desires aside feeling they were an unreachable goal. However its eating me up inside again recently.

I don't want to tell my partner why I'm so glum somtimes - when I think about my lack of ability to please myself- cause I know it will put pressure on myself and him. Its not what I want, I just want it to be good.

I love my man in all ways apart from sex, and its tearing me away from him. It simply isn't good, and when we are together I resent him for 1. not lasting long enough 2. having an orgasm when before im finished/right in the middle of fun, then 3. his lack of interest after he is finished... He gets tired and often falls asleep leaving me turned on, but miserably disheartened.

I really feel in a rut, I understand I'm young, but now I feel i'm no good in bed. I don't want to have sex because I know i'm never going to enjoy it to its full potential and my partners pleasure suffers cause I don't want to give him a blowjob etc... I feel selfish and lost... and its tearing me apart from the only person I truly trust, as i'm selective about my friends and people I trust. Very selective.

My supressed desires are how I found out about your website. Loooking again into how to orgasm. I understand its not easy, but im so worked up about it... oh its a big mess.

I doubt you can help, but anything would be appreciated.

Thank you so much.

Dear K,

You and a gazillion other teens have never experienced an orgasm, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and start learning. All the information you need is on our website there for you. We begin to learn about our sexuality when we explore our own bodies with masturbation. That's whats missing.

Our pitiful education system does NOT factor in sexual pleasure. Enter dodsonandross. I'm sending you links to the info you need. And stop blaming your boyfriend for your failure to have discovered your own sexual response due to your lack of masturbation- the foundation for all human sexuality.

Dr. Betty

We Suggest: 
First Time Orgasm
How To Use Betty's Vaginal Barbell
Learn to Orgasm in Four Acts (eBook)
Awakening the Clitoris
Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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K, I have been with my man

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 01:52
Norchez

K,
I have been with my man since I was 16. I am now 44 and had my first orgasm last fall. (See it could be worse.) I too thought that orgasm was a feeling I just couldn't have. It was not his fault that I didn't know how to have one. But it was because of him giving me a vibrator that I found out how to have one, and yes they do exist but not like in the movies. When your young everything feels desparete I know but you can think about pleasuring him too (just start the rest is easy.) and give him a break he's still learning just like you are. And from what you described he is not unusual. I enjoy sex with my husband and have my orgasms by myself. Try to be patient, like they say it's the journey and the real conections we make on it not the destination or just the orgasms. With your desire I'm sure you'll get there.

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