Home » Blogs » Betty Dodson's blog

Embarrassed By My Tuberous Breasts

Wed, 01/09/2013 - 11:06
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hello Betty,

You and Carlin made a video response to a submission I made quite some time ago about not being able to take off my bra during sex (titled "I simply can't take off my bra during sex"). I have made some progress but would like to inquire further about specific steps I should take in un-learning my extremely negative attitude towards my chest.

I think it would help if you knew more about why I began to feel this way. I will start off by first off saying that I've always been somewhat self conscious of my breasts. I honestly am repulsed by the sight of them. They are very small and somewhat pointy (unless it's cold or I am aroused). It's just so difficult to undo a lifetime of being conditioned by society to believe that a woman's worth lies in her sexual attractiveness, and that this attractiveness lies underneath her bra, and furthermore, that breasts must look a certain way to be found desirable. In addition, I have always viewed breasts as a symbol of womanhood, and do not feel very much like a woman at all in my body (I stand at a mere 5'2 and have a very young looking, petite frame).

However, my issues with my body reached their climax when I became sexually active, which was at age 18. My first partner was my high school boyfriend, and he was a self-confessed "boob man" who admitted to me at one point that my breasts were the one thing on my body that he would change. I became extremely inhibited during sex after this, and I'm afraid to say that this attitude has not improved much since.

I am now 21 years old and still suffer from extreme anxiety during sex. I am able to take my bra off at times, but the act of barring my chest to a partner is so difficult and triggering that I still would prefer to leave it on most of the time just so that I can relax enough to actually enjoy what is happening. It is a shame, I know, and what makes it even more of a shame is that I actually do really enjoy nipple stimulation but am so ashamed of my breasts that I rarely let my partners look at or touch them. Every time my bra comes off with a partner a strong feeling of inadequacy sweeps over me and I become fearful that my partner will be disappointed or even turned off by them. This anxiety is so strong that I have even been brought to tears at the attempt to show my partner my breasts before.

It remains a mystery to me why I cannot get over this hurdle. I have slept with five other men since my first partner, and none of them ever had anything negative to say about my breasts. Yet I am still scarred from my first experience.

I will finally say that my insecurities do not stem from the fear that I am not attractive. I have been told by many that I am a pretty girl, and I can believe that. I cannot come to believe, however, that I am "sexually desirable" or "womanly". All of my partners have tried telling me how much I turn them on and how sexy they find me, but these words of encouragement have proven futile as I always credit kind words like this to them not wanting to hurt my feelings.

I really do want to unlearn this toxic relationship I have with my body. From what I've told you I'm sure you can see that it is no fun at all and certainly no way to live. I'm just lost as to how exactly I go about coming to terms with my shape. I'm an intelligent young woman yet I am completely clueless as to why I can't seem to get past this.

D

Dear D,

Every time you repeat this same story about your poor itsy bitsy tiny titties, you are digging your neurotic trench deeper. Where is your anger? How dare some kid tell you what is and is not OK with your body! Stop being a victim and be responsibile for your feelings.

Since you are so affected by other people's opinion of you, I suggest you begin each day by standing in front of a mirror that reflects your nude body and express your own opinion. Say out loud whatever sentence that feels right for you. More than once for as long as it takes to re-condition your mind about the appearance of your body.

For instance: Name whatever you like best about your body and describe it). An example is "I love my face, neck or hair" Then move down to "My adorable perky breasts match the rest of my small well proportioned body". Find your own wording and then continue. Do this ritual until you undo your mental block. When we continue to hold onto a negative idea of something, it begins to control us.

Performing this daily ritual will begin to fill the negative rut of self-deprecation which has become a habit. Positive re-enforcement will work if you do it. Within a week you'll see a difference after using your new mantra daily or several times. Then get back to me and tell me about your self image improvement.  Instead of feeling badly about your body you can embrace yourself just in time for the New Year.

Dr. Betty

Hello Betty,

I apologize if I sound like a walking pity party. I know I might sound like I am exaggerating, but from what I have read I actually think I might suffer from a congenital deformity called "tuberous breasts". A quick google search of what these kind of breasts look like should show you why I am having so much difficulty.

