Dear Dr. Betty
I have a great, happy 4-year marriage, besides the sex. I do have a high libido, and get aroused and wet easily. But... once my husband starts touching my genitals, everything goes downhill. It feels just like he is touching my heel, or elbow, and does not accelerate the passion. I have basically no feeling in my clitoris and don't know what has gone wrong with my body. We have tried everything-- vibrators, oral, etc. What frustrates me the most is that deep down, it's like I know what it should feel like, but I get no pleasure out of it. I have no self-esteem, and have quit having sex with my husband because I am humiliated. I don't know where else to turn.
You are suffering from the lack of childhood or at least teen masturbation that connects the nerves in the clitoris to the pleasure center in our brains. You need to learn how to masturbate and it will not feel fabulous at first. The following links will give you information on how to begin. Then after that it's up to you and your dedication to practicing. I'd tell your husband that you are making an effort to solve the problem. Meanwhile, he should feel free to masturbate for his own sexual relief. When you practice, request to be alone. Another person no matter how well meaning is always a distraction when you need to be focused on yourself and the feelings in your body. Good Luck.