How Could I be Penetrated & Still Have a Hymen?

Thu, 10/18/2012 - 07:45
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I was raped as a child on more than one occasion. I don't know exactly how many times, because not all of the memories are clear, but they all took place within the same couple of months. I didn't tell anyone for years, so it wasn't in my medical file, and I hid it even from my family.

Anyway, when I grew up and started trying to have sex, I couldn't because it seemed like there was some kind of blockage. I went to have it checked out, and the doctor I saw told me that my hymen was just a little thicker than usual and that I should have it surgically removed. This shocked me. How could my hymen still be present after childhood rapes? During the rapes he was all the way inside me, and the pain was excruciating, it felt like there was a lot of tearing and there was blood afterwards.

I assumed that my hymen would be long gone. I was hoping that with your knowledge about the female body and the hymen, you would have an answer about this. My doctor is male and I don't feel comfortable talking about my abuse with him. How could I be penetrated as a child, but not as an adult? Did my hymen reform? Is that even possible? How could this happen? Was my hymen thickened by scar tissue or something?

Dear S,

It's my belief we put way too much emphasis on a hymen. Some of us never had one to break open. I have no memory of a hymen other than in high school when we decided to use tampons instead of pads. I remember the discomfort but no excessive pain. Or it happened so gradually I never noticed. I'm sorry to hear you still cannot discuss your childhood rape experience even with your doctor. Not that they would understand but in this one instance it was relative to your doctors diagnosis. Before having what ever is there opened surgically, I'd get a second opinion.

Although you didn't mention your age, like most people you believe sex is vaginal penetration and nothing else counts. Unless you want to get pregnant, there are many other forms of sexual pleasure beginning with masturbation. I do hope you have experimented with giving yourself orgasms from clitoral stimulation before you get consensually raped by a young man who doesn't know what he's doing. I suggest all girls be the first ones to penetrate their own vaginas. Putting your own fingers in there while looking into a free standing mirror under a good light would be very beneficial. Notice how we turn our bodies over to so-called "experts" when we are our the best experts when it comes to our own body.

I encourage you to claim your sexual body as your own and began having orgasms with yourself before you venture into the scary world of heterosexuality where women and men have few if any sexual skills. I'm going to include links to get you started on a path of educating yourself sexually. Every orgasm you have with yourself will heal you from your childhood rape as you reclaim your body for your own pleasure.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Long text - No answer.

Fri, 07/03/2015 - 17:06
R.H. (not verified)

Dear Betty,
You did not answer a single of the person's questions:

  1. "How could I be penetrated as a child, but not as an adult?"
  2. "Did my hymen reform? Is that even possible?"
  3. "How could this happen?"
  4. "Was my hymen thickened by scar tissue or something?"

You just told her to masturbate.
If my mother asked me a question, two questions, and I told her "Just go cook dinner..." - I would have been very impolite.
At the very least, you could have told the poor soul you couldn't/wouldn't answer. As a form of respect.

"Yes, it is possible. / No, it isn't possible. / I don't know the answer. / I choose not to answer."

Those are the four possible options to answer the questions that were indeed asked.
Then, you could give her the advice "to just go masturbate, and lose her virginity to herself".

With all due respect,
R.

This women sounds like a misandrist moron

Tue, 09/15/2015 - 05:37
Chan (not verified)

What a doctor who cannot answer properly

Beware of experts...

Hopeful

Tue, 09/15/2015 - 17:20

Sometimes I wish that we could see more feedback from the people who post on this site, to understand what happened next. I would love to hear how S has moved forward from such a dreadful position, raped as a child, just beginning to come to terms and try to establish her own sexuality.

I am hopeful that life has got better for S. I am confident that Betty's advice helped. Certainly it could not have harmed. We all need to love ourselves a bit more. Getting to know our own bodies, our own sexual response is essential to a positive sexual experience.

All we know she believed 'there was some kind of blockage'...

Wed, 09/16/2015 - 12:32
Lizzie Smith (not verified)

Dr Betty's answer is well put together and wise, and it is obviously based on understanding the question more deeply than her critics.
A) Firstly, how do we know for sure the hymen of S truly was broken in the childhood rapes?
We only have the shocked questioner S's hypothesis based on her then underage, unexperienced self-reasoning.
The hymen may have been gone, broken partially, or not at all, even though there definitely was blood and severe pain (also psychological) during and after the childhood rapes.
One thing is fairly common ground, though. A hymen does not usually grow back after it has been broken. 
B) How do we know, later in life, when S started having PIV sex, what exactly it was that caused S to write:  '...there seemed to be some kind of blockage'?
- Was it S herself who noticed the feeling of blockage?
- Or was it the male partner saying there's 'something blocking me, cannot do it'. when trying to penetrate her?
Dr. Betty, does not make any definite assumptions of the facts, since many scenarios from psychological to muscular to interpersonal can be possible.
For example, if a man does not succeed in the attempted penetration and prematurely ejaculates or loses otherwise his erection, he very often does not want to admit this fact to the female partner.
Instead, the male quickly finds fault in the female, she may be too tight, too loose, have a thick hymen, whatever, that allows the male not lose face.
If the girl is not very experienced and maybe also subconsciously traumatized because of earlier rape-memories, she buys into these faulty suggestions of the guy.
It is easy to convince a woman the problem is in(side) her rather than in the circumstances or him.
C) So far we have only one doctor's opinion of the potential hymen and the need of surgical operation to remove it.
This doctor must have been an honest person, we hope.
Listening carefully to the patient S this medical professional could clearly see S was herself convinced she has a hymen or, at least 'something was blocking' the piv-penetration.
It's not surprising the doctor then in examination finds something physical to confirm the patient's story.
This would not be the first time a doctor decides it is best to buy the script of the paying customer, and administer a relatively harmless cure (get it surgically removed) that will help both an imaginary and a real condition plus the surgeon's wallet.
So, Dr. Betty's suggestion to take another medical opinion before the operation and, penetrating oneself during masturbation, were to the point. 
The question of S revealed a general ignorance of possibilities for a woman to enjoy sexual pleasure. By stressing the importance of hymen was telling of not being familiar with the bigger picture quite yet.
The answer of Dr B. to this multi-leveled ignorance was an informative, brilliant piece of writing.
The two overly critical commentators missed the mark and failed miserably in trying to justify their scorn. 
L.S.

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