Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Dear Betty,
You know I think the world of you, but could you lay off the man-bashing, please? I know you're a feminist, but that doesn't mean it's cool to call people names and always blame the man for everything. If a woman can't come, you have all kinds of patience and give all kinds of advice. You write essays and make videos. If someone says a guy can't come, you assume you know why, then call him a big baby.
You lose credibility with me when you reply to someone with this sort of callousness. I'm afraid you are going to lose your male readers and maybe the female ones if you don't tone it down. I want to hear sex positivity, acceptance, and encouragement, not disparaging remarks about men at every opportunity. How come he isn't asking the question? What man would want to ask a question on this site, knowing you're going to bash them for being what they are?

Thank you Collette for your comment.  I have been noticing the increasingly critical attitude toward men recently, too.  Usually unwarranted.  Usually totally irrelevant to the problem being discussed.
I thought Betty was pro-masturbation.  But here she criticizes the guy for masturbating.  And I don't see what difference it makes whether he is masturbating to porn, his mental fantasies, or with his partner.  Nor whether a woman masturbates, or a man does.  Masturbating is masturbating.
I get a lot of positive information from this site.  I'd like to continue to.  But it is getting to be less so recently.  I really don't think this response by Betty will be helpful to K at all.

I believe that it's normal for K's boyfriend to be frustrated when he can't orgasm during partner sex. My guess as a fellow male is that he really cares about K, and he naturally wants to share orgasms with her during lovemaking and is unhappy and frustrated when he can't. I'm sure most of us who have a mutually caring relationship would feel the same way if we wanted to have orgasms with our partner and couldn't. It's also natural for K to want to help someone she cares about, even if the responsibility for finding a solution is ultimately his. Since it's affecting their relationship, it becomes a shared problem in a sense. Delayed orgasm in men can have a variety of causes. There's a Wikipedia article on 'Delayed Ejaculation' that might shed some light on this problem and has some step-by-step suggestions that may help to resolve this issue.

I feel like the actual advice of what to do was glossed over a bit,
as I am sure the answer is evident to Dr. Betty.  Maybe she is just
waiting for him to ask the question himself?  This sounds like the oppposite problem of the guy you comes way too soon... what are the steps to solve this?  I am wondering about this sentence in particular, where Dr. Betty say he needs to "change his masturbation practice so he can get some kind of sensation from
less stimulation."  Does that meaning a hiatus from masturbation before
masturbating with a more gentle grip, hold the porn (temporarily)?

Interesting to note that I'm accused of male bashing when I'm one of the
few feminists who speak up for men especially in the sex department.
Maybe it's the Republican's war against women that has me on edge. I
just find that so many men have a better deal when it comes to
heterosexuality that I sometimes get impatient. What I mean by changing
his style of masturbation is similar to what I say to women who
masturbate with their legs crossed. Very difficult to incorporate into
sex with a partner. He has a similar problem with such a tight grip on
his dick that a vagina can never match. So he needs to change how he
masturbates and that includes getting away from all the visual
stimulation of porn.