I Masturbated in Church. Now It Hurts When I Touch Myself.

Mon, 09/24/2012 - 08:30
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I have a few questions all of them relating to masturbating.

First, I was raised in a Christian home where my church declares such practices as masturbation as being sinful. When I was thirteen I attended an all-girls Christian camp where this engrained in my brain that good girls do not masturbate. However, in the bible there are not specific references that say it’s a wrong act and another thing that always bothered me was if God did not want women to masturbate why would He give women a clitoris? Well, this story gets interesting when two months ago I was talking with one of my guy friends who also attended an all-boys camp Christian camp and he claimed that they were encouraged to masturbate just not look at porn. Now that completely had me angry and confused. How can the church allow for one sex to masturbate and deny it for another?

So I said to hell with this, and decided that I am going to masturbate because I have every right to and it really is no one else’s business what I do in the privacy of my home. Yet that in itself was a bit of a challenge cause the first few times I had no idea what I was doing. I literally had no idea where my clitoris was. So I went on to Google and did some research. Yet despite my new found confidence I cannot help but feel what I am doing is wrong and dirty. Well the question is how do I stop myself from feeling like I am disgusting and wrong for doing something that is completely natural?

Next question, when I am masturbating it is typically on my back and that night it feels amazing but then the next morning my back is killing me. Now I have tried putting extra pillows to support my back but that does not work. I have tried being on my side but that not only makes my back hurt but my side as well. So my questions are there any other position that I can do that will stop the back pain?

Another question, the morning after I have spent the evening masturbating (I like to do it at night for the ambiance) my clitoris feels like it is on fire and every step that I take I am reminded of it. Not only does it feel like it’s on fire but it's throbbing throughout the whole day. Is this normal? Are there things I can do to prevent this type of painful sensation from happening?

Last question, I have never reached an orgasm while masturbating and I am wondering if I am doing something wrong. I will get moments of absolute sensitivity and feel like I might come but then it goes away. From my research from Google and your website tells is that those moments of sensitivity are smaller orgasm and I do not realize it. So when will I know I have had an actually full blown orgasm or do those not exist?

So sorry for all the writing and questions but I really do not have anyone to talk to about this topic. All of my close friends are Christians who believe that this is a dirty act so I obviously can not go to them. I would rather die 10 times over before asking my mother or any other relative these types of questions.

Can't wait to hear back from you.

Dear T,

Congratulations on claiming your sexuality. Christians who go against the divine function of sex and pleasure are completely misguided. Very ancient religious rituals and practices were based upon celebrating sex. But the modern church condemned sex because it was the best means of controlling the congregation.

Making all sexual practices besides a monogamous marriage a sin meant a vast number of believers were guilty. These sinners had to ask for salvation from a priest (or minister) who was the only one with a direct wire to God. Guilt is the most effective way to control large groups by an ordained few. It will eventually destroy "true believers" as more and more religious leaders fall from grace in the arms of a prostitute or young alter boys.

For the life of me I cannot understand how stimulating your clitoris can cause what you claim; "the next morning my back is killing me." You will have to describe your entire process in detail in order for me to understand. Are you arching your back throughout the entire session? How long do you spend stimulating your clitoris and what kind of stimulation are you using?

Practice and pleasure will heal your thoughts of "feeling like I am disgusting and wrong for doing something that is completely natural?" Just remember your religious conditioning went on for a significant amount of time. It stands to reason that it will take some time to reverse this. Pick a Mantra ( a sentence that you can repeat after every session of practicing pleasure) like "God wants me to enjoy the body he gave me." Or turn god into a goddess: "The Great Orgasmic Mother of us all" approves of masturbating to orgasm and loves me."

I will include links on how to practice masturbation. It's a skill that must be learned and practiced. Give yourself some time to heal all the misinformation the church has put into your mind. As I said, practice and pleasure with orgasms is your healing.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Masturbationis only good when

Mon, 10/01/2012 - 13:45
Alex R (not verified)

Masturbationis only good when performed as an act of selflove. If you do this as an act of protest or for the hate of something etc, I'd call it a sin, or at list you

never make yourself feel really good this way. So change your intention, treat

yourself with tenderness you deserve and of course continue to be explorative

to find what's feels better. Alternatively you can give up masturbating for a


Not helpful

Mon, 03/31/2014 - 14:03
EmmieRR (not verified)

How was this was meant to be helpful? I can't believe that you are held up as an expert on this topic. Your diatribe against religion generally was just unecessary. Say what you like about the practices of this one church but not every church is the same or teaches the same things. The religious history "lesson" (not really your area of expertise and just unsubstantiated opinion) is irrelevant to this woman's problem. This isn't your opportunity to promote your own spiritual (or anti-religion) agenda but to help someone. You have said nothing to help this woman. In fact, the comment posted by Alex R was much more helpful. You should give her your job.

In a world of broken people

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 04:05

In a world of broken people Betty Dodson is a healer. Her advice to take some time and especially the practical "how to" links re: masturbation were excellent. Alex R's comments were lovely and I do hope that T is now in a better place.

EmmieRR - Like you I come from a healthy supportive religious background but looking through the many letters Betty deals with on this site it becomes clear that there are still a lot of religious organisations out here that are deeply damaging to young people. Every week there seems to be someone writing in describing real unhappiness and confusion. Betty's attitude towards organised religion is entirely understandable in that context.

It's also true (and sad) to say that the history of the christian church (my church)  with regard to the role of women, sex shaming & control and diversity of gender roles has been apalling. I'm hopeful that we're moving to a better place but it's pointless to deny  the past. I just wish it was safely in the past for everyone.

Wishing you well.