I am a 20-year-old female and I have been having sex with an 18-year-old male for about 5 months. Today I asked him if he thought my vagina was loose or tight. I know, wrong question to ask, right? Just opening a can of worms... He told me that I felt loose, except for when I purposefully tense up my vaginal muscles. He told me that he had "wiggle room" inside of me and that I felt "flexible."
Hearing my boyfriend tell me plainly that I felt loose was very upsetting for me. He's a great guy with very limited sexual experience- no porn (fortunately), and no experience masturbating (unfortunately). It's like I'm having sex with a completely blank canvas, which is great because I get to educate him on female sexuality.
When I insert my finger into my vagina my vaginal walls do engulf my finger, but it doesn't feel tight at all unless I squeeze my vaginal walls together on purpose.
Society has told me that my vagina should be tight because I'm a young woman with limited sexual experiences. Are young women supposed to have tight vaginas when having procreative intercourse? Is this "young girls should have tight vaginas" message a myth?
Thank you so much for all that you do,
Well, we agree that your 18 year old inexperienced non masturbating lover was the wrong person to give you feedback. However, you were smart to insert your own finger and judge for yourself. As far as I know, there is no scale to measure a woman's vagina as tight or loose. We know vaginas have the strength to push out a baby so it's just a matter of getting in touch with your vaginal muscles and learning how to use them for our pleasure as well as a partner.
His dick might be small or more likely, you are not sufficiently aroused which plumps up our vaginal tissue as it fills up with blood, It's our female erection. I'm sending you a link of me drawing the internal clitoris that shows women have nearly as much erectile tissue as men.
Our erection is mostly on the inside except for our clitoris and inner lips that become erect or plump as they fill up with blood. Using your PC or pelvic floor muscle is important for your benefit as well as your partner. I suggest you start to consciously work that muscle during masturbation as well as when you're having sex with a lover. To locate the muscle just stop the flow of urine and release it several times. More links to get you started on improving your orgasms for YOUR benefit that will naturally spill over into sex with a partner.