My wife and I have been married for almost five years and have two beautiful daughters an almost two year old and a one month old. Our sex life has been very hit and miss and I get the impression that my wife goes along with sex out of obligation. The first three years of marriage we had great sex and she orgasmed very easily, we tried lots of things and all went well most of the time.
I have spoken with her about the lack of enthusiasm she shows toward sex and her own sex life i.e her masturbation habits which are non-existent. She gets defensive and says the sex we had was to good? and she doesn't want it very often (every two weeks or longer) she says she doesn't like to initiate sex and tells me to do my thing. She used to be supportive of using toys and I have tried to let her know that if she wants one to buy it. I have several toys and I like them alot, I don't like them more then her but it's nice to have options is this wrong?
I have tried to follow your personal rule Dr. Betty and I believe that is to take care of your lover above yourself. I don't know what to do, I must have done something very wrong because this is not working. Thank you for your time Dr.Betty.
This is the part about marriage no one mentions. When the kids come, sex goes for a while. You haven't done anything wrong except not to fully understand the role your wife plays as a new "Mother." It isn't easy to maintain an active sexlife especially after children enter the picture. She is now dealing with a 2 year old (the terrible two's) and a new one month old baby! That's an enormous amount of energy expenditure. I'm going to suggest you back off for now.
When you say you are following my rule of "take care of your lover above yourself" right now, your lover has her hands full with child rearing and the usual domestic chores. Instead of bugging her about getting more toys or improving her masturbation or wondering why she isn't interested in having sex with you, a night off would do wonders for her. No sex. Just a quiet dinner in a peaceful setting. Or you offering to take over some of the domestic chores or child care on a regular basis is the best foreplay I can think of for now.
For many reasons, men just don't get what a huge responsibility a woman has when it comes to all this. I think a big reason for this is all the mothers who spoil their sons while they expect daughters to help out around the house. Right now, enjoy your Fleshlight, a toy that guys say feels nearly as good as the "real" thing. One husband said he has come to prefer the Fleshlight to his cold unresponsive wife. You can have a second honeymoon when the kids are a bit older. Patience my Dear man, patience.