Dear Dr. Betty,
First of all, I'd like to thank you (and your team) for creating this sex-positive environment. Up until a few months ago, I thought I was the only one who couldn't reach orgasm without having to stretch out my legs. I'm 27 years old and have been masturbating since I was 14-15. I realize now that it started out earlier when rubbing my clit on my bycicle seat when I was 6 or so. My mother isn't very prudish, and sex isn't/wasn't a taboo... but masturbation is.
Also, I slept in the room right next to my (10 and 8 years younger) sisters, so I always felt I had to be quiet. The explanation of the tension orgasm (that it's a leftover from teen-masturbation) totally made sense to me. Now you might wonder, she's 27, why is she only finding this out now? Well, up till last year, I hadn't had sex with anyone else but myself. But things have changed (finally! oh joy!), and though my sexual partner is very patient and we've found a position from which I can reach orgasm with penetration, I would very much like to reach an orgasm without having to stretch out my legs.
This very long message (sorry!) actually ends with a simple question: how long does the build-up take to reach a tension AND relaxation orgasm? I'm so used to being able to orgasm quickly, and I'm a bit impatient by nature as well, that I was wondering if maybe I was following your guidelines the wrong way. Or if I just need to be more patient and practice more.
Either way, thank you Betty, for opening up a whole new realm of possibilities =D
There is no specific time frame for any orgasm. However the longer you take to build up sexual excitement, the bigger the response will be. So take your time getting turned on and let the good feelings grow before you let it go. However we masturbate is what we incorporate into sex with a lover. Remember, when you improve your masturbation technique, that will automatically get carried over into your partner sex. You are well on your way. Congratulations!