Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Amen. As long as he doesn't do his half of the work with the kids and home, he's got absolutely nothing to complain about.

I think Dr Betty is exactly right on this question. Besides everything else she notes, I wonder if birth control is also an issue. You and your wife have had two children in a very short time. Especially if you don't use a reliable or convenient method of contraception, I think it's possible that she's avoiding sex partly because she knows she just couldn't handle another pregnancy right now.

absolutely men have to understand that when their women are holding the children, breastfeeding the children, protecting the children, their interest in having sex is just about zero. Correct, this is not personal towards rejection of their men but virtually impossible to expect from a new mom.
Rather than offer suggestions, new toys, etc. take care of your own needs, take care of her need for comfort and rest, and just chill. whether she ever returns to the sex kitten of yore is unknowable.  The fact is that she may but only in connection to what you do to "deserve " it.  Reap what you sow.  She birthed you two babies now make her your baby. Succor her and adore her and you're likely to have the playmate you once had ---  always with the reservations required when there are children around to grow and to make first on the list.
sorry, this takes time and devotion.

I also note that the second child is only a month old... most women don't get clearance from their doctors to have sex until 6 weeks. I get that this has been an issue for this guy for a couple of years now, but she has been pregnant or postpartum for half of that time (and being pregnant while parenting a toddler is a completely different animal than being pregnant with a first child).
I think you gave this fellow excellent advice, Betty, and in far more gracious a tone than I would have managed.

Kasini. I noted that, too.
But the great news is, if he too starts getting up in the middle of the night to feed and comfort for x number of hours, he will be too exhausted for sex as well. Problem solved!

That's true, most doctors do want women to wait 6 weeks until having intercourse again. One month old babies require round the clock care, I'm pretty sure when my kids were that young, hubby and I both valued a full night's sleep over nookie. And 2 year olds are a handful, and sometimes their molars are coming in at that age and it's sleepless nights all around. Also does she have stitches from either a vaginal delivery or C-section? I like sex, but I like a full night's sleep more.

Betty.  You're awesome, but I feel you are missing a lot, especially "looking to the future".  I did a google search on how to help my wife regain her libido.  Alot of garbage out there.  When I saw a Betty Dodson link I LEAPED at it.  And I got this?
I'm in a similar situation as OP.  But 1 boy who is now 3.  I'm the stay at home dad.  So parenting pressures?  I was the one who got up at night to bottle feed.  I change the majority of nappies whilst my wife went through post-natal depression.
 Since my boy (who I love to bits) has come along, sex is now once every 3 months if I'm lucky.  She refuses to talk about masturbation.  I do know she *occassionally* masturbates, but it's a thing of guilt.  She tries to hide it.

How do I encourage her?  Even just to talk about it?  I've tried being open.  I've tried to be reassuring.  She mentions how guilty she feels, and I try to be reassuring.  But I'm nearly at my wits end.

I love my wife and son dearly.  More than anything.  But the only action I get is with my hand.  It's a significant part of my depression.  And it feels like catch 22.  I feel I have to hide it from her because I don't want Guilt Sex.  I want real loving sex.

So..  Please answer the OP's question.  It'll answer mine (and those others that fine this post through google).  You've answered his *NOW* question.  But what about his 6 months answer?  12 months?

Sorry to be blunt and rough in my answer.  But I'm nearly in tears trying to get answers.  I'm loyal to my wife and she's loyal to me.  But I'm feeling neglected and without answers.  And my wife has none.

Dave

If you think your wife will give you "guilt sex" than go for it. Chances are you'll both have fun. A lot of times I have to stamp my feet and pout in order to get my husband to give me some but once we're in the swing of things, neither of us are complaining. Maybe you two can agree to sex on a schedule, start with once a week. Hubby and I have differing sex drives so we compromise on what works.
Are there other issues that need addressing?
Good luck. Once every 3 months is pretty bad. I told hubby I was ready for an affair when we got to once a month. (I never had an affair, but I was pretty starved for intimacy at that point!)

Back home I would often hear the expression;"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink!"  Only your wife can change her attitude toward sex, so for now, let it be. Your situation is quite universal and there is no pill that will get her interested in sex. Someone mentioned she might fear another pregnancy or deeply resent that she now has the burden of raising two children with an unhappy husband to deal with. How about the two of you taking a sex vacation and sign up for a couples workshop. Or consider seeing a relationship therapist.
The only magic that might work is the Magic Wand Vibrator. For massage at first. Offer to give her a massage with NO demand for sex. Then when she doses off, get out your Willy and fuck your new Fleshlight. Guys love this sex toy. You must consider ways to be pro-active rather than just feeling sorry for yourself. As a last resort, if you simply must put your dick inside a woman's vagina, hire a professional sex worker. Your wife would most likely support the idea. Just remember, this too shall pass. Nothing stays the same.
Dr. Betty

There have been several good suggestions here. I especially like Dr Betty's ideas of seeing a relationship therapist or attending a couples workshop. It's so hard for most couples to openly discuss these painful questions! A trained third party can speak to both spouses individually and then together, getting the real story behind the avoidance, depression, and guilt. The therapist will probably suggest mutual exercises that don't jump into instant sex, but rather let the couple enjoy sensual touching at first, progressing towards sex as things go on. Any snags or setbacks can be openly discussed in the therapist's office and resolved.

I wouldn't be surprised if your wife might still be suffering from post-partum depression, and you're depressed now as well. A good therapist can help with getting the depression resolved so that it doesn't continue to drag down your lives. Good luck.

I actually think Patrick had an excellent response.
Sex with children in the house is definitely a challenge. But not an insurmountable one.
So prehaps there are other issues with Dave and his wife that need to be addressed by someone trained and licensed in such things? Definitely won't hurt.
Since there are children involved with both of these marriages, I hope these problems work out.

All of this input has been great.  My wife and I have two kids, 1.5 and 3.5 yrs.  She is at a place where she has no sex drive but will masturbate with her toys.  She says she is very sensitive to touch (not in a good way) and nothing I do feels good anymore.  I used to love kissing her whole body, using my hands on her and going down.  Now, she just lays there until I stop and says that "we should hurry" to the sex.  
I understand that dealing with kids is tough and I try to be aware of that when I ask for sex.  My real concern is that we are growing apart in terms of affection.  We couldn't keep our hands off one another and now she hates to be touched or looked at.  She is beautiful and I am not groping her but instead looking for a hug.  This is met with "ouches" and rolled eyes.
I'm not the kind to cheat but I fear that we are entering an area for which we'll never be able to return.  I don't want this to be how we end our marriage.  I am really beginning to resent her and am unable to have fun with her like I used to.  Even when she tries I feel she is placating me and it feels insincere.  That just reminds me of what we no longer have.

Sorry for venting!