D

Dear D,

I admire you for continuing to search for an answer. And I appreciate the fact that I learn something new everyday. Thanks for clarifying your situation.

I checked out Dr. Coleman's website with great photos of Tubular breasts, and once again, one picture was worth a thousand words.

http://www.lipostructure.com/tuberous-breasts

His solution was to inject fat to fill out the underpart of the breast, not as intrusive as a breast augmentation. One image I found appealing was a young woman who had beautiful large nipples with not much breast tissue around it: she was all nipple! The other image of breasts in a tubular shape was unpleasant but not horrible unless you were the girl who owned them.

It seems you now have two choices. One approach would be to explain to a boyfriend that you have a congenital deformity called tuberous breasts. Trying to hide your problem behind a bra will make it worse. Once spoken it will take some of your embarrassment away. Most guys are primarily focused on nipples anyway which you have in abundance. The other approach would be to see a surgeon and get the fat injections to fill out your breasts. Thanks for getting back to me so I can become better informed.

Dr. Betty

We Suggest: 
Aroused Breasts, The New Videos, Threesome Ideas, and Condom and Sex Technique Fine Tuning
"I'm Hard-wired to Look at Your Breasts"
I Simply Can't Take Off My Bra During Sex
Breasts are Ok But Bush Gets a Black Bar
Liberating women one orgasm at a time

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

'Deformity' or natural variation?

Thu, 01/10/2013 - 01:22
Patrick_R

I went to Dr Coleman's site and was immediately struck by the highly negative language used to describe the pre-surgery breasts of his patients: 'deformity'; 'misshapen; 'abnormality'; 'unnatural'. He uses words like this again and again. Are these 'before' pictures really pictures of 'deformity', or just photos of women whose breasts are a bit different but not all that unusual? Is this anything like what prospective labiaplasty patients are told? If a young woman who had always felt fine about her breasts was suddenly told that she was 'misshapen' and 'abnormal', she might indeed develop a complex about her body. I have seen women with breasts like those of Dr Coleman's patients and it never occurred to me that anything was wrong.

I also don't think that a plastic surgeon who makes money from these procedures is necessarily the most objective source of information. I sympathize with people who are unhappy about their appearance and who want to feel better about themselves. For some women, surgery might be an option they would wish to consider if they're truly miserable, and that's their choice. However, I strongly object to these attempts to magnify a person's self-doubt and self-consciousness about her body.

Tubular breasts

Thu, 01/10/2013 - 08:11
Robyne

 D, although your problem is one of deformity, may I offer some sympathy as someone with the opposite problem? My breasts are a huge, ugly 34K size ( UK sizing) and as I'm only 5ft 3 they hang down to my waist. I'm 57 and have been married 29 years ( the only relationship I've ever had) and guess what? My husband isn't interested in breasts or nipples and isn't turned on by them at all. He told me right from the early days that he prefers flat-chested women, and indeed has never paid more than scant attention to my breasts during lovemaking.But he chose me and is still with me.

He may be exceptional, but this proves that a woman's sexuality  is not defined by her breasts alone. I wish, actually, that our Western culture was more like those sensible cultures, like in Africa, where breasts are regarded correctly in their proper function of feeding babies and not seen as sexual at all. Wouldn't that be great?

I wish you all the best and hope you will soon feel happier. If it's any comfort, following from my experience with my husband, if I ever began a new relationship I wouldn't want to remove my bra in bed either, in case he thought that my breasts were ugly.  xx

For what it's worth I truly

Thu, 01/10/2013 - 08:43
camillala

For what it's worth I truly agree with Patrick R. I've seen quite a lot of people with breast like the ones on Dr Coleman's site it has never ever occurred to me that those could be "deformed". They're just breast and they look different. Just like vulvas. And the likeness with what prospective labiaplasty patients are told is definitely there.

I wish you all the best, D, and hope that you'll find a way to be rid of this anxiety around sex and your breasts. (Therapy helped me a lot when I was your age and needed to look at my relationship to myself.)

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.