Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hello Betty,

I was raised in a very sex-negative, abusive environment, and was then raped repeatedly when I was 14 while in a domestically abusive relationship for about 5 months.

I feel that I have grown through a large portion of all of this, however I still can feel an overlaying disgust is the best word for it, that I feel about sex and sexual interaction. Needless to say, I hate it and my husband hates it too.

What would you suggest for a plan to overwrite the sex-negative perspective I have to form a new powerful sex-positive perspective?

Thank you!

Dear L,

Thanks to the internet and a more open communication about human sexuality, I'd say that some form of sexual abuse is simply par for the course! As long as organized religions get to determine sexual morality based on ignorance and lack of sexuality education, especially the prohibition of masturbation, we are all victims to one degree or other. I know there are a few good books dealing with sexual abuse and recovery. Sorry I don't have the titles handy but you can easily find them with a little research.

However, in some ways, I feel that reading and therapy might simply dig the rut deeper by constantly revisiting the abuse. Instead, I'd see each orgasm you enjoy alone or with your partner as a good way to overwrite those negative memories. Stay focused on the growth you've experienced and continue to log in many more happy orgasms until they drown out most of those negative memories. Given society's ridiculous response to sex and pleasure, in a sense we are all sexually abused in one form or another. Pleasure is the best healer.

Dr. Betty

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