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New Partner Makes It Difficult to Come During Sex

Wed, 08/15/2012 - 16:17
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I've been seeing my current partner for almost 4 months. I'm very happy with him & enjoy being close with him (sexually & otherwise) - but I haven't been able to cum yet (without using my hands while he fucks me, which is not as satisfying to me or him). I've been able to cum with other partners during oral sex & from fucking (as long as the angle of our hips stimulates my clit), but I can't seem to figure it out with my current guy. I'm also not *very* experienced & not entirely certain how to direct him.

He's incredibly patient, attentive & willing to try anything. We've tried some new positions that have helped get me a little closer. But we're both feeling a little frustrated. The only thing I can think of that might be contributing to our problem is that he's a bit smaller than the other men I've been with (he's very thin, with narrow hips & his penis is on the thin side, too. I usually love missionary, but he's so thin that his hip bones hurt me!). Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Dear N,

I'm reminded of what a struggle I had when I felt obliged to orgasm from intercourse alone. Hit or miss was fairly consistent and it stayed that way until I let go of the idea altogether. Why so many women hesitate to include our primary sex organ of pleasure THE CLITORIS during vaginal penetration is a hangover from Victorian times.

You actually answered your own question when you said, "he's a bit smaller than the other men I've been with (he's very thin, with narrow hips & his penis is on the thin side, too. I usually love missionary, but he's so thin that his hip bones hurt me!)."

Now all you have to do is use your fingers to stimulate your clitoris or get on top of him. But even then, his thin penis still might be a problem. That's what I finally discovered. In order to come from intercourse, a whole series of elements had to be in place. As I look back, I realize what a ridiculous struggle it was and for what? To make Dr. Sigmund Freud happy? I finally decided to make my lover and me happy instead.

Dr. Betty

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What's wrong with fingers or toys?

Wed, 08/15/2012 - 20:14
Heylin

I really don't understand what is not satisfying about a combo orgasm. I've had a partner where our hip bones lined up perfectly and I had many orgasms that way. Currently neither my husband or I see anything wrong with adding direct clit stim to intercourse. Now, what works for me won't work for anyone but if this is the only way you can orgasm, why not embrace it? Have him watch you and maybe give a hand during intercourse. Go to a sex shop and purchase a toy or 3 to use together. Instead of making sex a chore, just have fun.
Happy orgasms!

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