Hello Dr. Betty,
First I would like to say that I love your work and admire what you're achieving worldwide. :) I'm a big fan and one of your avid readers!
Now, to my question: I'm 23 years old and have been married for 3 years; I love my husband but our sex life is greatly lacking. I'm growing more and more unhappy with it as time goes by, and thus, unhappy with the marriage. My issue is that I've recently met a lovely young man online, and we've began chatting and talking sex quite openly. I'm wondering if I should make this an affair and go for it or if that is a bad idea and would ruin my marriage. I'm very sexually and emotionally attracted to this new young man, and was wondering what you think.
Would this be a good experience for me, or should I end all of it right away? I'd rather keep this private from my husband for the time being.
Thank you so much!
Getting married at 20 is so young. You had no time to explore sex with others. If you're unhappy now after 3 years, what will it be like in 10 years? You ask, " I'm wondering if I should make this an affair and go for it or is it a bad idea and might ruin my marriage." Since you are already unhappy with your marital sex, what do you think might get ruined with an extra-marital affair? Your husband finds out and divorces you?
My preference is to always be upfront and discuss this with him first. Perhaps you could both reach an agreement to date other people occasionally. Or he could make an effort to work on improving his sexual skills by seeing a sex coach. We know that extra-marital affairs are quite common and perhaps actually necessary to keep many marriages functioning. The concept of marital fidelity via sexual monogamy works for very few couples. But I don't have enough information to guide you here. Let me know what you decide.